


let's dream with our eyes open

by snakebait



Category: VIXX
Genre: CEO!wonshik, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, domestic AU, kind of?, streamer!hongbin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2020-09-07 07:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 52,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20306107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakebait/pseuds/snakebait
Summary: Wonshik is the CEO of his new company, seven years of experience under his belt and active in a duo group with one of his closest friends. He's a good rapper, risen to fame from hard work and fan support. But he's stuck, unable to write, until he falls into a rabbit hole of videos online and finds Waterhyacinth_ (Kongbini).





	1. Chapter 1

Hongbin is a simple man.

He wakes up, he eats and hangs out with his friends when the time suits them all the best. Only at night, while his friends are usually cooking their dinner or finishing up at work to go home to their normal lives, he’s preparing his live stream and filling up his new drink bottle, courtesy of the donations he’s received. But that’s his normalcy nowadays.

Hongbin hasn’t always been a streamer and it was only recently that he started doing it for money, as a professional. As aforementioned, he’s quite a simple man. He barely knows how to cook but for a university student in the past, he got by quite easily without having to set his common room kitchen on fire. He worked for a long time and saved up through high school and things seemed to fall into place one day. He grew up with a loving family, in a small town, at a good school with a few friends he’s kept in touch with over the years.

He spent way too long on his handheld devices as a child. He would rarely hear his mother call him down for dinner because he was too busy blowing into his microphone to start a fire on a game he can’t remember the name of. He even played with his sisters, scowling when they were bad and taking the devices back from them when they didn’t want to play anymore. He grew up with a Nintendo piece in his bag at all times, drawing characters in books but he was never quite good. He grew up loving computers and what they can do, and fell in love with the designs that people could produce for him to play. The only times he ever got in trouble at home was as a result of his games because he wasn’t allowed to stay up late playing them under the covers of his bed.

His sister became a game developer a few years ago and he has her to thank for his current intermission segment on his stream. She got the artistic talent that Hongbin never received, but he got the singing voice which she despises him for but she offered to make some logos for his channel and he thanks her every day for it. It’s too bad he never did much with the singing but his chat likes it when he sings along to the popular girl groups songs. They especially love it when he sings his favourite English songs, the comments flooding in with support and encouragement when he cringes and groans at the cheesiness, smiling where no one can see.

Hongbin only started streaming last year, but he raked up followers quite quickly. Some people followed from his university and during that time, he graduated and moved on. Others found him randomly and when he started to upload on Youtube, he grew even more, his audience even expanding to places like America and England. He doesn’t believe he has much to offer and he’s certainly not a legend as his chat likes he call him but he knows he’s good and he knows he’s entertaining. He keeps people watching even if he’s been playing for seven hours in total, his voice soothing and his antics intriguing. 

Sometimes his roommates come to watch him too, commenting on the games and interacting with him. The atmosphere he creates is peaceful and he strives to keep it that way. He pokes fun at the people who watch and they do the same back to him, laughing when he dies in game and teasing him when he gets frustrated with a battle that he just can’t seem to win. He never thought he’d be doing this when he thought of his future but he can’t take it for granted. An opportunity was made and his hobby became his full time job and he loves it, loves the content he is able to produce and the people he has been able to connect with.

Hongbin’s favourite nights are the ones where the game is relaxing and the cool down chat is tranquil. He plays the songs he likes and takes donations and song suggestions when people send them in. So far, he’s gotten a few of Chungha’s ‘Gotta Go’ just before midnight which he has laughed at, making fun of the poor timing lightheartedly. It’s calming, especially after playing for so long. It’s almost put him to sleep a few times.

“Oh, my roommates?” he asks one night, reading a comment. “Yes, they are like me. They’re students. But they’d rather remain anonymous so please don’t search for them.” He says it kindly, knowing many people have common decency but it doesn’t hurt to issue a statement, for the ones who are a little too curious. But that is putting it mildly. You can never be sure of what people are capable of sometimes, but Hongbin doesn’t worry so much.

“Hm… I liked Red Velvet’s new comeback,” he confesses when someone donates one of their old music videos. “It seemed a little all over the place at first, but it was a good song in the end.”

Hongbin’s phone vibrates and he smiles. This is usually the time most companies upload music videos of their artists and some people comment on a few that he mentioned as he scrolls through Youtube on his phone. He likes talking about music too, since many people are aware of his fanboy tendencies towards Park Hyoshin already. It’s a pride of his and he likes to share it with others and see their tastes too. It’s especially interesting to hear music he’s never been interested in before because of people online that seem to care enough to show him.

The anonymity of streaming has its perks and its downfalls. A perk of it is that he’s not forced to interact with others or really acknowledge certain things. He’s his own boss and he likes that aspect a lot. If he doesn’t like something, he can call it out without having to let someone else speak for him. But the downside is that people do look for him sometimes, even if he’s just a normal person. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, though. It can just be a little… strange sometimes, to have someone recognise him while he’s out with his friends purely based on his voice but that rarely happens so he can live very peacefully, like he requests.

There is always a rotten side to the enjoyment of things and Hongbin acknowledges that wholeheartedly. He knew this wouldn’t be a roller coaster that only goes up but he’s not ungrateful. Everything can be a learning experience, but only for those who choose to listen and respect others. He feels he has no room for those who don’t on his stream. He sometimes feels too serious but it takes time to settle into the rules of how he wants to run things but it has been long enough for people to know now. Hongbin knows what is within his rights and what isn’t, so he likes to keep his stream running how  _ he _ likes it, not under the influence of anyone else.

“It’s good to have different tastes,” he says as he opens up another game to begin playing, accidentally knocking his new webcam when he tries to brush a bit of dust from the top of his computer. He curses accidentally, apologising sheepishly when his chat begins to laugh along with him. “I knocked something. There will be a little surprise in the next coming days on here, so please anticipate it!”

He sounds like he’s promoting something but that is the work of a man with a job. He keeps his options open and his comments friendly, because in the end, this once all was for a bit of fun. It still is and Hongbin can’t imagine stopping anytime soon, but he does need to keep things in play and keep things up to date, especially since he has become an affiliate of his streaming site and gets rewards. His viewers are loyal and he’s grateful for everything they provide him with, too. This is definitely not a normal job, but it is one he cherishes.

“Time for Portal,” he says, snorting when the chat is filled with remorse and teasing comments relating to the last time he played this game. “No, I’ve improved. I’ll show you all so you know what I mean. I practised a lot!”

_ So you spent a long time in the dark ‘practising’,  _ a comment reads and he agrees, no shame evident in his voice. “There was nothing to do but improve since the last time,” he whines, sighing at himself. “I was really bad…” 

_ Are you sure you’ve gotten better? _

Hongbin smiles, chuckling softly. “Oh, I’m quite sure. Let’s have a good time~” he teases, spiking his voice up for the effect. The response is a few coos but mostly disgusted laughter and he settles into the game, settling into what he does best and that’s entertaining. This is definitely an abnormal job but it’s clearly the job that suits Hongbin the most.

He hopes he’s keeping people entertained and happy, even as a distraction. He likes the comfort it can bring.

  
  


***

  
  


The sound of a pen clicking annoys most people but to Wonshik, it brings security. The click signals inspiration, it means there's a new idea in his head and his brain is aching to get it onto paper so he can bring it to life with his voice. 

He remembers when he fell in love with music. He sang since he could speak, repeating the lyrics of lullabies back to his mother when she would whisper them to him after he woke up after a nightmare. He sang his heart out in the elementary choir. He turned to new music, different styles and expressions to test out and spin for himself and he found rap through the kids on the outside of high school cliques that never had a specific name. 

He fell in love with the act, the beauty of it all even in the ugly lyrics that hit too close to home sometimes. But he took it and ran and made it his own and wrote lyrics on the tables at schools because he was constantly scolded by his teachers for never bringing paper to class. He always had a pen no matter what and he would sketch into the papers, sometimes even the walls and the teachers would write him up and call his mother but she could never stop him for long. He remembers the tunes his father would hum as he bathed him and whatever songs that would play on the radio that his mother would sing absentmindedly as she cooked. Wonshik grew up with music, whether it was on the radio or something that his parents had gone up with. From children’s lullabies to the pop song he heard in the cab a week ago, Wonshik remembers a lot of the melodies and the tunes he’s heard in his life.

Because of his little reciting quirk, there's something poetic about writing about the little things. It’s something that makes him feel different in an industry that's plagued by money hungry sexist individuals that only care about how many copies of their albums they sell. He misses the times when everyone was the same, making music for the sake of art. It was hard for everyone but nowadays, it can feel like a suffocating mindfuck to even exist in an industry that hates people like him. The different ones, the ones that call out others and write from the heart, not for the fame. Music is music but to Wonshik, it’s something that plays  _ him _ . He makes money from his music because the music  _ lets _ him. Music is his lifeline, his story to interpret. Every single song sounds different and every single one has its own power that courses through his veins, allowing him to aid the lyrics so that they can feel the room with their voice, twirling around Wonshik’s own baritone in gorgeous sincerity and beauty.

But the pen click is universal, he thinks. It  _ has  _ to be. He writes poetry, scribbles all over the page and draws when a new kind of inspiration hits him. He sings in the shower and sometimes he gets a little too worked up in the dance studios and ends up on the floor but that's music to him. It’s an expression, something so raw and personal that he can lose himself completely in it.

But as much as he loves music and the act of writing it, nothing is coming to him and he's about to lose his damn  _ mind _ . Wonshik loves his job. He has freedom to do and create whatever he wants and he’s very grateful for it. He loves the opportunities he is given and he will never take it for granted like a lot of other people he's encountered.

Right now, he's staring at his screen with his pen in his hand, thinking of new tattoo ideas instead of working because that's where his brain is. He doesn't get stuck often and normally, it doesn't last that long. He has a lot of things to keep him occupied and a lot of the time, booting up old files jumpstarts his brain but he can't even do that because he can barely will his body to move. He feels physically and mentally - stuck.

He doesn’t get stuck often. Wonshik can write and mix soundbites for hours, singing and recording anything he wants for days on end. He’s recorded a whole mini album in three weeks but he never released it because he was only drinking coffee and energy drinks and Taekwoon told him he sounded like a madman when he spoke about it. The song lyrics were good but Wonshik had to polish the melodies because his mind had been too exhausted to even tell him he was pressing the wrong keys on his keyboard. 

But right now, he’s been scraping half finished songs, sighing and blotting his pen on his hand if he can even come up with one lyric and that’s more than anything compared to the utter numbness his brain is producing for him right now. This feeling of being stuck has happened before so it’s nothing he's scared of but the black hole that is his mile a minute mind runs faster than he does so his thoughts become jumbled and his face turns blank. He stares at the reflection of himself in his darkened computer screen - did he always have that mole on his cheek? How long has it been since he had a hair cut?

He blinks and that seems to surprise him enough out of his trance. He’s tired and his coffee cup is about to be empty but he still doesn’t have a finished song and it’s driving him fucking crazy. He doesn’t have  _ anything _ finished and he’s running on empty. Nothing is coming to him and he’s sick of flatlining and having to put on his glasses because his eyes are strained and watering.

He squeezes his eyes shut and sighs, hating himself for leaving his glasses at home this time.

Is this really what it’s like to be an artist? He didn't really think this far forward when he became a CEO but it’s not all that different to being a solo artist but instead of going to the company every day, he is the company. 

Twenty-six and a CEO. Not many people can claim that, now can they? Not that he should be bragging but he's quite proud of that. But right now, he feels like he's twenty again with no direction and too many dreams that just aren't realistic. He likes to be optimistic but it’s easy to crush a dream that never had any real potential in the first place. 

“God,” he breathes, laughing at his own train of thought. He suddenly gets why people say that he can come off as quite blunt. It’s the experience of it all; he may be young but he's seen a lot more than a lot of the new trainees coming through the music shows and he's especially at that age where the trainees freak him out because he's cutting it close to being a decade older than them. Teenagers freak him out and that's how he knows he's well into his twenties. Is he old? Or just overthinking everything? 

Wonshik was nineteen when he made it into the industry and even that's weird to think about. It’s been seven years in total, seven years of being a solo artist and partnering with another artist in his old company to make a duo group before leaving to open his own company. That's a long time but to him, it feels like it went so quickly. He celebrated every birthday, every milestone and now, he's celebrating yet another but it feels like this is no different. He supposes that's a good thing, at the very least. He's still just a guy making music except now he's not eating noodles in his underwear because he can't afford air conditioning to keep himself cool. He still does that but minus the not being able to afford air conditioning part of the equation.

Wonshik realises point blank what's wrong with him because if you stare at your reflection for long enough, you'll start to realise that you are indeed, a mess. He just returns to staring at his computer screen until his eyes hurt again and they start to water when he closes them for too long. He doesn’t have a deadline because he just released a single a few weeks ago but even then, it’d be nice to have something finished under his belt so he doesn’t have to strain his back and neck in the long hours of the night to complete something that refuses to be put together. That single had been written last year and he had just recorded it properly and sent it off. He’s his own boss so it’s not like he has someone breathing down his neck for something to pay their bills but it’s frustrating to have absolutely nothing when you pride yourself on always  _ being on the grind _ .

It’s genuinely never been this bad and maybe it isn’t even  _ that _ bad. Maybe Wonshik is just over analysing everything to the point of no return. Every artist has their rough spots, their weeks or even months of pure nothing because sometimes, you can just hit a wall. He knows artists that have been gone from the scene for years on end because you just can’t beat down a wall that high. Right now, Wonshik can see over the wall but it’s climbing and he doesn’t know how to get it to stop. He’s been playing songs he knows in his studio, songs he’s written, in attempts to crack that wall but his mind is trapped and he has nothing he can reflect back on but the inky black hole that is his thought process right now. Everything has an end but Wonshik can’t even think without that hole eating it up immediately.

What topic can he even consider writing on right now, even if it’s cliche? He doesn’t care so long as it makes him write at least one damn word. He can’t write about love because he’s only felt love for music and his little sister and even then, he’s done that before! He slept for three days straight and been awake for five in a row and still, nothing will come to him. It’s always nothing but he won’t give up because music is the only true love he’s ever felt but it’s betraying him now and his heart is turning into knots along with his stomach but he can’t stop it because he’s stubborn as all hell and hates admitting his defeat, even when it’s right in front of him and taunting him.

He takes a deep breath, his mind overcoming him. It’s sad but in the end, he realises the disconnect. He’s way too into  _ Wonshik _ right now. Ravi writes songs the new age nineteen year old dance to in their first club. He writes for the coming summers and the fun times that accompany it. He’s inspiring with his words and he knows that but Wonshik is a pile of angst and weird vibes that fit Taekwoon more than they will ever fit Ravi. Ravi writes hits. Wonshik writes… Well, nothing apparently. Wonshik isn’t himself if he’s not writing and no amount of coffee and dried ink on his skin will fix that because he’s fucking  _ stuck _ and he can’t move because even his lyric books are full of quicksand and he’s sinking, swallowing the sludge and clogging his throat and-

“Fucking hell!” he yells at himself, throwing his book off his desk, sick of the torment it’s currently bringing him. He puts his head in his hands, willing himself to calm the hell down before he breaks something.

He blinks again, his eyes rolling weirdly and sighs, disappointed. He fell into a routine of get up, go to work, make sounds work together, go to the gym, crash and burn at home, rinse and repeat. But the making sounds work together part isn't doing him any favours right now and he’s trying to decide whether or not to order random shit online just because he can. It’s what he does when he’s going through a major flatline but he really doesn’t need more inflatable ducks for his apartment because he already has four. But he does know exactly what his teenage self would do and that's fall into a hole of videos online and pray something makes him laugh until he tires himself out enough to sleep.

He watches a few of his subscriptions, mostly some other idols and American vloggers that speak Korean. He just switches in between videos and one of his favourite channels, a normally regular lifestyle and fashion vlogger, has uploaded a video of herself playing video games with her nephew. It’s nice and he's glad she's comfortable enough to share that part of her life with the world. But it switches his recommended to a few gaming highlights and he clicks on one with a little pink character on the cover. It’s in Korean but it’s not really a game that Wonshik recognises but then again, when was the last time he played a game and completed it?

The game is cute but Wonshik was not excepting the voice that accompanies it. The man playing, Kongbini is his name, is charismatic and funny. His editor makes him laugh and Kongbini’s reactions to the game make him chuckle. The atmosphere is nice, especially with the chat accompanying the gameplay, explaining certain things to him because the game is in English. Kongbini even tries to pronounce the words and he does a really good job of it, his voice clear and admittedly, sort of cute. His giggle is cute, too and Wonshik finds himself smiling as he flicks through more of the videos, impressed that this guy can actually play well.

He’s talented, that's for sure and Wonshik spends an hour flicking through the videos and laughing at Kongbini when he goes completely silent after dying. He's a natural (not like Wonshik would know much) and he's funny, especially since his editor makes his videos a little more dramatic and humorous too.

Wonshik finds the link to his streams in the description of one of his videos and he's surprised that find that Kongbini is streaming right now when he opens the link. It’s almost three in the morning but Wonshik can't really tell him off for that since he's wide awake as well. 

Kongbini is playing a horror game by the look of it and what Wonshik didn't expect was his voice to be so much more intense as he plays. He's amping it up for his viewers and acting weird on purpose but the acting skill is pretty unique, especially for a streamer. IT’s bone chilling and Wonshik shivers at the intensity even if this is just a normal horror game, one that he would probably find scary without Kongbini’s creepy laughter.

Wonshik doesn't realise it but he ends up watching the stream to the end, realising with a start that it’s six in the morning. That's bad even for him but Kongbini doesn't sound slightly tired but it’s most likely because he's done this for a long time. He’s experienced and his laugh is cute because that’s what Wonshik chooses to focus on.

_ “Suggestions?”  _ Kongbini asks, humming as he reads out music suggestions from the chat. The little pixel animation appears to be him in a blanket with a little cup and what Wonshik sees as little green beans. Are they his fans?

_ “I'll play some music. It’s late, so I think after a few songs, I’ll go to bed.”  _ Kongbini yawns for effect but plays it off as a joke.  _ “I got you, didn't I? I am tired, but I can go for a little longer.” _

People donate a few things, mostly a couple dollars and Kongbini thanks them. The messages are mostly teasing and Kongbini has a good atmosphere maintained with the way he interacts with his chat. Someone says it’s their birthday when they donate and Kongbini berates them for spending their birthday money on him but he pauses afterwards, quickly wishing them a happy birthday before laughing. The person seems quite happy in the chat and calls themselves a fool, to which Kongbini agrees, but not to be rude.

The environment is pleasant and relaxing, so much so that Wonshik didn't even realise it was this early in the morning. But he still hasn't done any work and all that's on his mind is the next upcoming stream. The chat rules are pretty straight forward and Wonshik even sees some English filtering through, mostly wishing Kongbini goodnight or requesting a song that hasn't been played yet. It’s mostly girl groups, some random English songs that Wonshik can't name off the top of his head but still familiar and common.

_ “‘Will you sleep after this live?’”  _ Kongbini hums, neither in agreement or disagreement.  _ “I think I will. I might play a few games on my phone or something. But yes, I will sleep.” _

Wonshik finds out the streaming schedule and battles with his own brain for a moment. He can't spend all night watching this guy play games for the sake of boredom and because his voice is kind of hot. Wonshik has a job to do and he doesn't even know what Kongbini looks like in the first place but that's not that weird. Even some content creators that Wonshik watches are the same, even remaining anonymous in gender.

He vows to himself to not watch another stream until he's satisfied with his own work. He makes that promise to himself because he still has a  _ life _ and he needs to keep his lights on if anything. He needs to make himself a promise, even if Kongbini says that hopefully next stream, he’ll play a horror game.

_ “Well, I’m going to move out very soon,”  _ he says, clearing his throat. There’s a longer pause and Wonshik feels weirdly expectant, borderline nervous at the sense of suspension but all the streamer says is,  _ “I’ll live alone. Not that living with others has hindered me, but it would be fun to live alone. And I can stream for as long as I want, then.” _

The chat congratulates him and Kongbini laughs at a particular comment of  _ you’re finally an adult, now _ . He seems to giggle to himself and Wonshik smiles at the sound, leaning back in his chair for the moment. He looks down at his notebook on the floor, staring at it like it’s some kind of long lost enemy that he never intended to see again and picks it up slowly, savouring it in his hands. As Kongbini says goodnight, one last girl group song playing, he smirks to himself and clicks his pen again, the sound numbing his brain so much that he doesn’t even register Kongbini ending his stream officially, cutting the song off half way.

It seems Kongbini is keeping his lights on and he doesn’t even know it yet. Not that Wonshik intends to ever tell him. That’d be way too weird and the press would have a field day with that kind of information. No, this is a one time thing even if it’s giving him line after line about the anonymity of life, the online comments that can in turn fuel a dream and crush it down to a fine dust that chokes and suffocates one until they have nowhere to turn, a crossroads with traps at the end of each pavement. This is the century they all live in, the century that is so advanced that it’s almost backwards with the way people speak to each other, the way people insult and pry and dig until there’s nothing but a hole in place of a person and-

Wonshik clicks his pen, surprised at his own wording. He’s never written like that before despite subtly bragging to himself about being transparent and raw in his music. He turns off his computer quickly in his sudden haze, looking back at his notebook with a frown. But it’s not  _ strange _ .

This all makes sense to him, it’s words he’s though before but never put into writing. He wrote this and he knows for a fact many people would be afraid to sing this, especially under the influence of their own company. He pulls out his phone, snapping a photo and opens his text messages, selecting the contact that he knows will answer him because he never mutes his phone.

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

Hey, does this do anything for you?

[IMAGE ATTACHED]

  
  


**LEOWOON**

Wtf it’s 7am fuck off

actually

You know it does. But why have you written like me? Your music will get rejected by the CEO, lol

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

Couldn’t sleep, lol. Meet me at the studio? 9am? I need to go to the gym but I’ll meet you.

  
  


**LEOWOON**

I miss the times when you had a normal sleeping schedule. I’ll be there.

  
  


***

  
  


“What prompted this?”

Wonshik pauses, his straw in his mouth. He doesn’t look at Taekwoon because what is he going to say? What really did prompt this? Because he can’t exactly chalk it up to a man who plays games online for a living with an attractive voice and no face. That’s much more creepier than it actually is and Taekwoon most definitely will judge him for it.

But Taekwoon is quite good at picking out lies, which is the worst part. Wonshik relays to him his mind fuckery of last night and how he even threw his lyric book to the ground. That was the worst part of the story and that’s exactly when Taekwoon’s face turned from motherly scrutiny to equal parts pity and longing. His fingers find their way into Wonshik’s hair and even though he dismisses the sorrow that he accidentally let out into the atmosphere of the studio, he doesn’t bat Taekwoon’s hand away.

“You know me,” Wonshik says quietly, closing his eyes when Taekwoon’s fingers massage his scalp. “You know it takes a lot to get me angry.”

Taekwoon hums, finally sitting down. He leans closer to take Wonshik’s lyric book, making himself more comfortable to keep his fingers going at their pace through Wonshik’s long hair. Most of the page is his freakout, his old doodles and random words that he later looked up the definition to. But Taekwoon flips the page to find the lyrics he was sent last night from Wonshik and starts to smile.

“These are good,” he says quietly, laughing when Wonshik groans at his fingers pressing against the base of his neck. “I really like them. Do you mind?”

Wonshik’s head drops when Taekwoon pulls his hand away to take the pen. It’s amazing how quickly the man can switch into his idol persona and he begins to write in seconds, Wonshik’s prompting enough foundation for him to spin into a frenzy of words on the paper. He starts to hum, even and Wonshik smiles, thinking back to the times that they would sit in silence and write as much as they could, timing themselves.

He remembers when Taekwoon was once like this, too. Taekwoon had tried  _ everything _ to get out of his artistic stand still _ .  _ He’d been to writing workshops, sat in cafes and written aimlessly in the park. He even travelled just for leisure to relax his mind and let inspiration come to him but it didn’t. He wrote poetry just to try but much like Wonshik last night, he couldn’t even make his literary rambles make sense. The reason he got out was because he listened to a new artist, a German one, and everything came flooding back

Wonshik realises the similarities between their stories now. Only Kongbini appears to be his German artist except he’s a streamer that doesn’t know Ravi exists whereas Leo actually got his collab with the man that changed his solo career.

He’s already cringing at himself, trying not to make a sound as not to disturb Taekwoon. The joy about these sessions is the play of catch up between them but the whole watching videos until six in the morning and then not sleeping isn’t a discussion he wants to have with Taekwoon for the limitless amount of times they’ve already experienced it. Sometimes, it feels like groundhog day in his studio when Taekwoon is knocking on his door with breaking, berating him for his overworking habits while Wonshik is still trying to get his hands on the coffee Taekwoon has brought him.

Wonshik sips the coffee he does have now and peaks at Taekwoon’s lyrics, liking the flow from the words the singer has written so far. The lyrics really do suit Taekwoon’s style, his ballad aesthetic and sorrowful melodies. Wonshik didn’t intend to write like him or even come up with something similar but Taekwoon is taking it and running with it and he can be glad for that, considering how badly he’s been frozen in his own art block.

“I like it,” Wonshik says when Taekwoon hands him back the notepad. A little more tweaking and they’ll have something to record in the next few days. His partner smiles at him, like a proud mother and squeezes his arm in approval, nodding when Wonshik asks him if he thinks the song will be suited for them both.

“Some of it has your spin on it, especially your own lyrics. I don’t know how to write raps, so I just wrote what I could. You can probably tweak some of the lines of mine and rearrange them to suit you.” Taekwoon points out a few key lines, saying they could be fitted into Wonshik’s rap or be a key point of the chorus.

Taekwoon leans back as Wonshik boots up his computer to type the lyrics up, wondering to himself. He doesn’t say anything but Wonshik can feel the stare on the side of his head so he looks pointedly at Taekwoon’s smug face, raising an eyebrow. “What is it, hyung?”

Taekwoon raises his eyebrows, shrugging one shoulder as he crosses his legs. “Nothing. You just seem… different.”

“Different how? There’s nothing that has changed.”

“Your energy.”

Wonshik rolls his eyes. Clearly Hakyeon has been talking to his partner. The next thing that comes out of Taekwoon’s mouth is either going to be about how he’s an Aquarius or something along those lines or that he’s somehow in love. He knows Hakyeon extremely well and he knows exactly what Taekwoon does with new, useless information and that’s tell  _ him _ .

“What about it? You know I don’t believe in that shit,” Wonshik replies, glancing down at the lyrics and typing in the makeshift title for now as well as the credits.

“It’s not shit,” Taekwoon snaps, his smug facade escaping into a scowl. “It’s a real thing. Sometimes you can just feel it. And I feel it with you now. You’re different.”

“Yeah, hyung, I’m sleep deprived and tired. Not to mention I’ve been trying to work through this art block for a damn while now.” He slumps back in his chair, shaking his head. “I’m mentally and physically exhausted. But we made a breakthrough, so what you’re feeling is probably my complete and utter relief.”

“It’s more than that.” Taekwoon’s voice is quiet but he doesn’t say anything more, choosing to keep this trivia to himself. But he knows Wonshik has never believed in half the shit that Hakyeon says to him. They both know him because he’s the dance coach at Wonshik’s old company, Taekwoon’s current one. He’s a chatterbox and as much as Wonshik loves him, he really doesn’t have a filter. He has some strange hobbies but they can’t really judge him but one thing Hakyeon can’t do is keep his nose out of things that don’t concern him; it’s not for a cruel reason, he’s just naturally motherly and a little curious. Wonshik has sat through  _ many _ conversations of why Hakyeon cares so much about him and he’s grateful but he doesn’t need to be told that his Zodiac sign is the reason he's ‘going through it’ right now.

“I’ll get this through to you later,” Wonshik says after some time, Taekwoon shouldering on his backpack and standing up. “Thank you for coming, hyung.”

Taekwoon hums, like he usually does when he’s thinking before he leans down, close to Wonshik’s face and holds his face quickly. “Get some sleep, Wonshik. I’ll see you soon.”

Wonshik’s lips part to say something but his brain can’t quite catch up. His ears turn red and all he can do is look down when Taekwoon leaves, not waiting for a response because he knows how Wonshik is.

Wonshik signs off on the lyrics, deciding now is a good time to take Taekwoon’s advice and get some rest. He has a couch in his studio for this specific reason, a fold out one so he can really get some sleep. It’s not the most logical nor is it a worthwhile decision but he doesn’t trust himself enough to not fall asleep in the cab ride back to his apartment so he’ll take a stiff neck over waking up in fright from his driver asking him to pay them.

He switches off his phone, not betting on any distractions and lies down once he’s finished setting up his resting place for the midday hours. He falls asleep as soon as his head fits the pillow, his body completely exhausted and his mind finally at rest. He lives to fight another day and he has to be grateful for that.

Ravi and Leo are going to make another hit.


	2. Chapter 2

Taekwoon is beginning to get annoyed and that in itself is a recipe for disaster. He’s never been good at keeping his frustrations to himself and he and Wonshik have the tendency to fight with each other when either of them are upset. It’s annoying, really, to deal with Taekwoon, but he has to in order to get things out of him. And right now, Taekwoon is trying his hardest but it’s not easy to work through something that’s sucking the energy out of you with every lyric he sings.

Wonshik and him have been working hard and the song is mostly finished, the lyrics polished and fine tuned but recording it to the beat Wonshik has made seems to be harder than they thought it would be. It’s natural to get a little frustrated with the process of creating a song but it’s taking a little more than it usually does out of them and Wonshik is beginning to get frustrated, too. His hair is messy and Taekwoon is red in the face from straining himself but it’s not doing them any favours.

Wonshik presses the button to talk into the booth, taking a deep breath. “Hyung, come out. We’re not going to get anywhere if we keep going.”

Taekwoon opens his mouth to protest, his brow pulled into a scowl but thinks better of it, his face dropping. He sighs, pulling off his headphones and looking down. He pauses for a moment, looking at the lyric sheets but shakes his head, stepping out of the booth without another word. 

_ He’s tired _ , Wonshik thinks, looking up at him. “Go home,” he whispers and Taekwoon nods curtly, wringing his hands together. It’s solemn between them but they know that this is something they need to come back with fresh minds when they can. They need a break from it, to recharge and come back with new fire. 

Wonshik stands and hugs Taekwoon tightly, like he's not going to see him again because that's how Taekwoon hugs him sometimes, when things are rough. They're being dramatic but in light of Wonshik’s previous art block, they don't want to be optimistic just to get stuck again. 

Taekwoon rubs his back, tugging his head into Wonshik’s shoulder, making himself smaller. It’s only for a few seconds and he leaves without another word, closing the door softly behind him. Wonshik slumps in his chair and sighs, rubbing his forehead to get some of the tension out of his brain. He wants to sleep and it wouldn't be weird for him to do so - it’s almost seven in the evening anyway - but he can't. It doesn't sit right with him, to just pack everything up and move on, especially not this early in the night. Ravi works hard but Wonshik is holding him back and it’s pissing him  _ off.  _

He works for a little longer, tweaking his sounds and pairing what little of Taekwoon’s vocals they managed to record with whatever mixes he has on hand. He tests the speed of each soundbite, listening carefully for anything that he might be able to change, frowning at the sound as he moves them. It’s routine work, meticulous and excruciatingly slow but it’s  _ something _ and he has to be grateful that he can actually do something to salvage this track when it feels like they’ve hit a brick wall. 

His phone vibrating an hour later scares the shit out of him, so much so that he almost falls out of his chair since he's sitting on the very edge of it. It’s just an email in the end, on his notifications list but Wonshik blinks at it, wondering who the fuck  _ Waterhyacinth_ _ is before it clicks.

Wonshik tries to justify things to himself. He refuses to start up the stream because he has things to do but to be honest, that's the reason he sent Taekwoon home in the first place. He hasn't  _ got _ anything, because he believes they should start again tomorrow with clear heads. They can’t offer anything more to this song so that’s why they’ve taken a break from it.

So there's no guilt, right?

Wonshik knows there’s guilt on his conscious as he opens up Kongbini’s stream, disappointed in his poor self control but too flat to really stop himself. It’s like Ravi wants him to keep working but he’s too ‘Kim Wonshik’ right now as Hakyeon would say and he can’t get out of that. He needs a mind numbing break that will make me laugh and forget about the frustration of the music for the night.

_ “It’s a good night,”  _ Kongbini says when Wonshik turns the stream on, relaxing back in his chair. He selfishly hopes Kongbini will give him another snippet of inspiration but at the same time, he hopes he won't so that he doesn't have to leave the stream to write. Even just thinking that makes him feel pathetic.

_ “Oh, my surprise?”  _ Kongbini questions suddenly, obviously looking at the chat. He has no fancam like other streamers but Wonshik likes it better that way. He can just focus on his voice and the games he’s playing.  _ “Yes, I did say there would be a surprise. I think tonight is good for that but wait a little while.” _

Kongbini laughs at some of the teasing comments and Wonshik finds himself smiling at the sound, relaxing the tension from his body as he slumps further into his chair. His back is going to hate him later but he wonders what the surprise Kongbini has planned is but he wasn't there for it to be announced, however long ago it was. He just has to wait, like the streamer said.

Kongbini flicks through some songs, turning the volume down so that he can still talk over them and recounts what he's been doing for the past few days. He only streams three times a week and last time Wonshik watched, he said he was in the process of moving.

_ “Moving is annoying,”  _ Kongbini comments, exasperatedly.  _ “I didn't realise there was more than just packing up your stuff. Since I'll live alone after this, I didn't realise I had to buy everything for the kitchen. But my apartment is partially furnished.” _ He laughs once, sighing.  _ “I’m very grateful… Am I useless for not knowing this much?” _

The viewers tease him but not in a bad way. Some people tell him their own anecdotes and one person admits to forgetting washing powder when they moved in. They didn't buy any until they desperately had to because they kept forgetting. Kongbini reads that out, laughing at the viewer before agreeing, saying that will be him once he thinks he has everything.

Kongbini reads some of the comments out, adding his own humour in return, saying he's grateful that he's not the only dumb one out there which sparks a series of laughing from his viewers, adding to his happy and calming atmosphere which is doing wonders for Wonshik right now.

Kongbini pauses after reading a few more comments from the chat.  _ “I suppose I should do the surprise. Well, I bought a webcam a while ago but I had to keep things up to date and I didn't get a lot of time to set it up. But I have now and I know how to set this all up once I move, too.” _

Wonshik frowns, his heart beat slowly down. A webcam? As in a facecam. Meaning- 

Oh God, Wonshik is going to lose it. If Kongbini is as hot as he sounds then Wonshik is fucked with a capital F. This kid is smart judging by how quick his reflexes are and his knowledge on a lot of music and video games, funny, and talented. He can navigate computers and he's admitted that he’s built his own desktop and a few others for his friends and that’s pretty impressive to Wonshik who only figured out how to screenshot things on his new phone two weeks ago. Kongbini even  _ sounds _ attractive which is something Wonshik didn't understand until now because he's been told that his own voice is attractive but he never knew what that  _ meant _ until now.

If Kongbini is attractive then Wonshik just might cry in his studio because what the fuck, no one gets to be  _ that _ lucky. The guy can even sing! What else can he do that he's never shown anyone before?

_ “Okay,”  _ Kongbini says teasingly to a comment that tells him to hurry up.  _ “I should make you wait just because of that but I’m not that cruel. Watch yourself though.”  _ He reads out the username in a sarcastic tone and the person replies with laughter but Wonshik’s heart is speeding up. He feels like an idiot but the screen changes suddenly and he almost lets out a scream in remorse.

It’s a little over exposed but Kongbini is  _ on the fucking screen _ , adjusting the settings as he looks to the side. His jawline is sharp, his eyes round and innocent looking. He looks like a normal guy, his hair a simple dark brown and hanging just above his eyes. He looks young and people tell him so but he smiles, his eyes crinkling and God,  _ fucking hell he has dimples. _

_ “I’m twenty six this year,”  _ Kongbini admits, his eyes cast to the side of his screen where the comments are filing in rapidly from what Wonshik can see.  _ “No, not August. September! I will be twenty-six. Did you guys think I was younger?” _

Wonshik doesn't trust himself not to have a complete and utter meltdown in the chat so he doesn't type anything but people are saying what he's thinking, mainly that he's really fucking hot but not in that much of an aggressive way. Someone comments that his hair is in a longer style but Kongbini shakes his head, his hair moving with him like pudding.

_ “I don't cut it often,”  _ he says, brushing his bangs back and Wonshik smacks himself in the head twice to try and correct his stupid brain for making him think dumb things.  _ “I’m not sure when I cut it last. But I rarely dye it, either. Who cares?” _

Wonshik wants to melt into a puddle because Kongbini’s smile doesn't even compare to the image he had in his head. His smile is happy, charming and beautiful and Wonshik feels like sinking into the black hole that is his never ending sorrow for his ability to gain crushes in four seconds flat. He's going to be an agony for the next few hours until he eventually convinces himself that he's being pathetic and gets over himself but Kongbini laughs suddenly, his eyebrows raising and his teeth are sharp and  _ why the fuck is that attractive to me? _

Wonshik smacks himself again like it’s going to cure his trainwreck of a brain (it doesn't) and he turns off the stream before he starts to scream to himself and someone comes looking. He doesn't need his coworkers wondering why there's a dying cat in his studio room when he doesn't own a cat in the first place and it’s just him having a breakdown over a random guy on the internet.

Wonshik closes his eyes, rubbing his face but he drops his hand on his notebook and hates himself with every fibre of his being. He takes a breath and opens it, cursing at himself and starts to write the feelings he's having right now and relating them to what he can and he shakes his head as he writes more and more and closes his notebook before he can write anymore about his sappiness.

He stands up in a rush, grabs his bag and charges out of his company building to go to the gym in hopes that he can wipe his memory and move the hell on but of course, it’s not that easy. It’s never easy for Wonshik! Him and his little peanut brain! God, he feels like a fool.

Gym. The gym will help him. He needs to numb his brain down to a mushy pulp and forget about this for a while and the gym always helps him with that. It’s a good start.

  
  


***

Sometimes Hongbin starts his streams late. It’s usually because of him coming home from wherever he’s been all day or if his mother invites him over for dinner. He always ends up staying late when she does, too much time spent chatting and catching up and since one of his sisters still lives at home, he always talks with her while she cooks. But he’s rarely ever missed a stream without notice because he hates not sticking to schedule.

Right now, he prepares himself for his stream that’s set to start in roughly five minutes. A new boy group debuted and he wants to show some of the song because he really liked it, even if the members look like they’re not a day over twenty. He supposes it’s becoming more common for kids to come into the industry, some groups having a youngest of sixteen, maybe even fifteen. It’s terrifying, that’s ten years between him and those kids so it can be a little shocking. But it’s not his industry so he can’t overthink the topic much.

He kicks his stream into gear with a smile, leaving his facecam off for now so he can just relax. Some people greet him as they come in, others ask what games he’s going to play and he tells them. Some suggest him songs, one of which being a song that he absolutely loves, leaving him to ramble about why he likes them so much, the teasing in his chat lighthearted and fun.

But a comment catches his eye and he squints at it, testing the word on his tongue. “Ra...vi?” He frowns, lifting an eyebrow. “No, I don’t know who he is. Is he any good?”

_ His music is really unique! _ , says the viewer. _ Do you like rap? _

“Oh, I don’t mind it,” Hongbin confesses, scratching his cheek. He should turn on his facecam soon, actually. “It’s not my kind of style, though. But I can appreciate it. If he’s good then it doesn’t matter what genre he makes music in.”

The link is donated and Hongbin flicks on his webcam quickly, smiling at the replies. He laughs at someone saying his hair is very fluffy and pulls up the video, reading the title.  _ Beautiful Liar? _ “Hm… This doesn’t seem like a rap song?” He pulls up the rest of the album, scanning through the songs and sees when the music video was first put out. “Oh, this is a little old. Is he still active?”

His chat confirms it, that he recently put out a mixtape and Hongbin pulls up the one that comes up first when he searches for RAVI, which is Tuxedo. He watches through Beautiful Liar, astonished at the way Ravi and Leo compliment each other with their voices, even the way that they look with each other, Leo’s soft cheeks and sharp eyes and Ravi’s more masculine and fierce eyes, complemented by the makeup and colours that he wears. They’re both quite pretty, actually, but Hongbin prefers Ravi’s voice, his fluffy hair and dark makeup. He’s attractive, to say the least and Hongbin tries not to let anything show on his face as he watches, even though he thinks Ravi sounds-

Tuxedo is a completely different song to Beautiful Liar, just Ravi this time and it’s upbeat and pretty, fun and inspiring. Hongbin finds himself smiling as he watches, even the dance is unique. Hongbin hums along to part of the chorus, nodding along and the chat seems to like it, too, laughing along when Hongbin comments on the autotune but not in a rude way.

“It’s nice,” Hongbin says once it’s finished. “It has a good message, too. How old is he?” His chat tells him a lot about him, that he’s twenty-six and has been a solo artist for seven years now. He ends up bookmarking the channel, one of Leo’s solo music videos in his feed too and leaves it for another time.

“I’ll check it out more later on,” he chuckles. “I have a stream to do. But he’s quite talented. I like his voice.”  _ He can sing too~  _ someone writes and Hongbin snorts. “I hope he can. He sounds very unique. I wish him a good career.”

He logs on to start playing but the game quickly becomes annoying for the chat so they try to keep themselves interested. Hongbin tries to speak the English that he spies on the screen and since it’s an online game, most of them are usernames. He turns off the mics of other people because some of them scream when he plays alone and he doesn’t want that for the stream and especially not for his ears. They donate him some random videos, making him laugh. Someone donates him another Ravi song, Ghost is the name, and he headbangs to it, his face blank until he stops suddenly, his chat laughing at his expression and he yawns, his eyes beginning to hurt. 

“Oops,” he says when his character falls and he loses his progress. Maybe he shouldn’t be playing Pogo Stuck because he knows it annoys everyone and eventually grinds his gears into a fine dust so he laughs and clicks off the game to start another, shaking his head at the chat that laugh at him to make the mood a little lighter.

The time passes slowly and as he takes a short break to slow down the stream just to rest, another video is sent to him. A video pops up after a rookie boy group music video and it’s Ravi yet again but as Hongbin smiles at the video, watching Ravi sing on stage.

“He can sing,” he comments, a little marvelled. “Wow.” He really is talented, diverse in many categories and Hongbin smiles at the videos, impressed but it all. He should stop playing Ravi, but it’s the donations and another donation pops up, making him frown at the message in suspicion suddenly.

Did someone seriously just donate under the name  _ RAVITHECRACKKIDZ? _

  
  


***

The last thing Wonshik expected to see when he flicked over to Kongbini’s stream was him watching  _ his _ music videos.

It had been a work night for Wonshik, like any normal night. Taekwoon joined him and they corrected the track between them, Taekwoon even fixing some of the lyrics and rerecording in a higher key, fitting more fluently with Wonshik’s own deep rap and flow. They decided to harmonise for part of the chorus, too, Taekwoon dropping his voice where it was needed but the high notes were the kicker, the backing vocals bringing it all together.

It was effective to say the least. Wonshik leaned back when Taekwoon had finished his recording and when his partner came out of the booth, a little out of breath with his water bottle in his hand, Wonshik threw his arms around him and cuddled him, happy with the progress between them.

“Are you happy?” he asked Taekwoon, his hyung’s arms wrapping around him in return, the smile evident in his voice when he replied with a simple  _ yes. _

Taekwoon has an early schedule so he left before midnight to go home and sleep but Wonshik stays like he always does because he basically lives in his studio more than his own apartment at this point.

But his email spiked again and he opened Kongbini’s stream, thinking of it as an award but he knew it was a guilty one. He's worked today, but not enough to finish the track and he knows that but Kongbini’s fancam is already turned on and he’s taking a break now, drinking water and he seems to be ordering food at the moment.

Kongbini smiles suddenly, the last frame of a clip finishing and he puts his phone down. He closes his paused game and a clip is donated, a rookie boy group and Kongbini watches it as he finishes ordering his food with his phone off camera, nodding along to the beat.

But what strikes Wonshik is that the clip ends and a very familiar song starts up and Kongbini is watching and holy fucking shit,  _ that’s me _ . 

It’s his King of the Masked Singer performance and Kongbini is  _ watching _ , his expression slowly changing into a smile and he looks impressed and-

_ “He can sing, wow,”  _ he comments and that confuses Wonshik. Does that mean he has been watching him before? Does he know who Ravi is?

_ I told you!~ _ one of the comments reads and Wonshik starts to grin, completely stunned but flattered at the same time, his cheeks going red and he knows what to do. His username is already set up and he subscribes to Kongbini in a few seconds, not even blinking at the subscription amount and donating under his username, too.

_ Thank you for playing my music! I really appreciate it!! _

It’s a simple message but of course, nothing is that easy for Wonshik. Kongbini has the donation read out to him and Wonshik thinks the streamer might be fine with it, saying it’s no problem but he frowns in return, confused.

_ “Donating under his name?” _ he asks, picking up his phone again.  _ “Don't play tricks. I’m not that stupid. Nice try, though. What's with ‘the crack kids’?” _

Someone is nice enough to tell Kongbini that it’s  _ Ravi’s _ instagram handle and that clears up the crack kids part but not the fact that Kongbini doesn't believe it’s actually him. He supposes it’s understandable. Why the hell would a successful rapper be watching his stream? That's Wonshik’s bad, honestly, and it’s a little too convenient that he happened to be watching while Kongbini was listening to his music.

He decides another donation is worth a shot but before he can, Kongbini says that he has an Instagram because of the prompting from the comment about Ravi’s and Wonshik decides to be  _ professional  _ and finds his account, silently following. He decides it might be wise to message him later, when he's not in the middle of streaming.

He waits, even though his heart is beating really fast and apparently stalking Kongbini on his Instagram has to be the worst decision ever because this guy is not only very attractive, but he cleans up really nice and Wonshik’s expensive taste is salivating at the photos of the streamer in a nice blazer and wine coloured shirt, the caption being a congratulations to his friend for graduating college.

Most of the photos are of food and his apartment, his consoles and games. He's such a man in his mid twenties that it almost hurts but Wonshik likes that. Kongbini is just a normal guy, living his life to the best of his ability and doing what he loves and Wonshik likes that vibe, that authenticity. He knows what being an influencer can do to people, how it can affect them and bring them down into a whirlpool of pain and misery, all from the journey of being somewhat famous. Kongbini isn’t like that, his accounts just personal even though most of the comments are from strangers.

But Kongbini doesn't update much unless he has to, his Twitter being where he spends most of his time. He tweets and his replies are usually short but they're funny, his teasing translating from his stream into his tweets. He isn't much different over text and Wonshik finds that sweet, finds it refreshing. 

He has his direct messages turned off on Twitter so Wonshik decides to send him a message on Instagram to clear things up. He might not ever see it so Wonshik won't be too hurt if he doesn't reply. He's a fan after all, he doesn't get special treatment because he's famous.

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ Hey man!  _

_ It’s probably weird to see this message so I’m sorry for that but it was actually me on your stream today, lol. Seriously, thank you for checking out my music and giving me a chance.  _

_ Your streams have been a little bit of a relaxant for me as of late, since you stream all night. That's when I’m awake too, making my music, lol.  _

_ Thank you again! _

_ RAVI. _

_ Oh, my name is Wonshik, also. Feels weird to sign off with RAVI in a DM, hah. _

_ See ya! _

  
  


He slams his phone down, taking a breath before he overthinks everything he just sent. Why the fuck did he send his name? God, he sounds so pretentious. How is that going to sound to Kongbini? The kid didn't know he existed seven hours ago and now he's messaging him? This is stupid, fucking hell.  _ Why the hell did I think that was a good idea? _

He's about to thank the Gods for the unsend feature on Instagram messages but he throws his phone across the room in shock because a little grey word is under his messages,  _ Seen _ searing into his eyes and he stands up in a rush, swiping off the DM when he gets his hands on his phone again. What the fuck is he doing? He's the one that sent the fucking message! 

Kongbini starts to type and Wonshik glances at his stream on his computer, his stomach dropping. He's still streaming, his phone in his hand still and he types with both hands - His hands are so small?

Kongbini glances at the chat on his computer, his expression changing into a smile.  _ “No, I’m not texting a girl,”  _ he says in reply to a cheeky message.  _ “You guys are gross. I don't like that kind of thing and I'd never do that on stream. Gross.” _

Wonshik laughs out of pure shock, his face burning and he's still on the floor of his studio, holding his phone in a vice grip. He drops it before he breaks it in the soul crushing grip he has on it. He rolls on the floor, his DMs open on his phone because Kongbini hasn't answered even though he's roasting him indirectly on his stream while Wonshik is on his fucking  _ back _ , covering his face with his hands in embarrassment. He should have stuck to the cool guy image his fans think he has. This is so Kim Wonshik that it’s almost ridiculous.

His phone vibrates and he's never moved quicker, almost trapping his arm underneath himself in order to pick up his phone. A message from  _ @Kongbiiini93  _ is there and Wonshik opens it, biting his lip and he laughs at the message.

  
  


**Kongbiiini93**

_ ????????? _

_ Oh _

_ OMG shit sorry then. I thought it was a danpat LMAO _

_ But that's okay, lol. You're a good artist!  _

_ Honestly, I thought this DM was fake too but I guess you can't fake the verification symbol. Am I a clout chaser now? A famous person DMing me… _

_ Kidding lol. But you're welcome. I’m glad my streams are fun for you too ^^  _

  
  


Before Wonshik can type a reply, Kongbini types again and he grins at the text, his heart simultaneously speeding up and calming down at the same time.

  
  


_ Wonshik… _

_ Hm. Well, it should be equal, shouldn't it? My name is Hongbin. Nice to meet you? _

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ Hongbin? Not too different from Kongbini lol. _

_ But nice to meet you too! And no, if anything, I’m the clout chaser LOL. You didn't even know who I was until tonight. _

  
  


**Kongbiiini93**

_ Did you expect my name to be different, RAVI? Should I have picked something to hide myself better… Are you hiding secrets, RAVI? _

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ If I was hiding secrets, why would I tell you my real name? Or the media? People know who I am but do they know your name? _

  
  


**Kongbiiini93**

_ You have a point. Asking a lot of questions, Wonshik. Maybe you're a detective .'ㅅ'. _

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ Do you think a detective would be in your DMs? _

  
  


**Kongbiiini93**

_ K I see your point.  _

_ I have to go back to streaming. Will you watch? Or are you busy mister rapper man _

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ I'll watch if you want me to? _

  
  


**Kongbiiini93**

_ I never said you had to. Have fun writing :) _

  
  


Wonshik glances up at his computer, finding Kongbini smiling to himself, scratching his nose to try and hide it but Wonshik’s heart won't slow down and it’s kind of starting to annoy him. He lies down for a little bit longer but Kongbini -  _ Hongbin _ \- laughing in the background definitely isn't helping his brain to focus. 

He really should try to write but he's very aware that he won't get anything done. Not after tonight. All he can think about right now is surprisingly  _ sleep. _ He feels like his emotions just took a huge nose dive and he's dealing with the aftermath of them now.

He contemplates sending Hongbin a message but decides against it since the streamer is back to playing games, a story styled game this time. Wonshik switches off his computer with a sigh, his head starting to hurt. He really should go to bed, shouldn't he? It’s almost four in the morning.

He replies to Taekwoon to confirm their studio time for tomorrow. He pulls out his couch again, feeling like he really should go home sooner than later but not right now. He’ll fall asleep if he drives home.

He falls asleep before he catches his phone vibrating on the pillow next to him, smiling to himself.

  
  


***

  
  


Hongbin yawns right when the time flicks to six in the morning. He glances at the clock on his computer, smiling when his chat congratulates him. He’s surprised he has this many viewers at this hour but he supposes the spike comes from the fact that many people wake up at this time to go to work.

“Good luck,” he cheers for someone in the chat who asks because it’s their first day of their new job today. “Did you watch all night because of the nerves? I saw your earlier.”

_ No, I logged off,  _ the person replies in the chat. _ I had to go to sleep for work! Fighting! _

Hongbin laughs, thanking them for the donation and bidding them farewell since they’re going to work. He hums, cracking his neck loudly. He glances at his phone for a moment before pausing his game to rub his eyes. He’s getting tired but he doesn’t make any comments, even though his eyes look a little exhausted in the camera.

He plays a few songs just to pass the time, talking with whoever is left in the chat. He eventually signs off quickly, yawning obnoxiously before it clicks off and checks his phone again, smiling to himself. He opens his DMs again and for a moment, he second guesses himself but he bites the skin on his lip and chuckles to himself.

**Kongbiiini93**

_ Are you awake? _

_ You kind of seem like a gym junkie so lol sorry if that’s wrong _

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ Ouch. That’s an assumption if I’ve ever heard one before, damn _

  
  


**Kongbiiini93**

_ Was it wrong? _

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ It’s not but it’s still mean. What’s up? _

  
  


**Kongbiiini93**

_ Just got done streaming and I wanted to see if my assumption was right. That’s all have fun at the gym Ravi _

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ ??? _

_ Thanks?  _

_ Talk to you later? _

  
  


**Kongbiiini93**

_ Talk to you later! _

  
  


Hongbin puts his phone down before Wonshik can reply, smiling to himself. He catches himself in the reflection of his computer screen and drops his face immediately but he can’t drop the feeling in his cheeks and the dusting of pink that he knows is sitting there. He licks his lips and presses them together, looking away before he starts cursing out his reflection.

He needs to go to bed, really. It’s the weekend, anyways. He needs to set up his bed. God, being an adult sucks sometimes but he gets up to stretch like a cat, pops his spine into place and brushes his teeth. His mouth feels weird, anyways. He sniffs, rolling his head to crack his neck. 

_ I should get a massage…  _ Hongbin sniffs, rubbing his nose for the moment in thought but he doesn’t get far. He holds his eyes close, scrunching his face through the sting and he decides it’s better that he slips his glasses on now instead of later so he can rest his eyes for a little while. He’s not streaming again for another few days so he has time to recover.

Staring at himself while he brushes his teeth becomes longer than he intended. He blinks rapidly when he realises his mind is horribly blank and he’s been standing there with his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

“God,” he mumbles, spitting into the sink and cleaning himself up. He needs to get to bed quickly before he falls asleep standing up but he comes back to a message from Wonshik, making him smile. It’s a photo on his story, a peace sign in front of the rack of weights, proving Hongbin’s earlier assumption. Wonshik privately sends him the photo with an emoji, a simple hand one and when Hongbin stalks his profile, he notices that he uses it quite often.

“Groove… lin?” he mumbles, smirking a little at the foreign name. “Huh…”

He lies down quickly, locking his phone. He leaves Wonshik on read mistakenly but he’s too tired to respond. He feels like he needs to recharge, like he’s a gaming robot but he snorts to himself, lying on his back and he falls asleep like that, his phone on his chest and his glasses still on his face.

He’ll answer Wonshik in the morning when he can actually be funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the texting ;; i know it can be a little annoying. this will be the last of the long chatting over texting so!  
happy reading thank you for giving this a chance!


	3. Chapter 3

Hongbin puffs out his cheeks as he walks home, against the slight chill of the night air. He would have caught the bus but he’s bored and doesn’t feel like waiting around for long. He yawns, throwing his head back to sighs, shaking his head for the moment. 

He hasn’t contacted Wonshik since two days ago. Tonight, he went out to meet a friend, to celebrate a work promotion and he’s tired but he has to stream tonight so he decides to buy a coffee to keep him going for the night and he gets home a few minutes before he has to stream, throwing himself in his chair to quickly set up but his phone goes off and he glances at it, seeing Wonshik’s contact in his notifications.

They talk a lot, surprisingly. Hongbin is infamous in his friendship group to read texts and never respond, to ignore phone calls unless someone calls twice. And yet he has Wonshik in his phone, sending him random things and spamming him when he’s asleep because the CEO is bored and on his third energy drink and crashing fast. They talk when they can and talk when they really should be busy but it’s so natural, the way that Wonshik gets his stupid teasing humour and returns it full force. Hongbin likes it, likes it a little more than he probably should.

_ I’m about to start streaming, I’ll message you later,  _ he tells Wonshik quickly, his stream starting up and he sends a random emoji before greeting his viewers as they come in slowly. Tonight will be a short stream because he’s tired and he tells his viewers that much, already setting up an order for food to come in soon.

He flicks on his music, leaving his facecam alone for now and Gongchan’s username comes up in his donations, making him laugh. He just saw him today and his friend is already back at home, apparently not drinking with his work friends like he said he might. Instead he’s donating to Hongbin’s stream and chastising him for not hanging out longer.

“I have a job too,” Hongbin answers his friend, smiling to himself. “I give myself promotions. I just have weird working hours, you know?”

As he sets up his game, his phone vibrates again. He decides not to switch on his facecam for this stream because his hair isn’t washed and he hasn’t changed out of his outfit from today. And this lets him check his phone without anyone commenting on it.

_ I can’t watch tonight but I hope it’s good,  _ Wonshik writes, ending with his company’s hand emoji.  _ I’m going to go to bed after this. _

_ Short stream _ , he quickly writes, getting another donation with a video that makes him laugh and thank the person who sent it. He‘s honestly tired, his sleep deprivation coming back to bite him in the ass. He tries to focus and he gets pretty far in his game, keeping a little quiet as he plays. His chat keeps themselves entertained, though, sending in videos to support him and making him talk a little when the focus starts to drain. 

The hours seem to pass slowly and he signs off around midnight, waving even though no one can see him. He checks his phone again, nothing new from any of his social medias or Wonshik but the rapper updated his instagram story, something in another language that Hongbin doesn’t speak so he sends it back and asks for an explanation.

Wonshik takes a few minutes to answer but he tells him it’s lyrics for a song he’s had in his head for a while, wanting to get them out somewhere. They’re in Italian and Hongbin smiles at the text, feeling like he got a special spoiler, a music video teaser of sorts.

_ You wish, _ is Wonshik’s reply to that jab, making him grin like a fool. He says goodnight and heads off before he can tease him anymore. Wonshik doesn’t reply to him and he falls asleep before the rapper even can, waking up three hours later with a head full of cotton.

He rolls off his bed onto the floor and grunts, laying still for a few moments. He decides to get up in a rush and almost falls on his ass from the blood rushing to his head but he grabs his phone to flick on his torch, effectively blinding himself in the process and almost walks into his door frame in attempts to get out of his room to pee.

He hasn’t eaten since last night and he somehow knows that Wonshik is still awake right now and messages him, getting a reply that’s mostly question marks as to why the hell he’s awake at four in the morning. He could ask him the same damn thing and he does, so Wonshik replies with a photo of his computer, the audio up on the screen.

_ Go back to sleep, _ Wonshik tells him and he’s too tired to tease him or take a jab so he sends him a thumbs up and drags himself back to his bed, leaving his phone in the bathroom for his morning self to stress over and find later.

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ Sleep well. I hope it’s for a long time. _

  
  


***

**Kongbiiini93**

_ Hey, are you busy? _

Wonshik stares at his phone for a few moments, blinking slowly. He doesn’t move for a few seconds, his mind completely blank before he realises that he needs to respond in order to know what Hongbin wants. He quickly replies, messing up his wording and correcting himself and Hongbin asks for his number of all things, making him break into a cold sweat. 

It’s late, he should have been asleep hours ago but his heart beats a little faster and he’s not entirely sure if it’s from the caffeine of his coffee or from Hongbin messaging. But he smiles as he sends his number back back and Hongbin calls him. He almost throws his phone because Hongbin doesn’t respond before calling him, making his ringtone scream in his ears. He takes a breath and answers with a simple, “Hey,” and Hongbin laughs at him with a smile.

_ “If you’re awake now, then you should be hungry?” _

Wonshik wedges his phone in between his face and his shoulder, checking the time on his watch and typing into his computer to pull up his schedule, if he has one for today. He doesn’t until eleven in the morning, thankfully and he tells Hongbin so. “Why? Shouldn’t you be asleep?” he asks, confused by the phasing of the conversation.

_ “Shouldn’t you?”  _ Hongbin retorts and his voice sounds even nicer over the phone but Wonshik tries his best to keep his mind off that. He has nothing to say to that so he keeps quiet, making Hongbin laugh breathlessly and Wonshik can hear the smile in his voice.  _ “Let’s meet up. I can’t sleep and I’m bored, so let’s get breakfast.” _

“But, uh-” Wonshik starts to shake a little, confused. They just started speaking a few weeks ago, on and off between each other since their timing can be a little off sometimes. But they always answer each other and Wonshik likes waking up to random texts from Hongbin about God knows what. Wonshik texts him when he’s bored or when he’s lying in bed with his dog on his chest and complaining about the weather. 

_ “What?”  _ Hongbin asks, his voice a little quiet.  _ “Are you afraid I’m not who I say I am?” _

“No, that’s not what I-” Wonshik sighs, sniffing once. He starts to scratch his neck from the nerves, just to keep himself busy and blows out a breath, trying to will his heart to calm down. “We started talking a few weeks ago, so I’m just… I don’t know.”

_ “Are you worried?”  _ Hongbin laughs softly, not at him but sweet, supportive.  _ “Wonshik, I’m not going to bully you. We’re just meeting up for breakfast, like two friends would usually do. That’s not weird.” _

“Are you not nervous?” Wonshik asks, frowning. Surely he can’t be alone in thinking this.

_ “Yeah,”  _ Hongbin confirms, snorting.  _ “But not in a bad way. Let’s meet, come on. I’m hungry, dude.” _

He promptly hangs up and Wonshik sits in his chair, his phone to his ear before he sighs, scratching his nose. He leans back in his chair, reading Hongbin’s message of when and where to meet and puffs his cheeks out, shaking his head.

He grabs his cap and mask because he hasn’t shaved in two days and he definitely needs to tend to that. He can’t do anything now but he cleans up nice when he wants to, tucking in his shirt, too. He takes his phone and wallet and orders an uber to take him where he needs to go. His nerves don’t calm down but once he’s inside the car and distracting himself with idle conversation. 

He pulls up to the cafe and it’s not even seven in the morning, the diner styled building a little laid back and otherwise empty. Wosnhik knows what Hongbin looks like but nothing prepares him for what he looks like in real life and not overexposed on a computer screen.

The streamer sits in a booth near the far corner, looking out the window. He’s got his black hood up, over his fluffy brown hair that looks like it’s still mused from his pillow but knowing him, he probably hasn’t slept. Wonshik can’t even scold him because he’s in no better position. Hongbin’s still wearing a damn white shirt but he’s got glasses on, simple black frames high on his nose and he looks up at Wonshik, standing up in a rush but they don’t hug, instead just looking at each other. It feels awkward but it’s just a simple greeting because they’re friends that just haven’t met ever. That’s not that weird, right?

“Hey,” Wonshik greets softly, his hands shaking and Hongbin smiles, returning the greeting quietly and gesturing to the booth for them to sit. Wonshik hopes he’ll stop shaking so he can actually enjoy this outing between them but Hongbin doesn’t seem phased and that makes him feel a little better.

“It’s nice to see you,” Hongbin says and Wonshik likes that phrasing. It makes it seem like they’ve been friends for a while, that this isn’t a first meeting. He was nervous like it was one but Hongbin is relaxed, comfortable and open and Wonshik finds himself relishing in that atmosphere, the atmosphere that Hongbin effortlessly creates.

“It’s nice to see you, too,” Wonshik answers, watching a smile creep onto the streamers face as he glances away.

“I want pancakes,” Hongbin admits, looking up at the menu behind the counter, his hands flat on the booth table. “I was thinking about having fruit but I also don’t care. Should I?” He looks back at Wonshik, his eyes alight and Wonshik finds himself smiling.

“I don’t mind,” he answers, shrugging, because he honestly doesn’t. “I think I’ll have whatever you’re having.” 

“So, pancakes?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“You don’t lead much, do you?”

Wonshik snorts, lifting an eyebrow at him. “I’m unphased, that’s all. I’ll have whatever you’re having.” He watches as Hongbin thinks, chewing his lip for a moment and Wonshik notices the hole in the lobe of his ear, making him smile as he gestures to it. It gives him a distraction from Hongbin’s weirdly perfect side profile.

“Oh,” Hongbin says blankly, touching his ear. “Yeah, I used to have my ears pierced. Years ago, though. I repierced in a few months back but I don’t wear my earrings a whole lot.” He clears his throat, pointing to Wonshik’s own dangling earrings. “Nothing like yours. But yours look really nice.”

“CEO perks,” he says, grinning when Hongbin rolls his eyes. It’s easy to talk to him, like they’re meeting up for the first time in a long time, like old friends. Hongbin doesn’t feel like a stranger even though they’ve only been talking to each other for a short period of time. It doesn’t feel out of place, like Hongbin is just some guy he met on the internet even though that’s the truth.

Hongbin is happy to keep quiet with him, occasionally meeting his eyes and smiling at him. When their food comes, that’s when the conversation picks up and Hongbin laughs through his face full of food when Wonshik says something funny. He almost chokes and Wonshik worries for him but he’s wheezing through it, sipping his hot chocolate in the end to try and wet his throat again.

Wonshik refrains from checking the time and it’s only when his phone starts ringing that he answers it, confused as to why his manager is ringing him right now when he finally realises the time. He hangs up on his manager before he can even ask where he is and grabs his coffee, almost spilling it all over himself in his haste.

“I’m sorry!” he says to Hongbin who’s staring at him in shock, his glasses slipping down his nose cutely. “It’s eleven! I need to go- To my schedule. But- Uh, I’ll call you?”

“Yes,” Hongbin blurts, standing up quickly, shoving his frames up his nose. “Yes, call me. I’ll-” 

And Wonshik, in his rush to leave, hugs him suddenly. He hugs him close, over the shoulder and Hongbin is warm, his hands on his ribs just in time to respond before Wonshik is pulling away and running out to try and quickly order himself another uber, blushing at Hongbin laughing at him.

Wonshik pats his pockets once he’s outside and curses because he left Hongbin to pay for the whole thing so he knocks on the window of their booth and tries to communicate to Hongbin what exactly he wants to do. Hongbin stares at him before he smiles, shaking his head quickly and the way his hair shakes with him makes Wonshik smile involuntarily. 

The streamer holds up his hand and pulls out his phone and Wonshik’s own phone vibrates seconds later. Hongbin tells him not to worry about it, that it doesn’t matter, that Wonshik can make up for it next time. He barely has time to register that there will be a  _ next time _ before his uber driver calls him and he backs away from the window, nodding and waving stupidly to Hongbin.

_ Have fun at work, Mr CEO,  _ is Hongbin’s last text to him and Wonshik smiles at it, his face starting to hurt from how much he’s doing that. Wonshik isn’t the type to hide his emotions, he’s quiet forward with them, but his happiness is getting the best of him and it’s only eleven in the morning. He hasn’t slept yet and he met Hongbin for breakfast on a whim and that in itself is a lot to process.

It hits him like a ton of bricks that he fucking  _ hugged _ him, too and he groans in the backseat of the car, his uber driver glancing at him in the rearview mirror but not bothering to comment. God, this really is Kim Wonshik behaviour and he hates that he likes it for the time being because he thinks that it fits Hongbin more than Ravi ever will. He wasn’t cool at all today but it was nice with Hongbin, to just chat like old friends sharing a meal together because that’s what it was. Sure, he didn’t intend to stay for three hours and be late for work but it was three hours well spent so he’s not complaining.

Besides, he’s the CEO. He’s the one that calls the shots so who cares if he’s late? Well, his employees and friends in the company obviously do. 

_ Bad analogy, _ he thinks to himself, rolling his eyes. He mutes his phone to keep his mind as far away from his online like as possible, hoping his manager won’t be too upset with him.

***

Time shifts slowly by, like they’re living in slow motion.

Hongbin’s apartment remembers him, the lights know his movements. Sometimes he doesn’t remember turning them on when he comes home. Maybe he doesn’t turn them on at all. The routine he used to have is disrupted by Wonshik’s messages, Wonshik’s calls, Wonshik’s breakfast packages when Hongbin wakes up at two in the afternoon after finishing his stream at four in the morning. He sent his address under the thought that Wonshik might come by but he’s comfortable with how their familiarity progresses. 

Hongbin sometimes doesn’t know how to gage what’s safe in his life. He doesn’t always know the boundaries he can’t cross, the things he can’t say lest he offend someone. But Wonshik doesn’t seem to have all the answers either. It’s surreal the way they fit together, the way Hongbin wants to write poetry like Wonshik does, aggressive and raw with his emotions that he doesn’t let anyone see. But those are for his eyes only, when it’s dark and quiet and he only has himself to talk to in the dimly lit corners of his bedroom with a game he spent twenty dollars on blinking up at him.

Hongbin isn’t afraid of a lot of things, but what he is afraid of is intimacy. He gives his all to certain people and at this point, the only people to return their alls to him are Gongchan and Sanghyuk, his little brother. He’s afraid to say what he thinks out loud because everything can be gone in a fraction of a second. He could wake up and no one will be there to watch his streams but time will still pass in slow motion like it always does. His lights will remember all the shadows he’s casted in this apartment until someone else comes to live here and the lights will remember their shadows too, the impressions they’ll leave on the infrastructure over Hongbin’s imprints.

It’s not often that the melancholy strikes him like this. Wonshik had told him over the phone today about his struggles as an artist, minimal information of where he came from before he met Hongbin. They’ve shared a lot between themselves in the time that they’ve known each other, almost three months but Hongbin can be lonely and Wonshik likes to pick up his phone on the first ring so he’s never lonely for long. When Wonshik talks, Hongbin listens to him. Wonshik likes to talk a lot and Hongbin likes to reflect but the reflections escape from his hold and lead him to this and he wonders if this is what it’s like to live like Wonshik, with the doubt and the questions of self-worth.

But Wonshik always gets back up and Hongbin finds himself infatuated with his strive, his need to be the best he can be, to make people hear him for who he is. Wonshik doesn’t pretend and Hongbin knows he’s doing a good job at projecting that image if he can see it plain as day in the three months that they’ve been talking every day. 

Wonshik always picks up on the first ring and Hongbin always messages first. They both like the company and Wonshik gets carried away when Wonshik’s partner isn’t there with him because Hongbin is  _ distracting _ but it just makes them both laugh. Wonshik is cute when he laughs and Hongbin wants to see that in real time because they haven’t met since the first breakfast outing and Hongbin’s feelings are abusing his mind right now and making him think of the CEO.

Wonshik sometimes finishes his texts with hearts and Hongbin smirks at the confirmation he sends back, switching on his music as the call connects to Wonshik, greeting him with a little wave. 

The CEO smiles at him and Hongbin feels at ease when he hears his laugh, his camera a little grainy but it focuses on him and they talk about this and that, just playing catch up for now. Hongbin isn’t scheduled to stream but he doesn’t want to sleep right now and he hasn’t spoken to Wonshik properly in a few days, so it's perfect timing, even if Wonshik is technically at work. He’s working and Hongbin watches him for a moment as the CEO shifts in his seat, looking at his other monitors, his tongue pressed against his cheek.

Hongbin slips on his glasses. “New song?” he asks, keeping his voice soft and Wonshik hums in reply, his eyes on his other monitor. He sniffs, leaning on his hand before he moves to his mouse and Hongbin can hear the clicking and the shuffling very distantly, not loud enough to annoy him. “Is it difficult? To make a song out of nothing?”

Wonshik hums again before tucking his hands away, crossing his arms and giving his full attention to Hongbin. “Yes and no,” he answers, sighing. “I’m further than making the base of the song. It’s just tweaking stuff, really.” The CEO licks his lips and Hongbin catches the movement, raising his eyebrows but Wonshik doesn’t notice. “Trying to get things to fit where they don’t want to go. It’s just annoying me because it’s the little things.”

Hongbin hums in return, making Wonshik chuckle at him, looking down. It’s cute, the way he gets quiet when he’s focused. When Hongbin logs onto his game and mutes the in game mics just so he can listen to Wonshik hum the lines he’s written in his ears, he smiles to himself. Wonshik starts to sing a few lines at a time, just to test how they sound and compares them to what he’s recorded and Hongbin can hear him scribbling down in his notebook, clicking to the beat to keep time.

“Fuck,” Wonshik whispers to himself after a while and Hongbin clicks back onto the call to check what he’s doing. It’s interesting, even the way he curses somehow has a charm to it. He’s still staring at his computer, nodding along with his tongue pushing at the corner of his mouth and Hongbin tries not to ignore that.

“What’s the issue with it?” Hongbin asks, signing out of his game because he’s starting to get hungry and he flicks open his ordering app on his phone mindlessly, already knowing what he’s going to order. When was the last time Wonshik ate? Maybe he should order for him too… It could be nice to have dinner over the phone like this.

“Copying the wrong files,” Wonshik answers, his eyes reflecting the white of his screen. It lights them up in a different way than usual and he switches to biting his finger nail but Hongbin tells him to stop because it’s a bad habit and he does, still focused on his screen with his mouth slightly open, his scarred eyebrow lifted.

“Do you want dinner?” Hongbin asks and Wonshik hums, mindlessly sending his studio address over so Hongbin can order for him. He mutters about the money but Hongbin ignores him, telling him it’s him paying him back for breakfast wonshik sent over to him last week.

“Listen to this for me,” Wosnhik says suddenly, unplugging his headphones and playing the verse for Hongbin to listen to. They’ve never done this before and Hongbin tries to hide his excitement and curiosity. It’s a good flow and it fits well with the beat but Wonshik is right. It feels off and Hongbin asks him to play it again, smiling when he figures it out that feels off about it.

“Can you raise the pitch a little?” he asks and Wonshik nods, doing what he asked and when he plays it back, he starts to laugh, shaking his head. It sounds a little silly since Wonshik's voice is naturally so low but it's exactly what's missing. The tone of his voice is off but the rest of the song is good and Hongbin can’t wait to hear it on the charts.

“What would I do without you?” Wonshik laughs, looking right into the camera with a proud smile and Hongbin snorts, grateful that his camera doesn’t show how obvious his blush is on call. He likes Wonshik’s company, that’s all. That’s why his heart beats a little faster when he smiles.

“Probably crash and burn.”

  
  


***

_ “Will you come over?” _ he asked Wonshik one night, a few weeks later. Wonshik said yes, that he has a free day and even if he didn’t, he’d make a free day for him. It’s easy, to meet up and talk to him and just relax and Hongbin wants that right now.

“It feels like a high school sleepover,” Hongbin says when he sits down, laughing to himself.

“Yeah, but I’m not bullying you for liking the girl in your math class so it loses its charm.”

Hongbin laughs again and flicks his playlist over to yet another girl group. When Wonshik came over for the first time, Hongbin was nervous. But he fits in so well, exploring Hongbin’s apartment to make himself familiar and right now, he's trying to solve a Rubik's cube that Hongbin has had since he was fifteen with a new obsession for colours and problem solving.

“Oh, Gugudan?” Wonshik asks, looking up at Hongbin over his fake glasses. “I used to work with them.”

“I sometimes forget that you're actually famous,” Hongbin answers, lifting an eyebrow. He grins when Wonshik glares at him. “What? You're a nerd. That's not my fault.”

“Says the one who still owns a Rubik's cube.”

“Says the one that's  _ solving _ it.”

Wonshik throws the cube at Hongbin but he catches it easily, smirking to himself and in a few minutes, it’s solved and Hongbin sits back on the couch, smug as Wonshik sighs, pushing up his glasses and shaking his head. He looks around Hongbin’s apartment again and frowns at a photo that makes Hongbin smile to himself. 

Wonshik stands up, taking the small frame from the little dresser against the wall and asks, “Who is this?”

“That's Gongchan.” He stands up and tells him of how they met, the simple version.  _ Old friend from high school. He wanted to be an idol but we busk together sometimes. _

“You busk?” is what Wonshik takes from that, his smile lighting up his whole face. It’s almost uncomfortable how much Wonshik makes him want to feel happy and he swallows, nodding and turning so he doesn't have to look at the CEO for too much longer.

“Just guitar,” he adds, sitting back down on the couch, Rubik's cube in his hands. “Sometimes I sing. But Gongchan likes to sing, so I leave a lot of it to him. We don't do it so much anymore.”

“You don't like it anymore?” Wonshik sounds hurt, his eyes wondering.

“No, we just got busy. Gongchan has to hide himself because of his actual job if we ever do it.” Hongbin points to the other framed photo next to the one Wonshik picked up, Gongchan next to him and his eyes show that he’s smiling underneath the grey mask. “The mask and cap. He sits behind me and sings while I play. But he doesn't like it like that.”

“Is Gongchan his real name?”

“No, it’s Gong Chansik.” Hongbin snorts, flicking the cube around to make a random pattern that he didn't think he’d remember but his memory surprises him. “He chose it in high school. That's his in game name a lot of the time.”

“But you chose Waterhyacinth,” Wonshik laughs, sitting down next to him. He throws an arm over the back of the couch and Hongbin feels his ears heating up when his brain tricks him into wishing Wonshik would put his arm around his shoulders.

Hongbin stands up suddenly, putting the cube down and stretching to try and mask the fact that his ears are as hot as the damn sun and he shakes his head, asking Wonshik if he wants to play a game.

The rapper looks at him in surprise before his cheeks turn pink. “Uh… I don't think I’d be any good.”

“What, you haven't played since high school or something?” Hongbin kneels at his television, pulling out the little baskets in the cabinet and shuffling through the games. Maybe Mario Kart? Surely he can't be that bad at that, even if he's out of practise.

“I never played games as a kid.”

Hongbin’s entire personality shatters in the air between them, the tension thick like a rope and Wonshik has the other end wrapped around his hand. But the rapper stares at him, his eyes equally wide and Hongbin chokes, shell shocked.

“Like, you didn't like playing them or your parents never let you?” he whispers, dramatic for the effect but he's genuinely shocked. What the hell did Wonshik grow up with, then?

“My parents wouldn't let me,” he answers quickly. “I liked playing them at my friends’ houses but my mother never let me. She was convinced it would ruin my brain.”

“Yeah, ruin your brain with a good childhood,” Hongbin spits but he's not serious. Wonshik laughs and he slips the disc into his console, connecting the remotes and handing one to Wonshik as he sits back down. Wonshik’s arm does fall a little bit down but Hongbin kicks himself because he tells him to put both hands on the wheel so he can actually play.

“Like a car?” Wonshik asks, getting used to the controls and selecting his car. He picks the weirdest combination but Hongbin doesn't bother telling him that those wheels  _ suck _ and smiles to himself. Wonshik’s profile is nice and he wrinkles his nose cutely as he settles into the couch to play.

Hongbin kicks his ass, long story short, but Wonshik is a little bit of a sore loser so when Hongbin tries to get up and change the game or even turn off the console, Wonshik wraps his arms around Hongbin’s waist, teasing him about how small it is and holding him in his lap, playing over the top of him.

“If you seriously think this will help you win, you have to be stupid,” Hongbin mutters, his ears back to betraying him his non-existant feelings. He doesn't like Wonshik like that. God, he doesn't even know what  _ like that _ means.

“It won't, but it stops you from moving,” Wonshik says, tucking his face into Hongbin’s shoulder. “Get comfortable because I’m not letting you go.”

“You suck,” Hongbin replies but he does get comfortable and it’s a groundbreaking, mind numbing discovery to know that Wonshik is very comfortable to lean against. 

Hongbin wins again but Wonshik doesn't let him go, instead holding him again and falling into the couch. When Hongbin screams and smacks his hand, asking if this is what he does with all his new friends, Wonshik grins at him and Hongbin feels his smile against his shoulder.

“When I first met Taekwoon-hyung, I had to kiss him.”

“Yeah, we don't have to do that, I’m fine with being the little spoon.”

“Are you actually?”

“No, you dumbass,” Hongbin answers, trying to squirm away but Wonshik’s grip on him doesn't give. “What the fuck! If you wanted a hug, I’d call your hyung.”

“Do you hate affection that much?” Wonshik asks and he actually sounds concerned, his grasp loosening. “Is it because I’m a man?”

Hongbin sits up quickly and scowls at him, borderline offended that Wonshik would even insinuate something like that. “What? Are you stupid?”

“You don't seem comfortable,” Wonshik answers carefully, his eyes elsewhere and that gives away enough for Hongbin to sit up straight and shake his head.

“It’s not that,” he answers firmly. “It’s… I don't do that, with anyone. I never have. So, I guess it’s just a little weird to suddenly have it.” Wonshik sits up too, his hair falling into his eyes and Hongbin doesn't try and stop himself, pushing it from his eyes. Wonshik watches him but he doesn't reply, studying Hongbin’s movements so he explains it to him.

“Even Gongchan and I,” he says slowly, his eyes on his hand as he draws it back from Wonshik’s hair. “We hug and stuff but nothing like that. I’m just… I guess I’m not friends with affectionate people. But it’s nice, just… different.”

“Weird?” Wonshik offers but Hongbin shakes his head. It’s not weird, it’s good. He just finds it awkward to give it back sometimes but Wonshik is making him want to do it more which is  _ weird _ and confusing and messing with his perspectives but he doesn't voice those feelings to the CEO.

“I won't do it anymore if you're not comfortable,” Wonshik says but he doesn't seem overly upset. 

And yet, Hongbin shakes his head. “You can do it,” he says quickly, in a rush. “I just- I might not give it back. But I like hugging. I guess.”

Wonshik holds his gaze for a few seconds before he laughs, laying back down on the couch and sighing in relief. “I thought you were about to dump something really heavy on me. Like, you hate gay people or something.”

“Yeah, because that's what you want to tell someone you like being friends with.” Hongbin rolls his eyes. “No, I just have no real… experience. In anything.”

“Wait, you've never had a girlfriend?” Wonshik hisses, sitting up in a rush. He moves so fast that he almost hits Hongbin in the face and he rushes to apologise. “Are you serious, though? Like, nothing at all?”

“This is why I don't tell people these things,” Hongbin sighs, drawing away but Wonshik holds him there, his hand on his arm. “Is it really that weird?”

“It’s not weird, it’s just-” Wonshik raised his eyebrows, hoping Hongbin will somehow get it but he just stares blankly back at him, making the rapper gesture to all of him. “Hongbin, you're fucking gorgeous. Like, it makes me angry.” He points to the photos of Hongbin’s drawers. “You looked cute in high school, too. I couldn't see without my glasses in high school and my mother let me cut my own hair. And yet you looked like  _ that _ .”

“I didn't do anything,” he mutters, looking away. He didn't bring this topic up for compliments.

“That's even more annoying!” Wonshik laughs suddenly, his hand coming up to make Hongbin look at him. “You're funny, too. And really smart and talented. I’m just surprised you have dated because if I was a girl, I wouldn't leave you alone.”

Hongbin sighs, avoiding his eyes again. “Thanks? That's what it always is. That I’m too pretty to not be dating.”

“Some of my friends are the same but they do just fine by themselves,” Wonshik adds quietly, giving him a small smile. “I haven't dated in a long time. Nothing serious. I can do what I want but my last serious relationship didn't end well and you don't get much time to yourself while you're an idol, let alone time to date someone.”

“Do people date in the industry?” Hongbin asks, glad the topic is off him for now. He doesn’t know much about Wonshik as an idol so he’s intrigued to know more.

“All the time,” Wonshik laughs, laying back down and staring at the ceiling. “Taekwoon-hyung did at first but he broke up with her. You meet a lot of people every day so it’s easier if they're in your line of work. I’ve gotten close with a few rappers but it really depends. Some people have dated their backup dancers. My last hook up was with one of mine. We still work together, so you have to keep things pretty open and professional.”

“Was he nice?”

“Yeah,” Wonshik smiles, closing his eyes. He seems a lot more at ease after admitting that fact. “Really sweet.” He doesn't say anything more but Hongbin leans back, comfortable where he is and Wonshik’s arm lays across his legs, easy and familiar. The conversation is eye opening and Hongbin finds himself reflecting again but it’s hard to think about anything in great detail when Wonshik is very close to falling asleep on his couch with his arm on Hongbin’s thighs.

“Do you want to stay over?” he asks quietly, looking down at the CEO and Wonshik hums, opening one eye to look at him. 

“If you don't mind.”

“Not leading,” Hongbin says quietly, Wonshik’s arm wrapping around his waist more snugly. But Hongbin doesn't mind at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the love on this! if this feels like it's moving a little quickly, im trying to subtly make the weeks pass because i want to focus more on their relationship and what is to come and i have a habit of drawing things out in writing so i don't want to make yall wait through like 14 chapters before anything happens lol  
i hope you enjoyed this!


	4. Chapter 4

Wonshik’s single comes out well as planned and he's grateful for the love he receives from his fans, the flood of comments and replies online making his heart sing. Taekwoon surprises him with a dinner, just for the two of them, to catch up and chat like a couple of old ladies over tea just like they used to. Taekwoon likes cooking so it’s his apartment that they set up shop for the night and he requests no distractions, one of the very rare times that Wonshik is able to unplug from the world for a night. He even leaves his phone at home to stop the temptation.

“Are you happy?” his hyung asks from the kitchen as he plates up their food. Wonshik has been flicking through the channels on Taekwoon’s television before settling on a cooking show that makes him laugh. It’s in English so Taekwoon has no hope of understanding it but what Wonshik can pick up makes him chuckle.

“Yeah, I’m happy,” he answers, standing up to dust himself off. “Are you?”

“I’m great,” Taekwoon answers but he doesn't look satisfied with Wonshik’s reply, a frown present on his face. “You seem different. Like, more relaxed.”

Wonshik pulls out his chair, slumping into it and sighing in content. “I’m always relaxed.”

“No,  _ more _ .”

“If this about my energy again-”

“Shut up,” Taekwoon snaps, putting the plate in front of him as he sits down too. “Stuff your face. I was trying to be nice.”

“You were trying to be fake deep, actually,” Wonshik smirks, but he does what he's told. He literally bites off more than he can chew, Taekwoon having made spaghetti and garlic bread because Wonshik specifically asked. 

“The song was good,” Taekwoon comments, one side of his mouth full and Wonshik thanks him with a dip of his head. Their song will be released with a mini album later on in time and Wonshik is excited for their fans to hear their duo return. He and Taekwoon have been a duo group for a while now, for almost five years. They both were soloists before, their careers supported and loved by many, before their company decided to take a chance and put their two most different artists together to create a watercolour of beauty and complimenting energy that was a goldmine for success from the start.

Wonshik still remembers the moment he fell in love with Taekwoon as an artist. They had been recording, hoping for something good to come out of their sessions when Taekwoon closed his eyes and sang a four tier high note that made Wonshik burst into disbelieving laughter and stand up in shock. From there, they kept experimenting and testing, seeing how high Wonshik’s voice could go and how deep Taekwoon’s could. Ravi was featured on Leo’s title tracks, the backing vocals and Taekwoon records Wonshik for his Instagram while he works.

“You're different,” Taekwoon says again, looking at Wonshik suspiciously. “It’s weird. Are you seeing someone?”

“What?” Wonshik spits, confused. What the fuck? “What are you talking about?”

Taekwoon leans back in his chair slowly, calculating. He can be a sly cat when he wants to be, and he tilts his head. “You seem relaxed and happy. Did you get laid?”

“Are you stupid?”

“Am I right?”

“No!” Wonshik scoffs, shaking his head. “I met someone but it’s not anything like that. He's just a friend.”

“Your last ‘just a friend’ was over two years ago and I thought you were going to marry her.”

Wonshik stares at Taekwoon, raising his eyebrow as he glares. “Hongbin is just a friend,” he presses before he mentally kicks himself. Why did he say his name?

“Hongbin?” Taekwoon echoes, frowning. He looks down, folding his arms on the table in thought, probablu trying to remember if he knows a Hongbin but Wonshik sighs.

“He's not an idol,” he offers and Taekwoon’s eyes widen, surprised. “He's a streamer. Games and stuff, online.”

Taekwoon starts to smile, his eyes twinkling and he leans forward in his chair. “How did you meet him?” he asks softly.

“It’s a long story,” Wonshik says when it’s really not, trying to dismiss him. It’s not that he doesn't want to talk about Hongbin; he knows that once he starts, he won't shut up and that will give Taekwoon even more grounds to tease him. Taekwoon is weirdly confident and he knows when he has the upperhand. He doesn't let people forget when he does.

“He's nice,” Wonshik offers, picking at his food a little. Taekwoon huffs a laugh but he doesn't press. Wonshik is grateful.

  
  


***

It’s a busy time, for the both of them.

Hongbin forgets the times when he's not streaming. He calls off a stream one night to rest his mind for a while and rings Wonshik, hoping the CEO isn't too busy that he can't answer. It’s comeback season and Hongbin doubts Wonshik hasn't got anything planned for the coming weeks that will make him unreachable for a while as he prepares to make money out of the game they both call life.

Hongbin stands on his balcony for the fresh air when Wonshik answers and he distantly recalls being a teenager and smoking a cigarette with his friend on her balcony when her parents weren’t home. He hated the taste but liked the thrill and now he isn't sure if he’d still like it. But that's just the beginning of an addiction that he doesn't need, even if he can afford it.

_ “What's up?”  _ Wonshik asks and Hongbin invites him over without much of an explanation and the CEO is at his apartment in what feels like seconds, knocking on his door.

“Relax,” Hongbin says as he opens the door, only to be hugged by Wonshik tightly, the rapper’s breaths coming out in bursts. “What's wrong?” he asks, surprised.

“I got scared,” Wonshik answers, making Hongbin’s heart drop as he rubs his back. “I thought something happened.”

“I would have told you,” Hongbin says quietly. He's grateful Wonshik isn't crying but he does feel strange that he made him worry. “I’m okay. Just wanted company, that's all.”

“I wanted some too,” Wonshik admits as he pulls away. He studies Hongbin for a moment, looking into his eyes as if it will show his secrets so Hongbin raises his eyebrows and smiles minutely. Wonshik touches his cheeks quickly, looking into his eyes before he drops his hand, a flush on his cheeks.

It takes a little shifting around but Hongbin throws on a movie for background noise and pulls out his couch, unfolding it. It’s easier and a little less intimate than being in Hongbin’s bedroom and he doesn't want to sleep. Wonshik wastes time on his phone and climbs onto the bed once it’s out, flopping onto his stomach.

“You canceled your stream for tonight?” he asks softly and Hongbin lies down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He left his phone on the kitchen bench and soon Wonshik puts his down, when Hongbin takes a little too long to reply.

“Yeah, I just wasn't feeling it,” Hongbin answers, not looking at him. He closes his eyes to rest them, keeping his arms by his side. “Just… Tired, I think? I don’t know. But I’m not in the mood.”

Wonshik doesn’t fight him. He merely hums, closing his eyes. He’s happy to lay there, content, and Hongbin doesn’t know many people who would feel the same. Sometimes he can boring, annoying and honestly, too sarcastic to handle. But Wonshik has yet to experience most of that and even know, in the quiet of Hongbin’s radio silenced apartment, he’s at peace.

“Do you want to go out?” Hongbin asks him. Wonshik is on his stomach still, his arms crossed underneath his head and he turns to look at Hongbin, shrugging as best as he can.

“If you want to, we can.”

Hongbin doesn’t comment on the  _ no leading _ joke they seem to have going between them and he hums in reply, neither denying or agreeing. “I can’t cook, so there’s no chance we’ll get anything from the cupboards unless it’s cup noodles.”

“I can’t cook either.” Wonshik laughs at him, shaking his head a little, making Hongbin smile too. “Guess that makes us soulmates.” The both of them pause but when Wonshik struggles up, onto his arms to stretch his back, he opens his mouth to clear that up. “I didn’t-”

“I guess it does,” Hongbin answers, interrupting him before he can take it back. He opens his eyes and grins at Wonshik, lifting himself from the sofa bed and smacking his arm lightheartedly, telling him to get his shoes on. 

If Wonshik can’t see his pink cheeks then Hongbin can’t see his, either.

They decide to go out and get takeout, rather than sitting down in a restaurant for a meal. Wonshik runs the risk of being recognised and Hongbin doesn’t have much energy to stay out and dream about being home. 

Wonshik, even though he can’t cook at all, sure does know a lot of good restaurants and he treats Hongbin to butter chicken and rice, something simple but filling in the best way. They make it home without too many accidents. Wonshik almost spills one of the curry laksas they got on himself as he comes up the stairs and Hongbin threatens to shove him down the stairs if he isn’t quiet.

“I heard your new single,” Hongbin comments idly as they serve themselves. Wonshik chuckles, his ears turning pink before Hongbin can even praise him. “It was nice. I liked the lyrics.”

“Good. I spend the most time on those.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Hongbin scoffs back, shaking his head at Wonshik’s pleased chuckle. It’s comfortable, the air between them open and natural. “Can’t imagine what you spend the rest of your time doing. Oh, wait. It’s talking to me.”

“I have other friends!” Wonshik fires back but Hongbin rolls his eyes, jabbing in his direction with his chopsticks.

“Your music hyungs don’t count. Name someone not in the industry.”

“Jiwon,” he answers immediately, smug but Hongbin isn’t convinced. It takes one dirty look from him for Wonshik to blurt, “Okay, she’s my little sister. But I have other friends! They’re not idols, but they’re still in the industry, I guess. I’ve known two of them since I was in high school.”

Hongbin finds himself smiling at that. He knows that the industry can make it difficult for artists to make friends outside of their work so he’s glad Wonshik’s high school friends have lasted with him. “Okay, they can count. I guess that’s like Gongchan and I.”

Wonshik nods before he looks around again, frowning. “You only have photos of Gongchan. Is he actually your brother?”

Hongbin leans back in his chair. It never occurred to him that he doesn’t have photos of his family around. “No, he’s just a friend. I don’t really see my family that often.”

There must have been something in his tone because Wonshik blinks and shakes his hand in dismissal. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up old memories.”

“No, it’s not…” He licks his lips slowly, looking down at his bowl, suddenly losing his appetite. “I have a brother, and I see him as much as anyone sees their family. But my parents and I don’t really talk that often.”

“I’m guessing they live far away?” Wonshik asks, not unkindly. 

Hongbin nods, picking at his food. He gives no further comment because there isn’t much reason to. It’s not something he tells people often, because there’s no need. It’s not strange for a man living out of town in his twenties to not speak regularly to his parents. He hopes Wonshik doesn’t find that strange but judging from how he responded, he doesn’t seem to mind all that much.

Wonshik doesn’t push anymore but Hongbin watches him eat for a few moments before looking away. He takes a breath but Wonshik stands up, leaving their dishes on the table. He leans on the back of the couch, smiling at Hongbin before he flips himself over the back, rolling around like a stupid teenager. But Hongbin isn’t far behind him, jumping the back and almost landing on the CEO.

It’d be impossible to explain how, but Hongbin ends up on top of Wonshik, over his back. The CEO is on his phone and Hongbin lifts his hand to scroll for him when Wonshik complains at his hands are tired.

“You’re a child,” Hongbin berates but there’s no heat to it at all. Wonshik tries to shift to throw him off but it doesn’t work. Hongbin ends up sliding down his back, onto the sofa bed next to Wonshik. Their gazes meet and Wonshik asks if he’s alright, to which Hongbin looks back at the ceiling, humming.

“Overthinking,” he answers before Wonshik can question him. He’s not, not really, but at the same time, he is. Wonshik makes him feel at home in his own apartment which is something he didn’t think was impossible but it’s comfortable with him, even if their lives are a little chaotic and not nearly stupid enough for their liking. But Hongbin likes that, the way that they both fit into each other’s routines without hassle. It’s nice as it is surreal. Hongbin feels a lot more than he’s ever felt when he’s with Wonshik and it scares him as much as it excites him.

“You’re different,” is what Hongbin blurts a few moments later, glancing at Wonshik. “To everyone I’ve known. I don’t know what it is.”

But Wonshik doesn’t turn away from him in disgust, or call him strange. He smiles, his cheeks bunching up a little and it makes Hongbin want to kiss him, which is what is making him overthink. “You’re different, too. It’s different to be with someone who works at the times I do, but isn’t an artist, I think?” He sniffs, laying his head on his arms again. “Whatever it is, I don’t care much about the specifics. It’s nice, to have you around.”

Hongbin chuckles to him, turning his head to meet Wonshik’s eyes. “It’s nice to have you around, too.”

  
  


***

_ A long time since you’ve had a friend like this. _

Hongbin distantly remembers his mother saying that to him when he brought Gongchan over for the first time. He was quiet in school, kept to himself, was never the popular kind. But Gongchan was. And yet, he was the one pestering Hongbin to play on his Gameboy, to sit next to him at lunchtime to watch him defeat the gym trainers and heal his pokemon just so Gongchan could ask which ones they were and get Hongbin talking for the first time in a long time at school.

“She likes me?” Gongchan asked after Hongbin told him that, laughing at the phrasing. “That’s good. But… I don’t mean to be rude, but why don’t you have a lot of friends? Doesn’t your brother go to this school, too?”

Hongbin shrugged, not giving his friend an answer but they both knew what it was. Only, Gongchan figured it out later on. 

Hongbin is likeable, until he’s suddenly not. 

People give up and move on. People grow fond of other things that aren’t Hongbin’s jabs and taunts, his gaming hobby and electronic interests. His friends never stuck around for long because they liked to crush on girls and be obnoxious to their parents. Hongbin never fit in right and he never really liked to. The boys his age didn’t like him because he wasn’t like them.

But Gongchan was similar. The girls liked him because he flirted with them but he never had a girlfriend. He never had anyone, really, until college. And that was because Hongbin set him up with a girl from his IT class that was sweet and flushed when Gongchan greeted them during their break between classes.

Hongbin never had friends because he doesn’t really do ‘friends’. It sounds so temporary and when Gongchan asked what college he was going to, he almost didn’t tell him. But Gongchan got this far with him, and they’re still friends now, but Hongbin considers him a brother. He wonders when he made the switch.

But this just makes Hongbin think more and more. He’s never had a real friend besides Gongchan and a few online that have known him since he was seventeen. People move on but Hongbin has never had a constant. And he’s certainly never had feelings for anyone. People don’t stick around long enough to let him open up and express himself but right now, everything is fucking with his head because  _ Wonshik _ is pressing but it’s not annoying Hongbin like it usually would.

The final straw was on Hongbin’s stream, when there was suddenly a call on his intercom for a package he definitely did not order.

“I’ll be back,” he told his stream, muting his mic and answering the intercom. They have the wrong door number. He prepares himself to tell the delivery man that because his neighbour has ordered a few things that have been delivered to him instead but the delivery man shakes his head in the video feed.

_ “No, this is addressed to Lee Hongbin?”  _ He checks the return address.  _ “Uh, from… Kim Wonshik?” _

Hongbin blinks but numbly presses the button to unlock the doors and let the man in. He takes the package and signs for it, confused. He opens it on the lounge room floor and grabs his phone, ringing Wonshik in a hurry and yelling at him when the CEO picks up.

“You seriously have to be fucking insane,” Hongbin cusses at him, staring at the box. “How much did you fucking spend on this? Are you crazy?”

Wonshik laughs but it’s not a joke. One of the most expensive microphones sits in the box in front of him, addressed to him from Wonshik and he’s losing his fucking mind.

_ “Your friend must be rich as hell,”  _ Wonshik chuckles, but it’s not a brag.  _ “Maybe he just really likes you. Wants to support you.” _

“A ‘job well done’ would have been  _ fine _ ,” Hongbin hisses, his hand stilling on the bubblewrap. God, what is going on? “Wonshik, you really didn’t-”

_ “I wanted to.” _ Wonshik’s voice is soft and Hongbin hates that his heart speeds up because he can hear the smile he pictures in his mind from Wonshik’s voice. To him, it makes his feelings right a mile a minute and he sighs, slumping down on his knees on the floor. This is the final straw. He’s screwed. He’s  _ screwed _ .

“Wonshik, this is too much,” he breathes, clenching his fist around the bubblewrap just to pop it. “I need- Seriously, I need to pay you back somehow.”

_ “I’ll think of what you can do,”  _ the CEO answers softly.  _ “Aren’t you supposed to be streaming right now?” _

Hongbin shakes his head, laughing to himself in shock. “How can I go back to it after this…?”

_ “You’re acting like I asked you to marry me.” _

“This is the same!”

Wonshik laughs softly and it makes Hongbin’s blood sing or whatever other poetic notion he could come up in that moment. He sighs and Wonshik tells him to keep streaming and he’ll help him set the microphone up when they can, as a repayment back to him as if that makes it any better. Which it  _ doesn’t,  _ Wonshik is still  _ doing _ something for him. But Hongbin is paying for food and that’s final.

He sits back down in his chair in front of his computer and unmutes his microphone, greeting everyone again. The chat floods with questions of where he’s been and he was gone for forty five minutes in the end, so he laughs a little, apologising.

“Sorry, a… uh, friend rang me. I couldn’t miss his phone call or he’d kill me.”

_ Is he a good friend? _ someone asks and Hongbin chuckles, nodding even though they can’t see him.

“Yeah,” he says softly, hoping no one will pick up on his wistful tone. “Yeah, he’s a good friend.

  
  


***

Hongbin holds off setting up the new microphone. 

It feels silly, because he doesn’t want to set it up without Wonshik with him like he said he’d do. They keep bringing it up to each other, because Hongbin needs to soundproof his room as well so he can record better in there to which Wonshik said he’d help while he’s there.

They plan to do it all in one night but it hasn’t happened yet. They keep cancelling and rescheduling - Hongbin has to stream, Wonshik has a meeting he needs to attend. Hongbin needs to run errands for Gongchan, Wonshik has to record. Wonshik needs to write, Hongbin needs to fix his playstation three so he can play it next week.

It’s small things, but they build up and soon the wall is too high between them to get anything done like they wanted. Taekwoon has a comeback coming up soon and Wonshik is helping him to prepare for that as well as working on his mixtape because even though he’s a CEO, if he doesn’t set himself a deadline then he won’t be motivated enough to complete it. 

Hongbin texts Wonshik when he’s going to bed and always gets a goodnight in return. Wonshik messages him before he goes to the gym in the morning and Hongbin feels ill knowing Wonshik hasn’t slept all night but is going to the gym so early. He leaves a good luck text for him and sighs, lying back down in his bed.

He knows where Wonshik’s studio is and when Wonshik replies to him an hour or so later to say he’s going back to the studio, Hongbin times his order of breakfast from him as a way to pay him back. Wonshik finds it easily when it arrives and takes a photo, asking why Hongbin did it because he immediately knows it’s from him.

_ You need to eat if you’re not going to sleep _ , Hongbin tells him, avoiding any use of emojis. He wants this to be lighthearted but Wonshik ignoring sleep isn’t healthy but Hongbin is no better than him.  _ At least let me take care of you like this. _

_ You’re cute. I’ll sleep after I eat, _ Wonshik replies. He adds a heart and Hongbin’s reply back, an angry face, is seen but not responded to. He really hopes Wonshik is a bad liar but there’s no update on his story or any messages from him for a few hours later so Hongbin really hopes he listened.

  
  


***

**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ Is it stupid if I miss you _

It’s been almost three weeks since they’ve seen each other. Hongbin stares at his phone and his heart starts beating, speeding up and crashing down and God, is this what it feels like to be in love? He doesn't know, he really doesn't know what it’s like  _ at all _ but he doesn't mind falling in love if it’s with Wonshik. 

Is that too much? He’s being stupid. He  _ has _ to be losing his mind, he’s so far in this it’s scary. He thinks way too much and then his heart confuses him with all its emotions and makes him shake. But he messages Wonshik back and tells him the truth even if it makes him want to tear his hair out.

**Kongbiiini93**

_ No _

_ I miss you too shik _

_ Where are you _

  
  


**RAVITHECRACKKIDZ**

_ Hongbin I really miss you _

_ Studio _

  
  


He’s lucky he steps out with his hoodie on because rain drops decide to fall on him the second he sets foot onto the street. When Hongbin makes it to the studio, it’s pouring rain and he's well on his way to being soaked to the bone because the world likes to be dramatic and a random shower at ten o’clock at night decided to curse him.

“Hi, I’m looking for Kim Wonshik?” Hongbin asks the receptionist who glances up at him. She just nods, Wonshik must have told her something about him so he goes straight up to the floor she tells him. 

There’s a silver plaque next to each door and Hongbin finds Wonshik’s studio, knocking on the glass door, leaving droplets on the door. He shakes his hand free of water and sighs, opening the door quietly. The building is comfortable and Hongbin doesn’t want to disturb the silence so he creeps in and shuts the door behind him softly, earning Wonshik’s attention.

The CEO moves quickly, pulling off his headphones and he stands up, his hands out so Hongbin hugs him even though he hates the contact normally. He hates that Wonshik makes him want to do all the shit he normally dislikes but he loves it at the same time. Wonshik is warm, he's always warm and just being held by him is enough to make Hongbin relax, holding onto Wonshik like a scared animal even though Wonshik was the one that messaged him tonight. What was he thinking about? What made him miss Hongbin so bad?

“Hi,” Wonshik whispers, his hand in Hongbin’s wet hair, threading through it and flicking the water out of it. Hongbin tightens his grasp on his back and tucks himself into Wonshik’s shoulder like he belongs there. He doesn't know how to do this, how to fit in anything he’s even been involved in but Wonshik makes him belong and he really loves that, as selfish as it might be.

“Can't greet me back?” Wonshik laughs when Hongbin shakes his head, quiet but not willing to let him go just this second. He does pull back eventually, looking at Wonshik and laughing suddenly, looking to the side with his hands still on Wonshik’s waist.

They don’t talk much, it’s a lot easier for Hongbin to sit next to Wonshik, his feet in his lap while he plays on his phone. Wonshik’s hand rests on his knee as he places the other on the mouse, switching through the audios he can and editing them simply. It’s comfortable, it almost feels like some kind of Hollywood movie that Hongbin would rather throw up than have to watch but it’s Wonshik so it’s okay and they’re just friends even though Hongbin closes his eyes when Wonshik rubs his leg slowly, mindlessly with his eyes glued to the screen. This is what friends do, right?

Wonshik eventually leans back in his chair and Hongbin puts his phone down to look at him, moving his legs a little to get more comfortable. Wonshik is just looking at him, a small smile on his face and he reaches up just to push Hongbin’s bangs out of his face, making him shake his head like a wet dog.

“You look like a rabbit,” he comments and Hongbin frowns at him.

“You look like your dog.”

“I take that as a compliment. My dog is very handsome.”

“You shouldn’t.”

Wonshik juts his bottom lip out comically, leaning forward, closer to Hongbin. “I know I’m not much, but I do try a little.”

Hongbin reaches up and squishes Wonshik’s cheeks together softly, moving his face a little and cooing at him. Ironically, of course. Because they’re just fri- Okay, this is getting old. “You do try a little. You clean up nice when you try.” He doesn’t add that Wonshik looks quite good in red suits because the thought alone makes him go crazy.

“Someone’s been stalking me,” Wonshik says, smirking. He doesn’t pull away, seeming to be too tired to do so. It’s a strange position, Hongbin would much rather be laying down, but it works out enough for now. He simply shrugs to Wonshik’s question, neither denying or agreeing to the insinuation.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Hongbin says instead, quietly and Wonshik’s eyes droop at that, disappointed. But he doesn’t fight it much, standing up slowly. He turns to pull out his couch but Hongbin shakes his head, taking Wonshik’s jacket from the back of the chair.

“We should go back,” he says and Wonshik nods, easily going along. Hongbin helps him into his jacket, asking how long it’s been since Wonshik actually slept.

“Uh…” The CEO sniffs, scratching his ear lobe and making his earrings swing. “I think it’s been two days. Closer to three.” He slips his hand into Hongbin’s and opens the door, leading him out even though Hongbin was the one to suggest going home. “Your place or mine?”

Hongbin has yet to go to Wonshik’s apartment but his is closer so the decision is made. They call in an uber and once they’re inside, Wonshik leans his head on Hongbin’s shoulder and cuddles into him. 

“You’re crazy,” he mutters and Wonshik hums, tucking his face into Hongbin’s neck. It’s comfortable, like they’ve just been out drinking and Wonshik is cold enough to want to snuggle into Hongbin’s jacket.

“You like it,” Wonshik answers sleepily, his lips brushing against Hongbin’s neck and he tries to keep the smile from his face, the giddy feeling in his stomach making him want to lift Wonshik’s chin and kiss him senseless. He bites his cheek and when they pull up to Hongbin’s complex, Wonshik follows him out of the car, holding onto him still.

It’s only when Hongbin gets Wonshik settled into his bed that he pipes up again, when Hongbin is sitting on the edge of his bed, plugging in his phone as he sets an alarm for the both of them.

“I like you, Hongbin.”

“I know,” Hongbin answers, trying to ignore what that could imply. Wonshik is sleep deprived and now he’s comfortable, in Hongbin’s old clothes, in Hongbin’s bed, and Hongbin is trying to keep himself in check because he’s stupid and only just confessed to himself that yes, he has feelings for this man.

“You don’t get it.” Wonshik has his eyes closed when Hongbin looks at him, a smile on his face. Hongbin crawls under the covers and the CEO opens his eyes, looking at him with a smile that makes his heart melt. Wonshik is soft and he lays his hand in between the pillows, so Hongbin holds it with his own. It’s embarrassing, it’s so soft and romantic that it makes Hongbin want to cringe but Wonshik smiles, laughing to himself and Hongbin ducks his head to hide his cheeks.

“Why don’t I get it?” he whispers and Wonshik squeezes his hand, closing his eyes again.

“Ask me tomorrow,” Wonshik answers. “It’s… late.”

He falls asleep soon after, but Hongbin lays awake, studying Wonshik’s features in the dark. He’s beautiful, sound asleep finally but Hongbin barely sleeps, because his heart continues to betray him by not calming down. He missed all this in high school, all the stupid feelings and the pink cheeks but Wonshik’s making him feel like a teenager and he loves it and hates it at the same time, the way Wonshik’s smile makes him want to kiss him, the way his laugh makes him want to tell stupid jokes in hopes that he can hear that sound again.

Wonshik shifts in his sleep, his hand still grasped in Hongbin’s and Hongbin finally closes his eyes, hoping he can at least get some sleep. He needs to ask Wonshik what he meant and he’s getting butterflies from thinking about it. 

But God, he doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is a lot different to my normal stuff so im sort of slow in updating because i have to get used to how im writing lol but i promise you'll get something good next chapter! thank you for sticking with this through hongbin's stupid feelings


	5. Chapter 5

Wonshik wakes up slowly, always. He’s always out of it when he comes to but even more so right now because he doesn’t recognise where he is. Or who he’s lying on. Or who’s  _ apartment _ he’s in. He knows he’s lying on someone, at the very least, not just a pillow that’s super warm. He’s grateful he can recognise that but it doesn’t exactly help his foggy brain.

He shoots up a little too fast, feeling dizzy and wakes up whoever is next to him too but he realises that it’s Hongbin, and he’s talking to him, whispering quickly to calm him down. Wonshik just stares at him, registering that he’s in Hongbin’s apartment because he went home with Hongbin after being at the studio last night.

“Sorry,” he croaks at him, his eyes drooping. His voice is never clear when he wakes up. “I forgot.”

Hongbin smiles at him, lying back down. The sun isn’t up yet, Hongbin’s room yet to be lightened by the early morning nature that so desperately wants to wake them up. Wonshik lays back down next to him, moreso on Hongbin’s arm and the streamer curls his arm so Wonshik moves closer to him, laying on his chest again.

“Are you comfortable?” Hongbin asks and Wonshik feels his words against his face, through the man’s chest. 

Wonshik hums, closing his eyes again. He hopes he can sleep for a little longer, to recharge himself because he knows they both didn’t sleep until very late and Hongbin’s arms rests over his shoulders, keeping him close, keeping them both warm. Wonshik feels safe.

When they wake up again, it’s Hongbin who moves first. Wonshik tries to protest but he just laughs at him and shifts him gently, leaving him in the warm bed to go and wash up. Wonshik stays there until he wakes up completely which is a little while after Hongbin, dragging himself out of bed to find Hongbin in the kitchen.

The streamer looks at him over his shoulder, simple acknowledgement. Wonshik is glad he didn’t do that really nice thing that he usually does, which is taking his shirt off halfway through the night because he has no idea what he would do if he walked into Hongbin’s kitchen with his entire chest on full display. Both of them are clothed which makes their sleeping arrangement all the more… safer. Just innocent cuddling because that’s what friends can do.

“Good morning,” Hongbin says, bringing him a coffee and setting it down in front of him. Wonshik smiles at him sleepily, watching him sit down opposite him. They sit in a comfortable silence for a while, just waking up together and Wonshik yawns, looking around his apartment again. Hongbin stands up to open the curtains of his apartment so that there’s a little more light and Wonshik feels the warmth from the morning sun filling the room.

Hongbin pauses before he sits down again, his expression unreadable. Wonshik is about to ask him what’s bothering him when the streamer finally blurts, “What did you mean last night?”

Wonshik blinks at him over his coffee cup, his eyes wide. He doesn’t remember much of what he said last night, if anything at all, but what he does remember is waking up next to Hongbin for the first time in the night, their hands still grasped together. Now, he’s really worried he may have said something that led to them holding hands, something that indicated his not so friendly feelings.

“What was the question?” Wonshik asks sheepishly, setting down his cup, trying for a smile. “Sorry.” Hongbin tried his best to make them something for breakfast but it didn’t work out that well. The coffee is good, at the very least and that’s all he’s trying to focus on right now.

Hongbin has his glasses on and he pushes them up on his face, clearly nervous. Wonshik thinks he looks cute but quickly thinks better of telling him that. “You said… You said you like me. And when I said I know that, you said I- That I didn’t ‘get it’.”

_ Fuck, I really said something that bad, didn’t I? _ Wonshik has had a lot of crushes on his friends. They usually drop off once he gets to know them properly or when he figures out that yes, they are straight. Or that they probably will not ever like him back. He’s okay with being friends; his crushes usually stem from admiration and just general adoration for the person. Sometimes he chalks it down to just being really into being friends with the person. It doesn’t matter that much but he thought his crush on Hongbin would disappear like everything else but it hasn’t yet and he probably stupidly told Hongbin something about it when he was on the verge of passing out.

Hongbin isn’t stupid. He can be a little dense, but he’s not  _ dumb _ and that’s a factor that made Wonshik like him even more. He’s goofy, with his interests and his smile. He just doesn’t care about what people think and Wonshik finds that amazing, that he’s just living his life for  _ himself _ . 

Wonshik laughs at himself suddenly, blowing out his cheeks. Hongbin isn’t stupid. He can figure it out on his own but there’s not much of a point in hiding it. He doesn’t think Hongbin would be a jerk to him about this, anyway.  _ Here goes nothing, I guess. _

“When I meet someone, I can’t help but get a little crush,” he admits, looking down into his cup. “That’s what happened with you, as well.”

“You have a crush on me?” Hongbin breathes, his eyes wide. He’s completely still, serious, and Wonshik nods, managing a smile for him.

“I thought it would go away, but it hasn’t.” Wonshik swallows, picking at the paint on his mug for a moment before he shrugs. “Sorry, if that makes you comfortable. I’ll get over it soon, probably.”

Hongbin stares at him, his eyes wide and unblinking. His legs starts to shake and Wonshik notices it, trying to mask his own nerves, too. Wonshik laughs nervously, a little offended. “Jesus, sorry,” he says, making Hongbin look back up at him. “I didn’t think it’d be that bad-”

“No, it’s not that!” Hongbin says, looking at him, right in the eye. “It’s… I don’t want that. For you to get over it. I don’t know.” He puts his head in his hands and Wonshik feels like he should too but he moves across the table, sitting next to Hongbin. He tries to pry his hands away from his face but Hongbin whines, resisting against his grasp.

“I’m not doing this if you can’t look me in the eye,” Wonshik muses, moving in closer to Hongbin but the streamer moves his hands just to shove Wonshik’s face away.

“I don’t want to look at you,” Hongbin breathes, his face flushed pink. “God, fuck. You’re embarrassing.”

“You’re cute,” Wonshik whispers, drawing away from him but Hongbin scowls and grabs his hand, holding it rather forcibly. He scowls at Wonshik out of embarrassment who just grins at him, stupidly and Hongbin looks away, holding Wonshik’s hand over the table.

“So… Don’t get over your feelings.”

“Are you confused?” Wonshik presses, leaning back in his chair to give Hongbin some room to breathe. He doesn’t look back at him for a while but he does nod a little, but his grasp doesn’t falter on Wonshik’s hand.

It takes a while before Hongbin confesses, “I’ve never… I’ve never had feelings for someone.” He eventually looks at Wonshik, pushing up his glasses again but decides to take them off so he can rub his face freely. “But, I think I like you and I want to… I don’t know, actually. I was sort of hoping I would die before telling you this.”

Wonshik snorts, shaking his head in disbelief. “It’s not that big of a deal!” he says, squeezing Hongbin’s hand in return and his stomach is full of butterflies. Should he kiss him or should he wait? He wants Hongbin to be sure, to be sure of what he wants to do but he wants to hold him, at least once.

“How about we… we go slow,” Wonshik offers, leaving it open for Hongbin to object. “We’ll just see what happens.”

“I trust you,” Hongbin tells him, smiling at him and he lets Wonshik press their foreheads together, at the very least. “I’m- It’ll suck, like really bad. I’ve never done any of this before.”

“Okay,” Wonshik chuckles, trying to catch his gaze but the streamer is swiftly avoiding it. “Then, let’s just go like we’ve been going. When it happens, then it happens.”

Hongbin nods and ends up laughing, turning his face away quickly and Wonshik chuckles at him, leaning back in his chair to give him some space yet again. He offers his hand and Hongbin takes it, his only hesitation coming from embarrassment, giving Wonshik the opportunity to marvel at how small his hands are and coo at him. He’s done that before but it gives the familiarity back to the atmosphere they’re created around each other. This is okay, this is familiar and comfortable.

“I have to go back to work,” Wonshik tells him later on, when they’re in the kitchen cleaning up from breakfast. It wasn’t much of a breakfast but it was enough to get them going at least for a little while. “I’ll see you soon, then?”

Hongbin nods and decides what he can do is hug Wonshik. It’s nothing new, but it is nice to know that this isn’t shocking, that the news from before isn’t upsetting and doesn’t cause a rift between them that Wonshik was fearful of.

Wonshik acts a little on impulse and kisses Hongbin’s cheek, because he’s done that before with people and it doesn’t have to be strict to anything. Hongbin scoffs at him but the smile he gives when he pulls back is a little flustered but sweet, enough to make Wonshik want to kiss him properly until they both can’t breathe but he’ll wait to do that. He’ll give Hongbin the time that he needs before he pushes anything.

“I’ll message you,” Hongbin whispers, his arms still around Wonshik’s neck. Wonshik’s own hands rest on his hips, keeping him close, in their own little bubble. “Don’t bail on me.”

“I seriously doubt I could,” Wonshik says, hugging him again quickly and letting go. He needs to stop at his apartment to get changed and probably to shower too, but Hongbin is the only thing on his mind right now, which isn’t too far from his usual brain schedule.

“See you soon, then,” he says as he opens the door and Hongbin raises his eyebrows at him, smiling and giving a little wave that just makes Wonshik want to hold his hand. But he refrains and keeps it to himself, waving back and closing the door behind him. He stands alone in the hallway of Hongbin’s apartment building, his shoes in his hands because he had yet to put them on and as he’s stuffing his feet into his sneakers, he counts himself a lucky man.

It’s way too soon for anything serious but at the very least, he feels like Hongbin has given him access to something he normally wouldn’t give people. And Wonshik feels damn lucky to be included in that, lucky that Hongbin trusts him with this. And he feels cheesy and a little in love even though it’s way too soon for any of that, but that’s okay. They’re comfortable and that’s all he can ask for right now. That’s all he  _ wants _ right now.

He leaves Hongbin a message before he turns off his phone to go to work, telling him he’ll see him again soon and wishing him good luck with his day. He leaves a heart before he finally turns it off and places it face down on his table, ready to write as he smiles to himself, already feeling the music coursing through his blood like it always does.

  
  


***

“You're different again.”

“Hyung, I will personally deliver my fist to your crotch if you don't shut up.”

Taekwoon, admittedly, makes an awkward sound and shifts in the booth, eyeing Wonshik as if he's going to rip open the door and actually do it. To be fair, he just fucking might if Taekwoon doesn't stop talking about his aura or whatever bisexual energy Wonshik seems to have. They need to record, need to get this done and Wonshik is over the distractions Taekwoon is pulling out of his ass.

“Answer me honestly,” Taekwoon asks, defiant. He really does look like a cat when he lifts his chin and squints at Wonshik through the glass, his lips all pouty.

Wonshik rubs his face, exasperated. “Yeah, I met someone. Now shut up and sing.” He lifts Taekwoon phone up, unlocking it and raising his eyebrows. “Before I sent Hakyeon-hyung a very not so innocent text.”

“Jokes on you, I do that every day,” Taekwoon shrugs but he fixes his headphones and does what he's told for the first time that day. It’s not often that Taekwoon actually listens to him so Wonshik takes any chance he can get when he’s not being difficult to make use of it.

It’s not the end of their conversation though, as Taekwoon interrogates him over dinner later, their caps pulled down over their eyes and their bowls full. “Who are they?” he asks carefully, precise with his wording and Wonshik swallows before sniffing.

“The guy I told you about a few weeks ago.”

“He said yes?”

“Not… exactly?”

“Wonshik-”

“It wasn't no, it was a  _ let’s take this slowly, _ ” Wonshik interrupts before Taekwoon can pull out his protective streak. “It only happened this morning, so relax. We have feelings for each other but there's still things we don't know about each other. He has his struggles and I’ve got my own. So we’re taking it one day at a time.”

Taekwoon purses his lips, blinking. “So, not exclusive but definitely not open?”

Wonshik barks a bitter laugh, shaking his head. He picks at the noodles in his bowl and sighs. “Yeah, something like that. I don't really know what I’d do if he had someone else.”

Taekwoon licks his lips and sets down his chopsticks. He's critical by nature, always has and always will be and he's  _ protective _ . Him being skeptical of this arrangement isn't out of the ordinary. He sits in thought for a while, his eyes cast to the side before he licks his lips and gives Wonshik a nod.

“I expected a lot worse,” Wonshik says honestly but he's grateful for the trust Taekwoon has in him. They know each other better than anyone, know the little things that make them hurt or smile. But Taekwoon isn't done. “You remember what happened when you were younger.”

“He's nothing like that,” Wonshik defends quickly, a little irritated. 

Taekwoon is only trying to be careful and he knows that. “Wonshik, you know what I mean.”

He nods, sighing. He really means it though. Hongbin is nothing like his past relationships, even in friendship. He does nothing to get things out of Wonshik and he doesn't pressure him into things he doesn't want to do. He has his own insecurities and he respects Wonshik’s instead of putting him down to inflate his own ego which, sadly, has happened in a few of Wonshik’s friendships.

“Hongbin isn't like that,” he repeats and Taekwoon believes him despite never having met him. He picks up his chopsticks again and steals some of his food, returning to easy atmosphere between. Wonshik really can't thank Taekwoon enough for being himself when things are strange for all of them. 

“I'll keep you updated,” Wonshik offers and Taekwoon smiles at him around cheekfuls of food.

  
  


***

They decide to do a game of firsts. Even though they’ve been friends for a while now and tell each other random things on top of detailing what they did that day or ate for lunch, there’s still more than need to learn about each other on a different scale, now that they’re aware of their feelings.

Hongbin sits with his legs over Wonshik’s lap and Wonshik’s arm thrown over the back of the couch. It’s getting late but neither of them want to sleep, having slept almost all day because it’s Wonshik’s day off and Hongbin isn’t on schedule to stream until tomorrow.

“First date?” Wonshik asks, tapping a random rhythm on the back cushions of the couch, tilting his head at Hongbin.

“Eighth grade,” he answers, snorting. “She asked me out and I said yes and we saw a movie. One of my friends stalked me from the back of the cinema so he could laugh about it later but nothing happened. Movie was good but nothing came of it. She was nice, but really timid.” He meets Wonshik’s eyes and can’t help but smile. “Yours?”

“Tenth grade, actually.” He smiles longingly just thinking about it. “She was my first girlfriend, too. We dated on and off. She was in the year above me so she graduated before me and we broke up halfway through my final year.” He takes a breath, thinking to himself. “Weird. I wonder what she’s doing now.”

“Wonder how she feels knowing little Kim Wonshik that she dumped in high school is a famous rapper now,” Hongbin muses, earning a slap on the leg from that. “Do you ever think about that? Like, if you weren’t famous, what would you be doing?”

That seems to be a loaded question for Wonshik. His droopy eyes immediately grow tired and he exhales, seemingly at a loss for words. “It’s weird to think about. I wanted to be a bodyguard when I was younger to protect my little sister. I didn’t really think I’d end up here when I was a kid.”

Hongbin snorts at that, trying to mask it with a cough but it doesn’t get him very far. Wonshik laughs with him though, telling him that he’s really protective of his younger sister, even now. It’s sweet, almost, and he likes to talk about her a lot, bragging about her achievements more akin to a parent than simply an older brother.

“First pet,” Wonshik asks this time and Hongbin finds himself smiling as he remembers the past.

“A dog. He was old, though, and died when I was young. I loved him a lot.” He scratches his neck before meeting Wonshik’s eyes. “I actually wanted to be a vet because of him.”

“But I get made fun of for wanting to protect my sister,” Wonshik deadpans, shaking his head. It’s all in good fun. “That’s sweet, though. Your turn.”

“First time getting drunk?” is his reply and Wonshik starts to laugh suddenly, resting his hand on Hongbin’s shin comfortably. He makes a pattern and tries to keep it as he traces it into Hongbin’s leg.

“I was seventeen,” he muses, looking at the cushions. “It was my best friend’s birthday. Typical parents weren’t home situation. I got trashed and fell asleep, woke up to his parents yelling that we all needed to leave and I caught the bus home hungover as all hell.” 

“That’s definitely a story to tell your little sister.”

“She will never find out about that and neither will my parents, so shut your mouth.”

Hongbin mimics him like a child, easy jokes passing between them and they lapse into a comfortable silence before Wonshik asks, “First kiss?” and Hongbin tells him he hasn’t had his yet.

“Well, not a proper kiss,” he elaborates when Wonshik almost faints from the sheer amount of betrayal in those words.  _ How could someone have not kissed you yet? _ he breathes and Hongbin laughs in his face. “I’ve kissed people before but nothing serious. If you mean just first kiss ever then it was when I was eleven. I kissed a girl at a birthday party.”

“It’s honestly offensive that no one has kissed you before,” Wonshik says, his tone coming off as completely shocked. “Properly.” 

Hongbin’s heart speeds up a little and he looks away for a moment, his cheeks heating up but he turns back to Wonshik, seeing him picking at a thread on the couch and knows that if he doesn’t say it now, he’ll psych himself out and won’t bring this up for another few weeks, at most.

“Then kiss me,” he says and Wonshik moves way too quickly for someone who totally wasn’t thinking about it. Hongbin laughs at him as he’s crowding in, right in his face and Wonshik smiles back at him, giddy and excited even though it’s really nothing to be excited about. At least, Hongbin doesn’t think it is but he’s not afraid right now, especially not when Wonshik looks at him like  _ that _ . It makes him nervous but not in a bad way.

“Are you sure?” Wonshik asks softly, and Hongbin knows that if he said no, Wonshik would be off him in seconds and wouldn’t be offended by his hesitation. That alone is pleasing and gives him enough trust to nod because this is what you do when you go slow. It’s unfamiliar to them both but they’re doing it together so it’s not as scary as Hongbin may have thought it would be.

“I’m sure,” Hongbin whispers and Wonshik gives him a small smile before he finally kisses him, softly and sweetly. It’s nothing too ground shattering but it’s just  _ Wonshik _ and that’s enough to make Hongbin smile into it, to curl his hands into Wonshik’s long hair and hold him, knowing that if it was someone else, he wouldn’t be this excited to just  _ kiss _ them.

Wonshik pulls away a little too soon for Hongbin’s liking so he stares at him, unimpressed and the rapper laughs at him, shifting just to rest his forehead against Hongbin’s. He seems to really like doing that. “That was okay?” he asks and Hongbin nods, wanting to do it again but Wonshik won’t take that for an answer.

“Yes, now do it again,” Hongbin demands, looking into Wonshik’s eyes in case he thinks there might be doubt. But he doesn’t find any, just like Hongbin knew he wouldn’t and kisses him like he asked. 

It’s nothing more than simple kissing, bordering on making out but nothing that crosses any lines. Wonshik is a good kisser and he lets Hongbin know that but he’s a fast learner and Wonshik is definitely surprised when Hongbin’s fingers tangle in his long hair and pull him closer when he shifts to get more comfortable, seemingly on instinct.

“This is nice,” Wonshik manages, his lips pressed against Hongbin’s as he tries to talk. “But I cannot feel my arm anymore.”

Hongbin lets him sit up and Wonshik takes him with him as he doesn’t let his hands leave Wonshik’s hair. He does let him go just to touch his neck, his chest and eventually keeps his hands in his lap and he laughs at Wonshik’s appearance. His hair is messy and his lips are definitely redder than they were before but Hongbin is sure he doesn’t look any better.

“Good?” Wonshik asks, taking Hongbin’s hand in both of his, holding it close.

Hongbin squeezes his hand, smiling at him. “Yeah. It was good. You’re good.”

Wonshik huffs a laugh, looking down at their hands. “You’re good, too. My arm hurts though.”

Hongbin rolls his eyes and shoves him with his foot, hoping to shut him up but he ends up thinking better and sits up completely so he can kiss Wonshik like he’s been wanting to for months. And Wonshik is most definitely happy with the results but it’s hard to kiss him properly and deeply like Hongbin wants when he won’t stop fucking smiling.

***

“Okay, as much as I would like to do that, we need to do this.”

Wonshik very dramatically falls to the floor and groans loud enough for Hongbin to rolls his eyes and sigh, sitting back on his feet as he looks at the instructions. Wonshik does sit up once he realises he’s not going to get the attention he wants and circles his arms around Hongbin’s waist, hooking his chin over his shoulder.

Wonshik promised they’d set up his microphone together and a month later, they finally have the time to do it. Hongbin opted to do this instead of watching whatever is on Netflix right now or going out on a date like Wonshik suggested because he wants to get it done now so he’s prepared for the rest of the week for streaming. He has to run tests to see if it works too and since Wonshik is staying over, they’ll most likely get to sound proofing some of his room tonight. That’s if they can stay awake long enough but that doesn’t seem to be a feat for either of them, a silent challenge passing between them when they talk of the plans for tonight.

“Did you always want to do this?” Wonshik asks after a while, lounging on the floor again with bubble wrap in his hands. His fingers create a rhythm with the pops and Hongbin closes his eyes for a moment to the sound, to the comfort that Wonshik is here with him in the moment.

“No,” he answers, softly. “I never thought to. I watched a lot of gameplay on Youtube and when streaming suddenly got big, I decided to try it out. I got lucky and people liked me enough to stick around.” Wonshik shifts again, to resume the position that they were in before, so he can read things he’s already read but Hongbin knows it’s just a tactic for him to be closer.

“You never wanted to be a professional gamer when you grew up?” Wonshik whines, right in his ear and Hongbin tries to stand up, to get away from him but Wonshik is quite strong and keeps him down, settling with his legs on either side of Hongbin, essentially positioning him in his lap.

Wonshik starts to hum a song that Hongbin doesn’t recognise but there’s a lot of songs he doesn’t recognise, so he lets Wonshik do what he wants as he fiddles with little bolts to secure the stand of his microphone together, relaxing into Wonshik’s hold for the time being. Wonshik manages some words in whatever song he’s humming and places a small kiss on Hongbin’s shoulder, choosing to hum there next.

“Am I an instrument?” Hongbin asks absentmindedly, trying for teasing but his tone falls short by how concentrated he is.

“You could be,” Wonshik answers, his words smearing into Hongbin’s shoulder. “Do you want to be?”

“This conversation is a scandal waiting to happen.”

“Yeah, me being gay isn’t a new one, though.”

“Wait, really?”

Hongbin turns to Wonshik, pulling away from him to look him in the eye and Wonshik shrugs nonchalantly. “People will make up anything these days. It’s not like they’re exactly  _ wrong _ . But when you get along with people, someone takes the chance to spread a rumor like wildfire and try and ruin it.” He meets Hongbin’s shocked eyes and laughs bitterly. “Why do you think guys are never close with women in the industry? Dating scandals come from that if people aren’t careful because people don’t know how to keep their mouths shut.”

“That’s… shitty,” Hongbin manages awkwardly. He really has nothing else to say but he knows Wonshik doesn’t care about those things, that he’s friends with whoever he wants to be friends with, especially more so now since he has his own company.

“You get used to it,” Wonshik offers, laying down on the floor. “It’s fine. I don’t really like to think about it. After seven years, you learn to take things in stride.

“Yeah, but it might hurt more when it’s…” Hongbin swallows, choosing his words carefully. “Half true? Even if it’s not you, that stuff can be damaging.”

“I got over being ashamed of my sexuality a long time ago,” Wonshik tells him, peaking one eye open. He smiles, turning on his side to look at Hongbin completely. “Seriously. It’s just media.”

Hongbin supposes that’s fair enough. There’s not much point in addressing something like that if Wonshik has lived through it, whether it’s personal or not. He decides to abandon his microphone for now and stands up, ready to order something. He asks Wonshik what he wants, because the microphone is mostly done, and they should eat before they start soundproofing his room.

Wonshik wants burgers, surprisingly, but it’s no issue. They order it together, deciding what they want and Wonshik insists that he can pay but Hongbin beats him there. Apparently kissing Wonshik without warning gets him to shut up nicely so Hongbin is back to his phone, willing his cheeks not to heat up while Wonshik mumbles and complains into the carpet, defeated.

“Come on,” Hongbin says when his intercom buzzes and Wonshik stands up, the deal between being that Hongbin would pay and Wonshik would collect it. When he comes back, Hongbin thanks him softly, taking his meal from the bag and the smell of it is enough to make all his senses go wild. He didn’t realise how hungry he was until now.

Wonshik stays on the floor, against the door frame of Hongbin’s room and Hongbin sits with him too, not wanting to dirty his bed accidentally. He thinks he might paint his room sometime too but if he sound proofs it tonight, that idea is going to have to wait a while. 

Wonshik puts himself into a food coma way too quickly, leaving himself to suffer on the ground while Hongbin dutifully cleans up their mess and keeps it out of the way. Judging by this meal, Wonshik will be hungry again in a few hours time and Hongbin has to be glad delivery companies still provide service to his area no matter the time. 

Hongbin moves his microphone in while Wonshik is close to falling asleep on the floor and fiddles with the controls on his computer to connect it accordingly, humming every so often to check the sensitivity of the audio.

“Universe,” Wonshik says to moments later, making Hongbin frown and turn to check if he’s mumbling nonsense in his sleep. But the rapper is wide awake and staring at him with tired eyes that somehow hold the bad lighting of Hongbin’s room. “That was the song I was humming before.”

“Do I know it?” Hongbin asks, his voice making the microphone settings spike with reading. 

“You will.” Wonshik looks away, humming the tune again as he stands up, taking the foam from Hongbin’s bed to play with it while he finishes up at his computer. 

When Hongbin stands up, he smiles at Wonshik. “New song, then.” It’s not a question; Wonshik never stops working. To think he took a break for tonight is absurd.

Wonshik nods absentmindedly tilting his face and Hongbin runs his fingers across his cheek for a moment before taking the rest of the foam in his hands. They’ll have to shift some of the things on his wall but his posters aren't hard to shift and he hasn't put all of them up yet, anyways. It feels like he still hasn't completely moved in despite it being a few months since he's been spending his nights here.

“Put something on,” he tells Wonshik, knowing his face lights up at that. 

“Any requests?”

“No Ravi,” Hongbin muses, throwing a smug look over his shoulder. “Put on some music that Ravi likes.”

Wonshik unlocks his phone and thinks for a moment before he flicks something on and Hongbin distantly recognises the voice but isn't sure how. It takes a while before he makes a sound of realisation and looks at Wonshik next to him whose busying his hands with adhering the sound proofing to the wall.

“Leo?” he asks and Wonshik nods, smiling softly.

“His album, Canvas, will be a year old in July.” 

It’s  _ Free Tempo _ that Wonshik plays because he likes the vibe of it and Hongbin can't blame him. He gets the rapper talking about his hyung, about how they met and what it’s like to work together. Wonshik is sweet in how he talks about his friends, about his family. It’s not hard to see the bond he has with Taekwoon, just from how he speaks.

“You have a brother,” Wonshik prompts later, not a question. “Are you close with him?”

“As close as we can be,” Hongbin answers, pressing the foam to the wall rather forcefully. “He’s only ten months younger than me.”

“Damn,” Wonshik chuckles, a little surprised. “It’s three years between Jiwon and I. Does that factor make it easier?”

“To be close?” Hongbin takes a breath, never having thought about it like that. “I don't feel like it does. He's just my little brother. It doesn't matter the age difference, I guess.”

Wonshik can properly sense that Hongbin isn't telling him everything but he doesn't pry, at least sensing that much, that this subject isn't the best thing to talk about right now. They're still learning about each other and Hongbin will tell him soon enough, but not right now. It’s a lot more complicated than just saying  _ I’m not that close with my family _ . It would be enough for Wonshik, he knows, but Hongbin thinks he deserves the full story, later on.

Hongbin sits down when the air between them becomes a little awkward but clearly not enough for Wonshik not to sit with him and tuck his hair behind his ear, just to get his attention. Hongbin looks at him, question in his eyes but Wonshik smiles in reply, sweet and kind.

“There's a joke that my friend made in the dressing room once,” Wonshik says, his eyes on Hongbin. He draws his hand away but never his presence, their legs touching shyly. “It keeps coming back to me even though it’s not really that funny. I was on call with my sister and she was showing me my dog because it was his birthday.”

“You celebrate your dog’s birthday,” Hongbin deadpans and Wonshik scoffs as him.

“Yeah?” Wonshik questions like Hongbin shouldn't be confused. “He's my dog. Why wouldn't I?”

“Continue,” Hongbin prompts, shaking his head with a smile.

Wonshik takes Hongbin’s hand with a small smile. “He said that I was too  _ Kim Wonshik _ at the time. I had yet to become Ravi, I guess. It was stupid but he wasn't wrong. I don't really know what I’m trying to get at, but I guess I’m glad you know this version of me.”

“Okay, sappy.” Hongbin grins at Wonshik’s sudden laugh. “Did you think I only spoke to you because you're Ravi? He's cute but he’s not  _ you. _ ”

“And who is me?”

“The one that shits himself whenever there's a bug around.”

Wonshik forces a smile and squeezes Hongbin’s hand,  _ hard _ and he yelps when it gets worse, snatching his hand away. Wonshik raises his eyebrows at his scowl, a smirk on his face.

“And Lee Hongbin has tiny hands,” he retorts, challenging.

“Well, Kim Wonshik can't cook.”

“Neither can you!”

Hongbin makes an awkward face, shrugging comically. “Yeah, but I don't try on national television and make stupid faces when my food tastes like shit.”

Wonshin groans, flopping back on the bed, in the bed of foam. “I can't believe you watched that.”

“At least I’ll know that if you ever plan to kill me, it will be from your cooking.” He grins at Wonshik’s sigh and lies down next to him, on his side so he can look at him. “I’m kidding. I’m sure your food doesn't taste that bad.”

“It does,” he whines, closing his eyes.

Hongbin pats Wonshik’s chest, smiling. “I know. I was trying to be nice.”

“It didn't  _ work _ ,” Wonshik groans, scowling. Hongbin laughs at him and sits up, getting back to work before the hours slowly bleed into morning and they're too tired to continue.

Wonshik follows him up, his eyes drooping even as he stands and Hongbin decides to pity him and tells him to go to sleep. “But then you're still awake,” he says and Hongbin almost coos at him before he decides to cringe a little.

“I won't be long,” Hongbin offers and that seems good enough for Wonshik who just flops down on the bed and is out in seconds. Hongbin does follow suit in a few minutes, the mood becoming boring without Wonshik conscious and making him laugh.

As soon as he's in bed, Wonshik throws an arm over his waist and cuddles up into him, keeping him warm and keeping him right where he wants him. Hongbin struggles for a moment but pulls his arm out and wraps it around Wonshik’s shoulder, making them more comfortable.

“Goodnight,” Hongbin whispers and gets a hum in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :))


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a little bit of turmoil with hongbin coming to terms with some things in this chapter but there's nothing bad. just a little bit of angst that ends happy so no worries but just a warning in case!

_ Let’s meet up for dinner. _

Hongbin stares at his phone for a few moments and stares a little longer, his thought escaping him completely. He blinks, trying to focus his eyes but he has no excuse because his glasses are high on his nose and he should be able to process this message. But he can’t.

Wonshik is talking to him absentmindedly. They were originally walking around town, just exploring because Wonshik felt like shopping and Hongbin felt like getting out of the house for once in a while. But the last thing he expected was a text from his little brother on this day, while walking about with his… partner? Whatever.

It’s weird sometimes between he and Sanghyuk. They talk when they want to and they rarely meet up unless something serious has happened which can be sad but it works for both of them. But Sanghyuk usually warns him over text or calls him to tell him the blow before meeting with him, but he hasn’t done that. So why does he want to meet up?

Now that he reads the text again, he realises he hasn't seen Sanghyuk in a very long time. It’s closer to a year than it is to six months and Hongbin curses himself for that. He doesn't think he's a bad brother, not actually but right now, he sure feels like a shitty one.

_ Why? _ he responds and Wonshik realises that he's not walking next to him anymore, pausing and waiting for Hongbin to look up at him, waiting for whenever he's ready.

Hongbin pockets his phone soon after and looks at Wonshik, taking his hand just to squeeze it once and drop it afterwards because they're in public. It’s not hard to recognise Wonshik, especially when he did a poor job of hiding his face, only wearing his glasses and a mask pulled underneath his lip just to hide his stubble. Hongbin is no better, a cap and his own wire frames because he thought better of wearing his contacts today.

“What is it?” Hongbin asks when Wonshik is still looking at him strangely. “I’m fine, dude.” 

“ _ Dude, _ ” Wonshik echoes, finally smiling to himself. Hongbin smacks his arm, not hard at all. He brushes against his hand just for a moment, deliberate and Wonshik nods, his strange mood dissipating.

Things return to normal for a little while until his phone vibrates again and Wonshik is at another clothing rack, searching through them for something his stylists might be drawn to. He said he needed to get a jacket for his sister since her birthday is coming up soon and she can't keep wearing his old clothes from when he was twenty and stuck wearing sweatpants and bleach stained band t-shirts.

“You really were goth, huh,” Hongbin tells him before he checks his phone, missing the way Wonshik eyes him.

_ Because I want to see you? _ is Sanghyuk’s reply and Wonshik chooses that moment to sneak up next to him. Hongbin isn't able to close the text quick enough because Wonshik looks at him with a frown, obviously confused.

“Who was that?” he asks and Hongbin lies and says it was Gongchan, that he wants to see him for dinner because Gongchan is moving soon and wants to meet up because it might be hard later on for them to see each other. It’s a stretch but Hongbin can’t bring himself not to lie, as sad as that is.

Wonshik doesn't look convinced but he shrugs, letting Hongbin breathe a little easier. He doesn't want to lie to him, especially since their relationship is so fresh but telling Wonshik that his brother wants to see him who he's only ever mentioned in passing isn't something he really wants to evaluate right now.

“What does she like exactly?” Hongbin ends up asking Wonshik, to keep his mind off the fact that he left Sanghyuk on read. He isn't sure if he wants to throw up or punch something so he’ll take distracting himself for now.

Wonshik purses his lips, thinking. He hesitates for a moment and Hongbin thinks he might bring it up again, might derail the subject change but he doesn’t. “Simple colours, I would say. Since it’s a jacket, I don't want it to be too over the top. Oh, and she likes pins and patches so something embroidered or a jean jacket, maybe.”

Hongbin nods and decides to search the denim, feeling the insides of the sleeves if they have some kind of cotton lining them or fake fur. He finds a few pieces that makes Wonshik draw closer to his section and search with him, weighing their options. 

He's putting a lot of thought into this and Hongbin finds himself smiling at that. “You're sweet,” he says and Wonshik raises his eyebrows quickly, silent agreement. It’s a subtle brag but Hongbin thinks it’s a good one.

Wonshik buys the jacket Hongbin picked, a washed out blue jean jacket with a rose on the collar and a fluffy inside that's nice to the touch. It wasn’t hard to convince Wonshik even if Hongbin’s fashion sense is nothing like mister CEO so he’s glad that task is out of the way with minimal arguing. 

They catch the bus home, deciding to be a little adventurous but that ends up getting them lost. Neither of them mind, though. It’s been years since they’ve had to catch public transport but that in itself is an adventure, even if they end up in a random suburb that neither of them know.

“Favourite… game?” Wonshik asks him as they walk down an empty neighbourhood. They decided to do a form of twenty questions only there's no limit of questions and they’ll stop when they get bored.

Hongbin’s eyes blow wide and he makes an awkward sound. “Uh…” He takes a moment, finding a lot of difficulty in answering and Wonshik smirks at him. That's like asking you what your favourite song is!”

Wonshik tilts his head in mock thought, supposing that's true. “Okay, then what was your favourite game as a kid?”

“Pokemon,” Hongbin answers easily, satisfied with his answer. Wonshik nods as if he can relate and Hongbin wastes no time in talking about his favourites to play since there's more than one  _ obviously _ and Wonshik smiles as he listens, eyes on him. Hongbin only notices them when he looks up from trying to find an old photo of himself in his phone from when he was a kid and grows silent, suddenly self conscious.

“What is it?” Wonshik whispers when Hongbin stops. There's enough privacy for him to slip his hand into his and squeeze it, leaving it there. 

“You stare a lot,” he mumbles, fiddling with his phone but his hand stays in his. “Caught me off guard.”

“I’d kiss you if we weren't in public,” Wonshik offers, as if that's any better. “You really are easily embarrassed, aren't you?”

Hongbin scoffs and shoves him. “Not about a lot of things so shut up.”

Wonshik does listen, dropping into silence and he checks where exactly they are, surprised that they're going the right way. There's a bus stop ahead that will get them close to Wonshik’s apartment complex so they decide to wait, the sun beginning to set as they do.

It’s not a long wait and the bus is mostly empty, which Wonshik takes as an opportunity to lean his head on Hongbin’s shoulder when they sit down, taking his hand again.

“Do you mind this?” he whispers and Hongbin squeezes his hand in return, a smile on his face. 

His phone goes off again, in his pocket and against Wonshik’s leg but they both ignore it. Wonshik doesn't ask who it is and Hongbin doesn't move to answer it. He looks out the window and knows Wonshik has glanced up at him but he simply takes a breath and relaxes. Wonshik does too, settling himself more comfortably into Hongbin’s shoulder, like they’ve always been this comfortable with each other.

It’s silent for a while, the sun setting as they’re driven around the peaceful neighbourhoods. Wonshik closes his eyes and Hongbin relaxes his shoulders to make him more comfortable, gazing out the window. It’s simple, almost like a picture perfect movie scene and Hongbin should be cringing, should be screwing his face up and yelling at the television but he basks in the moment, in the close proximity Wonshik has to him, and smiles softly to himself.

Wonshik isn’t asleep and he only sits up to pull the string of the bus to make it stop once they’re near their destination. “You're streaming tomorrow,” he says when they step off the bus, their hands warm from each other but quickly growing cold when the night air quickly approaches. “I'll come over when you're not.”

Hongbin glances at him, nodding. “Okay. Don't copyright me for playing your music.”

“Yeah, I'll sue you for all you’re worth,” he replies, whispering it in Hongbin’s ear to make him cuss him out. He smiles when Hongbin glares at him and that's enough to make Hongbin relax again, unable to stay mad at him. And Hongbin can hold a grudge, believe him when he says that, but Wonshik isn’t someone he thinks he could ever stay mad at.

“You've never been over to my apartment,” Wonshik states when they get to his door. Hongbin stares at him, about to correct him because surely he has but Wonshik is right.

“I’ve been to the studio,” he says and Wonshik simply says  _ ah _ and unlocks the door, nothing more to say. 

Hongbin’s phone goes off again and he finally pulls it out, seeing the messages from Sanghyuk. He scans them before he turns off his phone and leaves it on the countertop without any comment or second thoughts. Wonshik has disappeared but he's back in seconds and Hongbin’s eyes go wide at what is trailing behind him. That sound is so familiar and yet-

“My dog,” Wonshik says and Hongbin is already on the floor to coax him closer, greeting the dog and petting him. His name is Butt and after Hongbin is done laughing about that, he asks Wonshik to sit with him, Butt laying on his legs already and Wonshik kisses him quickly, finally able to now that they're not in public. 

It’s nice, a little domestic but it’s sweet and maybe that’s just because Hongbin associates sweet with Wonshik. He finds a weird sense of home in Wonshik and he loves it, all of its own uniqueness wrapped up into his being. Everything about Wonshik makes Hongbin feel good, makes him comfortable. He loves his energy and admittedly, fell for how easy and laidback he is. He's hardworking which is easy to admire and Hongbin thinks all of this while staring at his profile as he pets his dog, a small smile on his lips and Hongbin doesn't think, just makes Wonshik look at him with his hand under his chin and kisses him again.

They smile at each other, Wonshik surprised while Hongbin is simply pleased. Butt stands up after a while, having used Hongbin’s legs as a bed for long enough and wanders to wherever he wants to go. Wonshik helps Hongbin up, threading their fingers together quickly before pulling away and smiling at him. 

A movie is put on, Wonshik makes himself a coffee and Butt resumes his Hongbin’s love by sitting next to him on the couch. Wonshik protests pathetically when he sits down and ends up with his lap full of Butt and that seems to please him enough. Hongbin lies down on the couch, comfortable and he closes his eyes, not realising that he would fall asleep so easily.

He wakes up from his dreamless nap to Wonshik’s hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly. Hongbin struggles awake, blinking at him and sits up with his help, groggy and out of mind. But Wonshik is patient and pats his hair, making him shiver. 

“Let's go to bed,” he whispers and Hongbin nods, letting himself be pulled up and taken to the bedroom. Hongbin is face down in the pillow as soon as Wonshik lets go of him but when Wonshik doesn't follow, he turns his head sharply to him, confused.

“I don't sleep in shirts,” Wonshik tells him simply when Hongbin scowls at him. 

“Then don't wear a shirt,” he mutters into the pillow, closing his eyes again. “It’s not like I haven't seen your chest before. It’s the first thing that comes up on your google search.”

Wonshik laughs, startled but his hesitation is gone. It’s obvious he's worried about making Hongbin uncomfortable but it doesn't really matter. Hongbin is already half asleep and if it was his apartment, he wouldn't be sleeping in pants right now. To each their own; Wonshik shouldn't have to wear a shirt to bed for someone he’s sort of somewhat dating.

That statement in his brain wakes him up and he sits up, closer to Wonshik who looks at him with raised eyebrows. “How did you know you liked me?” he asks and Wonshik blinks at him, surprised.

“Where did that come from?” is his answer and Hongbin grunts, shrugging. But Wonshik stifles a yawn and shrugs. “Honestly? I thought I was just really into being friends with you. I thought it would stop but it didn't. Your humor makes me laugh and I like your hobbies too. You get me, I guess, so I was attracted to that. I don't like complicated things.”

“That's what made me like you, too,” Hongbin says, smiling softly. “You're easy-going. Nothing is difficult with you. And I didn't have to force a conversation but you never annoyed me with your random messages.”

“Oh, good,” Wonshik laughs, closing his eyes as Hongbin settles next to him and cuddles into him when Wonshik complains. “I thought I would annoy you, eventually.”

“Well, yeah.” Hongbin doesn't find that strange. “People can get annoyed at anything, really. But that's yet to happen so you're safe.”

Wonshik huffs a laugh and Hongbin feels it against his face. “For now. So, nothing else? Not my dashing good looks?”

“That's a perk,” Hongbin answers, chuckling. “I will admit, the music video I watched on stream taught me nothing besides the fact that you look very good in a suit. I like it when you don't have to cover your tattoos.”

“I like that too,” Wonshik whispers into his hair, leaving a kiss there. “I can cover most of them up but it’s still annoying. I got them because I wanted them and I can't show them off.”

“They're sexy.” Hongbin snorts when Wonshik does, his cheeks pinking. “Can't have all the middle aged women swooning over you.”

“You're horrible.”

“Get used to it.”

***

Hongbin doesn't see Wonshik for a few days. He streams, he has fun, he texts Wonshik when he's not busy. It’s been a while since he's been alone in his apartment aside from streaming. Wonshik usually drops by whenever he can, even Sanghyuk has made the occasional stop in the past. Gongchan was supposed to spend the weekend with him but those plans fell through because Hongbin has a Sunday night schedule and Gongchan has overtime to complete.

Hongbin sticks back in his chair, frowning at his reflection in the pause screen of his game. He’s not live right now, won’t be until later tonight but this is the first time he’s had in a while to actually reflect on everything.

First of all, he has Wonshik. A friend turned sort of boyfriend sort of I-don’t-know-what-to-call-this-but-don’t-kiss-anyone-else relationship. He should probably clear it up soon with Wonshik. It’s been a week or so since they’ve seen each other since Wonshik has been working on a few singles so that he has them to release later on. He’ll have a comeback soon, too, and he has to fly overseas in a month or so to film the music video with one of his friends. Hongbin knows he’ll be gone for two weeks and their timezones will be royally fucked for them to properly talk.

But he’s glad to have Wonshik. Everything with him is new and exciting and Hongbin never really understood the hype around couples or spending time with your significant other but he gets it with Wonshik because it’s easy. They can hang out and go on random dates whenever they feel like it because there’s no one to compete with. They’re in their own little world and it makes Hongbin gag thinking about it but also makes him smile to himself, in the comfort of his room where no one can see him. He makes a really awkward expression at himself before rolling his eyes.

_ I’ve got something on tonight _ , he told Wonshik, who replied with a shrug and told him to tell him when he’d be done with whatever the thing was so he can come over. Hongbin agreed, smiling at the encouraging emojis Wonshik sent through. He doesn't even know what Hongbin’s doing and he's still encouraging him. It makes Hongbin scrunch his nose up.

But right now, he’s wasting time and his phone vibrates with Sanghyuk’s contact, alerting him that he’s at his apartment and Hongbin buzzes him in. It’s been a few months since he saw his brother because they simply don’t talk often. Sanghyuk has his life outside of the city, working full time. Hongbin doesn’t know if he has someone, if he’s even interested in that kind of thing right now because he’s still young. Maybe he’ll ask him tonight. God, he’ll ask anything to make this normal.

Sanghyuk hugs him when he opens the door and God, it’s like he got bigger because Hongbin struggles a little underneath his weight. But he hugs him tight, circling his arms around his brother’s waist as he closes the door behind him. Sanghyuk hugs everyone the same way and Hongbin takes a breath to relax himself.

“You moved,” Sanghyuk observes when he pulls away, scanning the apartment. Hongbin feels the guilt dig around in his stomach and nods, swallowing.

“Yeah, a couple months ago,” he manages but Sanghyuk doesn’t seem that upset. “No roommates now.”

“I would have helped you move,” his brother offers, giving him a smile and Hongbin licks his lips in lieu of an answer, unsure of what to really say to Sanghyuk.

“But you’re really living the bachelor life now,” Sanghyuk comments as he walks through the apartment, checking out every door and room to familiarise himself with the layout. He glances at the games underneath Hongbin’s television and moves past them, to the balcony and Hongbin heaves a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

He knows he doesn’t need Sanghyuk’s approval - it’s a fucking apartment for crying out loud - but Hongbin being with his family in a non-anxiety ridden state isn’t common, even with Sanghyuk. It’s ten fold more because Hongbin realises with a sickening twist of his stomach that Sanghyuk doesn’t even know about Wonshik. And he won’t guess it either. Because that’s simply not Hongbin would ever do. He would never date a man.

_ What would he think?  _ Hongbin wonders as he watches Sanghyuk close a door behind him, rather silently.  _ Would he even guess? _ He supposes it’s a good thing that no one suspects anything but his own brother has no idea that Hongbin is happy with what he’s found, happy with someone who is a man and even though he knows Sanghyuk would never hurt him over that, it’s still scary.

“How have you been?” Sanghyuk asks suddenly, crossing his legs where he sits on the couch and Hongbin joins him, sitting down slowly. “You look nervous. Did you think I was going to trash your apartment or something?”

“No, nothing like that, Hyukkie,” Hongbin replies, shaking his head. He pauses, his eyes elsewhere before he takes a breath. “A lot has happened since we last saw each other, I guess.”

“Moving isn’t that big of a deal,” Sanghyuk replies, frowning. He leans his elbows on his knees, watching Hongbin curiously. He hesitates, the both of them do because this is awkward but necessary and Sanghyuk swallows. “Let’s catch up, then. What’s new with you?”

Hongbin bites his cheek. “I… Well, I moved. And I met someone.”

“You did?” Sanghyuk is surprised but Hongbin isn’t offended. This is the first time he’s ever dated in the history of literally ever and it’s definitely the first time Sanghyuk has known of it. Hongbin never dated, never had the little boy crushes in high school. He would get annoyed at random girls confessing to him; that’s the kind of person Hongbin was growing up. And now he suddenly has someone and is telling Sanghyuk about it.

“Is she nice?” Sanghyuk asks and Hongbin feels his gut clench at that.

“Yeah,” he answers blankly, his voice coming out as a deadpan. “We really suit each other.”

“I hope I can meet her soon, then.”

_ God, just fucking tell him,  _ his brain is yelling at him but he takes a breath and instead asks what Sanghyuk wants to eat for dinner. He’ll treat him, since Sanghyuk came all the way here even though it’s not a long train trip. Sanghyuk answers that he doesn’t want something big, that he and his roommate have plans for later so he doesn’t want to eat too much when he can just eat at home and not spend Hongbin’s money.

“Still living with Sungjae?” Hongbin asks as he orders and Sanghyuk grins.

“Yeah, still tearing the place up. He put a hole in the wall from fighting with Changsub.” He laughs to himself as Hongbin smiles. “He’s such an idiot,” he adds fondly.

Hongbin basks in the silence between them for a moment before he looks at Sanghyuk and finally asks the reason he's even here. “You texted me out of nowhere. Did something happen?”

“I would have told you immediately,” Sanghyuk answers, offering a soft smile that's reassuring. But it’s not enough to lay Hongbin’s heart to rest, not when Sanghyuk takes family so seriously and wouldn't be here unless it was because of something very important. 

“What is it, Hyuk?” he asks again and Sanghyuk’s lips part, a breath passing through them before he looks Hongbin in the eye finally and he feels sick at the words he utters.

“Mom’s been asking about you.”

Hongbin tries to keep the grimace off his face and turns away but Sanghyuk catches it and he's definitely not pleased. Hongbin purses his lips in thought and wonders how this conversation would have gone if they had just had it over text. Would Hongbin feel like vomiting right now? Or would he have ignored Sanghyuk like a coward, like he usually does?

“I don't want to talk about her,” Hongbin answers quickly.

Sanghyuk sneers at him. “You never want to.”

“Then why the fuck did you ask?”

“Because she wonders about you!” Sanghyuk snaps, throwing his hands up. “God, hyung, it’s like you don't even count yourself as her son. You haven't seen them since Christmas and it’s fucking August. You haven’t seen  _ me _ since April.”

Hongbin takes a sharp breath. He's right but it’s a little more complicated to explain to your parents that you graduated college like they were paying for you to do only to become a streamer online and play games all day in an apartment by yourself. To an extent, they know. Hongbin has sent his father a few things as presents and when asked what he's been doing for a living, Hongbin didn't exactly have it in him to lie, for once in his life. He said he's been working from home, in video producing and editing and left it at that. That, and the added fact that they probably wouldn't approve of him making money solely from strangers online. That's why he doesn't communicate with them well, because he rarely ever has the courage to tell them anything that goes on in his life.

But a lot has happened in the last few months, one of those things being Wonshik. It’s not serious between them yet but Hongbin wants it to be and that scares him a lot but not as much as how his parents might react to their eldest son being with another man. This wasn't a quick realisation and Hongbin is surprised he even feels anything for Wonshik but explaining that to his parents freaks him out when they know him to be probably straight and barely even interested in women. It’s not as bad as he’s making it out to be, he’s sure his parents wouldn’t mind if he were to tell them and he’s an adult, at the very least. But Hongbin has never had to think about these things until now and what if this is what makes his parents drop him?

And he just told Sanghyuk Wonshik was a woman when he could have just denied it. He didn't even have to bring it up but Sanghyuk uses it against him now, frustrated at his own insecurities for reasons he doesn't even know.

“And your girlfriend,” Sanghyuk prompts, knowing it stings. “You didn't even tell  _ me _ . I know we’re not as close as we used to be but a phone call would have been nice. You don’t have to tell me everything but-”

“It’s not serious,” Hongbin whispers, swallowing. It’s difficult to explain what he’s feeling right now but he just wants Sanghyuk to stop talking about his  _ girlfriend _ . “I don't know what we are.”

“I still would have liked to have  _ known _ , hyung.” Sanghyuk sighs, running his hands through his hair. “Our parents love you. They want to love you and you won't let them and I don't even know why.”

“I grew up,” Hongbin answers, his voice steady surprisingly. “I left home and I grew up. They didn't do anything wrong but there's still things I don't know about myself. Things I don't want to tell them yet.”

Sanghyuk doesn't respond immediately to that, instead just staring down at the floor for a moment. When he looks up at Hongbin, he looks hurt and Hongbin, selfishly, doesn't want to have this conversation. But he has to.

“You don't want to tell me, either,” Sanghyuk concludes.

Hongbin raises his eyebrows, neither denying or agreeing. “It’s personal to me.”

“You think I'd be an asshole about it?”

“Hyuk, it’s so new to me that I don't even know what to think. That's why I don't want to tell my family because what if it’s so bad that you hate me?”

Sanghyuk shifts on the couch, closer to Hongbin and takes his hand before he can protest. The contrast between them is hilarious; Hongbin’s small hand clasped between Sanghyuk’s big ones, keeping it warm and pressing it for comfort. Hongbin doesn't pull away; he can't remember the last time he and Hyuk comforted each other.

“Hyung,” Sanghyuk presses, his voice barely above a whisper. “There's nothing you could ever do that would make me love you less.”

Hongbin swallows, his eyes stinging but not welling up with tears. It takes a moment but Hongbin closes his eyes and takes a breath, whispering what he wanted to say earlier, because it’s a secret that not even he has ever admitted out loud. “She's not a girl. I’m seeing a man.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes go wide and Hongbin feels like screaming but his brother lets his hand go so he can wrap his arm around his shoulders. He starts to laugh but not unkindly and Hongbin feels like vomiting for the rollercoaster of nerves in his stomach.

“Okay,” Sanghyuk breathes, into his hair as he pulls Hongbin closer. He;s trying to make this normal and Hongbin isn’t sure if he should be grateful. “Is he nice?”

“Almost too nice,” Hongbin whispers, his tears finally coming. “His name is Wonshik.”

“Okay,” Sanghyuk repeats, a smile in his voice. “So long as he's nice. If he's not, chances are that I’m bigger than him. And I'll kick his ass.”

That startles a laugh out of Hongbin and he leans against Sanghyuk, burrowing closer to him. They don't say anything else. Sanghyuk keeps him close, simply rubbing his arm and it’s enough to calm Hongbin down effectively. Probably more effectively than having an in depth conversation about it.

“Don't tell mom,” Hongbin asks and Sanghyuk hums.

“I won't. But when you sort it all out, don't leave them out of it.”

“I'll try,” Hongbin promises and Sanghyuk squeezes him closer.

It’s not until later that Sanghyuk leaves, staying longer than he thought he would. It feels better between them and Hongbin hugs him at the door, holding him close. Sanghyuk squeezes him back, over his shoulders and he's the one patting Hongbin’s head, humming into his ear. 

“I love you,” Sanghyuk tells him quietly and Hongbin knows that if this was different, they wouldn't be doing this. The elevator dings down the hall as Hongbin opens his mouth.

“I love you, too,” he replies, laughing at the awkward way he always utters those words. He rarely says them unless it’s to tease Gongchan in front of his girlfriend or when he loses on a roulette wheel spin and has to say whatever his chat tells him to.

Someone steps out of the elevator and Hongbin pulls away to see Wonshik there, surprised. He hadn't messaged him yet. But Wonshik probably figured out that whatever he was doing couldn’t have lasted this late into the night.

Wonshik hesitates, sensing the atmosphere and he zeros in on Hongbin’s eyes, his own eyes going wide. Hongbin shakes his head and gestures him over since Sanghyuk was about to leave anyways.

“This is my brother,” Hongbin whispers when Wonshik steps forward and the tension melts but resizes in Wonshik’s shoulders as he looks at him. He's acting strange but Sanghyuk can be an intimidating guy if he tries and right now, he’s staring Wonshik down.

“I’m Hongbin’s friend, Wonshik. Nice to meet you,” Wonshik says, offering his hand. He has a bag full of food and Hongbin quickly realises just how much time has passed since he ordered food for himself with Sanghyuk. How long have they been talking? What time is it?

“Likewise,” Sanghyuk replies cooly, shaking his hand firmly. His eye twitches and he glances between Wonshik and Hongbin before smiling sweetly. “How long have you known Hongbin?”

Wonshik thinks for a moment, frowning. “Seven…? Seven months, I think.”

“How did you meet?”

“Uh-”

“He knows who you are, Wonshik,” Hongbin clarifies quietly. Wonshik glances at him and Hongbin raises his eyebrows, trying to articulate to Wonshik that Sanghyuk knows him as  _ Wonshik _ , not Ravi. Meaning, he-

“Oh, fuck,” Wonshik blurts, dropping Sanghyuk’s hand. Why were they still shaking hands? Weird display of dominance if you ask Hongbin. “So he-”

He tries to make sense of the situation but Sanghyuk just smiles at him, squinting suspiciously. “Have a good night,” he says as he pats Wonshik’s limp arm. “Take care of my brother or I will eat you.”

Sanghyuk waves over his shoulder, shoving his hands into his pockets as he leaves the way Wonshik came, his shoulders back and relaxed. Wonshik looks like he just got punched and Hongbin smiles at him, chuckling at his dejected look.

“Your brother is a massive dude,” Wonshik tells him as Hongbin opens his door for him, ushering him inside. “Like, you're not small but you have tiny hands. And then he's just-”

Hongbin blinks at him before he raises his eyebrows. “Yes, my brother is a unit, everyone who meets him tells me the same thing.” He takes the bag of food from him and Wonshik hops up onto the bar chairs, watching Hongbin as he puts the pho together. 

“You looked scared,” Hongbin prompts and Wonshik rubs his neck, his eyes darting around for a few moments, before he looks down at his hands that are laced together on the countertop.

“This is going to sound really weird but when someone you really like is hugging a massive guy and telling him he loves him, it freaks me out.” Wonshik isn't looking at him but Hongbin smiles despite himself, amused.

“I understand what you mean,” Hongbin offers, grinning. “But I already have one idiot. And Hyuk is my brother.”

“Hyuk,” Wonshik echoes, glancing at him. “I was about to leave. But I figured you wouldn't have called me over if you were sleeping with him.”

Hongbin grimaces, scrunching up his face as he passes the bowl to Wonshik. “That's disgusting. He's my brother, I don't even want to think about-”

“I didn't know he was your brother ten minutes ago!” Wonshik defends, laughing when Hongbin gags. “I’m insecure. Sue me.”

“Here, I'll fix it.” Hongbin circles the kitchen counter and sits next to Wonshik, looking at him as he snaps his chopsticks in half, like this is just a normal day for them. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

Wonshik’s face and shoulders drop dramatically and he sighs. “I was going to ask you that.”

“Well, you snooze, you fuckin’ lose, man.”

“Don't brozone me after asking me to be your boyfriend,” Wonshik whines, throwing his head back. But he drops forward and sighs, giving Hongbin a smile. “I'd really like that.”

“Good,” Hongbin dismisses so he can will his cheeks to stop blushing. He's surprised he even asked Wonshik without stuttering or completely overthinking it. “No take backs.”

“Yeah, you're stuck with my bullshit for a while.”

“My bullshit is worse than yours,” Hongbin retorts, stirring his bowl with his chopsticks.

“Fat fuckin’ chance.” Wonshik shakes his head, dismissing Hongbin. “I'll cry, don't challenge me.”

“You're ridiculous,” Hongbin sighs, rolling his eyes when Wonshik elbows him in the ribs just to be annoying. “Why do I even like you?”

“Because someone has to deal with your bullshit,” Wonshik fires back, grinning when Hongbin groans. He set himself up for that one, he’ll admit. But he doesn't mind teasing if it’s from Wonshik. 

“Get used to this,” Wonshik says with a mouthful of food and Hongbin just nods, his stomach fluttering with whatever the hell people like to call it.

  
  


***

_ The fuck you mean Wonshik-hyung is famous. _

Hongbin bursts out laughing at Sanghyuk’s text and forwards it immediately to Wonshik who’s on the other end of the video call on his computer, doused in purple light from his studio. He looks cute but Hongbin already went through that mind fuck when he logged on. He doesn’t know how many times it will take him before he gets over how handsome Wonshik is.

Wonshik looks down at his phone, just at the lock screen and laughs too, a smug grin on his lips. “‘Wonshik-hyung’ is cute. Is he doing that to be polite?”

“Probably,” Hongbin says, responding with a shrug to Sanghyuk. “He probably thinks he’ll win brownie points with you if he says hyung.”

“Well, he’d be right.”

“God, you're easy.”

“Don't say it like that.”

Hongbin blinks before scowling. “Don't  _ make _ it like that, dumbass.”

“Hey, still your boyfriend,” Wonshik says smugly, looking at the camera and Hongbin sighs, nodding along. He can't refute that argument now and he's glad he can't but at the same time, it makes their little bickers redundant.

They sit in silence for a while until Wonshik takes a breath and pulls away from his screens to stretch. Hongbin glances at him, smiling when Wonshik’s shirt rides up a little but he pulls it down immediately, eyeing Hongbin suspiciously. He shrugs and Wonshik smirks, sitting back down and rubbing his face.

“When do you leave?” Hongbin asks softly and Wonshik sighs.

“In a week.” He scratches his cheek through his fake glasses and sucks in his cheeks to bite them for a moment. “My flight is pretty early. Do you want to stay with me?”

Hongbin snorts, fiddling with the Rubik's cube Wonshik solved on his desk. “Why, are you going to miss me?” 

Wonshik rolls his eyes, earning a smile from Hongbin. But he agrees, saying he’ll be there and it will be a Monday night that he stays, Wonshik leaving early Tuesday morning for America to film a music video for his comeback soon. Well, not comeback; it’s a new album and it’s the first of his company from him. He's released singles but this one is new and improved, reminiscent of one of his first solo tracks, Nirvana.

It’s a two week trip because he has to set up some connections over here for that he and his company are able to tour later on. That, and it’s been a while since Wonshik last went to America and it’s his coworkers first time ever so it’s work and a personal experience in one.

“I'll be there,” Hongbin says quietly, the mood turning lazy between them. 

Wonshik hums. “I'll miss you.” He says it like it’s the most casual thing in the world and Hongbin rolls his eyes.

“You too.”

Wonshik sighs this time, looking dejected. “You might as well have friendzoned me.”

“Is it too late to do that?”

“Keep going and you can sleep on the fuckin’ floor.”

Hongbin grins, feigning innocence. “Awh, I just like it when you get frustrated.”

“You're into some dodge shit,” Wonshik retorts, his eyebrows furrowing and Hongbin hates to find that attractive but it is. Wonshik isn't looking at the screen, his profile on view and Hongbin’s eye twitches minutely. 

“You're the one that wrote a song about being controlled and then performed it with your best friend,” Hongbin defends.

“Are you ever going to let that go?” Wonshik whines, looking at the camera now. “It was so long ago.”

“I like it when they credit you for putting boys in chokers,” Hongbin grins, winking at him. “Really sets your image up.”

Wonshik rolls his eyes as Hongbin laughs at him, pleased with himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a soft chapter ^^ i hope you enjoy <3
> 
> come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/RAVITHCRACKKIDZ) :)


	7. Chapter 7

Hongbin quickly realises how much he’s going to miss Wonshik when he sees him the night before his flight to America.

It’s super freaky, he can’t stop touching him. He just wants to  _ touch _ and hold and kiss him. Wonshik isn’t bothered, especially when Hongbin kisses him in favour of them focusing on whatever movie Wonshik put on. No disrespect to Wonshik’s taste, of course, but Hongbin isn’t really interested. And it’s somehow easier to kiss Wonshik than to talk or mumble nothing and everything about how he’s feeling to him but Wonshik takes the hint and kisses him back which just as much enthusiasm.

“Don’t speak,” Hongbin says when Wonshik pulls away to look at him, to question what he’s doing. 

“You’re being weird,” Wonshik says, ignoring his comment and Hongbin rolls his eyes, already bored of this conversation. It seemed a whole lot more interesting a few minutes ago..

“Just kiss me.”

Wonshik does, a little too much tongue but it’s not supposed to be perfect. His hands roam and Hongbin makes it easier for him to touch by pulling himself into Wonshik’s lap quickly. Wonshik’s hands play it safe on his thighs, not wanting to push any further but Hongbin presses closer to him, inviting Wonshik’s hands up his back, on his shoulder blades to keep him there.

Hongbin doesn’t know why he feels like he’s in a rush but Wonshik pulls away only to pin him to the couch and fix himself between his legs. Hongbin falls back with an  _ oof _ but doesn’t let him go, wrapping his legs around his waist but Wonshik is close to him, is looking down at him and it’s confusing him. He can’t pull him down and it’s  _ annoying _ .

Hongbin tries to get him to kiss him again but Wonshik gazes at him softly, trying to hide his smile but it’s impossible. “You’re being weird,” he repeats and Hongbin sighs. “Come on, tell me what’s up.”

“It’s just…” He takes a breath and looks to the side but Wonshik lays himself down on him, resting his chin on his folded hands as he looks up at Hongbin. “I’ll miss you. It’s not for a long time but I see you almost every day, so. And you’re the one that does this… to me, so I seriously can’t afford for you to go missing in a foreign country.”

“It’s America, not another planet,” Wonshik chuckles but he reaches up to kiss Hongbin again, sweetly and softly. Hongbin manages a smile for him and that’s enough for Wonshik to keep going, to keep him distracted.

It’s selfish for him to do this, for him to get pampered when it’s Wonshik that’s probably more stressed than he is but Wonshik doesn’t give him much room to process that when he’s nibbling at his jaw,  _ that one’s new _ , kissing down his neck and finding a few spots there to focus on, to make Hongbin have something to keep with him for a little while.

“Scared I’ll forget you?” Hongbin chuckles but his voice is shaky and one of his hands is clenched in Wonshik’s hair to keep him there. He hisses when Wonshik bites him right underneath his jaw. He blushes when his whine comes out high pitched and Wonshik smirks at him, pleased with himself.

“Cute,” he muses and Hongbin scoffs at him, clenching his fist in Wonshik’s hair and grinning when he makes him exhales sharply.

“Good to know,” he whispers, pulling Wonshik forward to kiss him firmly.

Wonshik refuses to sleep on the couch and he has to be awake early anyways so he’s the one dragging them to bed when Hongbin is dazed and out of it, but following along. Wonshik doesn’t leave him alone even in bed, even when he definitely needs to sleep but Hongbin doesn’t complain in the slightest, not when Wonshik touches him and makes him sigh.

It’s when Wonshik is laying next to Hongbin that he finally catches his breath, even though Wonshik is keeping his lazy attention on his neck. Hongbin scratches his scalp softly and Wonshik pulls away only to reach up and kiss him.

“You need to sleep,” Hongbin whispers and Wonshik hums, kissing him once more before finally lying down, cuddling up to him. His hand is under Hongbin’s shirt, on his ribs. It’s warm and his hand doesn’t wander, his breaths evening out. Hongbin sighs and holds him close, hoping he can sleep while Wonshik is here with him. It’s somehow easier to sleep when Wonshik is with him, like he was missing him for a long time and finally has him where he needs him.

Hongbin doesn’t dream, but he sleeps all night. Well, sleeps until Wonshik wakes him up when he needs to leave. Hongbin reaches out groggily to hold him, to keep him there, to bring him back to sleep but Wonshik kisses him to stop him, shushing him quickly. “I’ll be back soon,” he whispers and Hongbin whines at him, not wanting to let him go but Wonshik pulls away.

“Call me,” Hongbin manages.   
  
Wonshik promises that he will. “I’ll call you when I get to my hotel.” Hongbin hums and finally lets him go, but not without Wonshik kissing him goodbye a final time. 

He wakes up again three hours later, alone, and he almost freaks out. He shoots up, slamming his hands around but Wonshik isn’t next to him. He was, but not anymore. He finds his phone under the pillow where he doesn’t remember putting it there and sighs because everything smells like Wonshik and it’s making his brain melt. He’s been gone for three hours and he already misses him terribly.

_ Hey, I’m at the airport now. Text me when you wake up, _ reads Wonshik’s text and Hongbin smiles at his phone.

_ I’m awake. How long until your flight? _

_ Another hour.  _ Hongbin can hear Wonshik’s voice as he reads the texts but it’s not helpful for his heart. He needs to wake himself up, if anything, to get his shit in order. 

He stands up to get into the shower as Wonshik is typing.  _ There’s not much food at mine. You know I can’t cook but you’re welcome to anything you find.  _

_ Thanks,  _ Hongbin types and he glances up to check what Wonshik has in his shower and which is a very  _ nice _ shower. God, Hongbin’s apartment fucking sucks and it’s  _ small _ compared to Wonshik’s luxury abode.  _ Can I use your shower? _

_ Go for it. I’ve got coffee too, if you want it. _

Hongbin smiles, looking up at his reflection just to gage how tired he looks but he finds something else right on his neck that makes him scowl at the butterflies in his stomach. His brain is telling him that this is bad because it’s so  _ obvious _ , it’s  _ right _ there but Hongbin really likes it.    
  
Instead of replying, Hongbin takes an awfully crafted mirror selfie and send it to Wonshik.  _ Care to explain? _

Wonshik sends back a bunch of smug emojis that does nothing for Hongbin’s blush.  _ Can’t help it, I guess. Aren’t you streaming tonight too? _

_ I hate you so much. What the hell am I gonna do to cover this? _

He can hear Wonshik laughing from here.  _ Take my turtleneck. I’ve got plenty. _

Hongbin sighs, touching his fingers to the hickeys on his neck. He glances at himself in the mirror, catching what he’s doing and he scowls at himself, clenching his fist to stop himself but his cheeks flare up and he shakes his head. He decides to shower but he can’t escape what he sees in the mirror when he steps out and he sees Wonshik’s texts and God, he wants to be mad but he  _ likes _ how it looks and swallows his pride when he asks when Wonshik will be home.

_ Uhh, the 15th,  _ Wonshik says, confused.  _ Why? You got plans? _

_ Yeah, something like that,  _ Hongbin laughs, hating himself.  _ The marks will probably be gone by then. _

Wonshik’s reply is instant.  _ Hongbin you’re hot and yes that selfie is ruining my life but I’m not sexting you in an airport _

_ Holy shit that was not what I was asking for! _

_ Kinda were. Send me another one lol _

_ I’m not sexting you from your bathroom! _

_ Your loss (; _

  
  


***

  
  


“Hello,” Hongbin greets that night for his stream. The chat starts to come in and the first thing they pick up on is the fact that he’s wearing a black turtleneck and not his usual white shirt.

Wonshik was damn lucky he didn’t leave anything on his jaw or Hongbin wouldn’t be streaming tonight. But even then, he has to be cautious of how the neck will shift when he turns and twists to look at donations. But so far, so good.

_ Wow, new shirt? _ someone asks and Hongbin just nods, smiling for the camera and trying to keep his grievances to himself. Wonshik landed in America a few hours ago but has yet to message him. Hongbin started his stream a little earlier than usual to keep his mind off of waiting for his phone to vibrate.

Hongbin hums, reaching up to scratch his neck but he pauses quickly, clenching his fist and hoping no one notices the movement. He smiles weirdly, opening and closing his jaw as he watches the chat and that effectively changes the subject of his clothes to how sharp his teeth are and how big his mouth is. Too easy.

“Anyways,” he says, leaning back in his seat. He picks his hair out of his eyes, shaking his head to keep it away and he sighs, listening to some donations and thanking them with a smile. He starts up his game slowly and ends up yawning, mentioning that he was with family last night so that’s why he’s a bit tired.

“But everyone likes a long stream,” he muses, knowing tonight he’s only doing it for Wonshik. Wonshik has probably gone to sleep while he still can, since it’s early morning in America, so he’ll be online soon, most likely when Hongbin has a few hours to this stream already.

_ Don’t spend too long! _ someone replies to his comment about being tired.  _ Sleep well tonight, Kongbini _ .

“Yes, thank you,” he answers, smiling. His eyes are tired but he’s yet to slip his glasses on whilst being on stream so he’ll save that for a time when he’s not wearing a turtleneck from a thousand or so people right now. 

It’s two in the morning when Wonshik messages him and Hongbin ignores it for a few minutes, trying to play it off as he closes down his game. He stretches his back out, cracking his spine and his chat has settled down a little, most of the people left being international fans. He says goodbye, smiling and waving to make up for the fact that he’s not doing an ending screen for it. He ends his stream and asks if he can call Wonshik, to which he immediately agrees.

“Hey,” Wonshik greets when his video comes up on Hongbin’s screen. “I saw the end of your stream, since you didn’t reply.”

“That’s smug,” Hongbin replies, pinching the turtleneck consciously. He feels like the marks are burning through the fabric.

Wonshik smirks at him, sticking his tongue into his cheek. “It suits you. You should keep it. Maybe I’ll buy you some nice clothes while I’m here.”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Hongbin snaps, scowling at him but Wonshik just laughs at him, stunned.

“You really don’t see how hot you’d look if you actually dressed a little nicer? God, you must be blind.”

“It’s your job to be the pretty one who’s always camera ready.”

“Yeah, but what if I want my boyfriend to look like the absolute sex god he is?”

“Keep going and you can stay in America,” Hongbin deadpans, lifting his eyebrow. Wonshik shrugs at him, as if this isn’t one of the stupidest conversations they’ve ever had. Wonshik looks way to pleased with himself so Hongbin opts for changing the subject. “How did you sleep?”

Wonshik hums, sighing contently. “Yeah, pretty well.” He looks off screen to someone and Hongbin realises he’s in the lobby of his hotel room. He must be on one of those computers that you pay every ten or so minutes for. “I’ve got a little bit of time before we head out. It’s a slow day today while we get set up.”

Hongbin nods, leaning his cheek on his hand. Wonshik talks for a little while, moving his hands around as he does and Hongbin smiles at him like a blushing schoolgirl as he watches. 

“How are you?” Wonshik asks after a while, his turn to watch Hongbin as he talks.

“I’m okay.” He stifles a yawn against his hand and Wonshik grins, knowing it’s late for him. “Tired, no thanks to you.”

Wonshik presses a finger to his lips in a shushing motion, smirking behind it. “Don’t say anything. Never know who’s listening.”

“You just implied all of it, you idiot.” Wonshik makes a surprised face, melodramatic as usual. But he shuts up as Hongbin says what he’s been doing and they trade things back and forth, minute but sweet for the both of them. Wonshik won’t stop smiling and Hongbin wishes he was back already so he could kiss him and make him smile for another reason. Or make him shut up. Either or.

Wonshik turns his head to the side after an hour, replying to someone who speaks to him. Hongbin doesn’t know who it is but he’s speaking Korean so it’s probably someone from his team. He nods, crossing his arms as he looks at Hongbin again. 

“I have to go,” he says, looking down, suddenly shy. “Like right now. But I’ll message you soon, okay?”

“Okay,” Hongbin agrees, giving him a smile. “Have fun. Stay safe.”

Wonshik grins at him, his cheeks bunching up. “I will. I miss you already.”

“I miss you, too,” Hongbin says quietly, smiling back at him. He didn’t think he would already but he does and it’s driving him wild. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yeah. Okay, talk soon. Love you.” Wonshik reaches up, letting his sleeve drop down so he can grab his mouse before it hits both of him with what he’s just said. “Uh, well. If that’s okay. Uh- Fuck, sor-”

Hongbin snorts at him, cracking his knuckles. He’s flushing and somehow, the marks on his neck make themselves known, burning him with pride. He smiles, goofy and big. “I love you too. Message me soon.”

“Okay,” Wonshik repeats, slamming his hands over his face. “Okay, love you. Bye.” He scrambles to end the call quickly and Hongbin just laughs at him, ending it on his end too. He sits in silence for a few moments before he smacks his hands on his cheeks, trying to get himself to stop fucking blushing but it doesn’t work, especially since the sleeves of his turtle touch his face.

“God, fuck,” he mutters, taking his phone rom his desk and deciding it’s better that he sleeps. He says goodnight to Wonshik who doesn’t reply since he probably has no internet and drops himself into bed, curling onto himself to keep warm and keep his mind off the fact that he’s falling asleep in his boyfriend’s clothes and Wonshik isn’t even here to tease him for it. He doesn’t even overthink that he said I love you. Wonshik said it first and Hongbin said it back, no hesitation. 

He takes a breath and isn’t slow to fall asleep.

  
  


***

“Go to bed.”

Wonshik sighs, a small smile on his face. It’s late for him, in America, but it’s lonely. He usually feels something similar to this when he travels but it’s for his dog, his family, or just the fact that Korean food tastes so much better in Korea. 

Speaking English is tiring him out and he feels exhausted but he has another week here. Thankfully, his filming will end by tomorrow and he’ll have the rest of the week to play tour guide for his artist, Chiwoong. He’s been good to travel with but Wonshik likes to keep to himself sometimes and that translates to calling Hongbin at three in the morning because that means it’s evening for him, dinner time.

“I'll sleep soon,” he answers but Hongbin’s hum isn't pleased. He laughs at him softly and they lapse into silence before Wonshik swallows. “Weird to sleep knowing you're so far away.”

_ “You always did before you met me.” _

Wonshik hesitates but he doesn’t feel shame in admitting it. “It’s harder now.”

Hongbin pauses for a moment, cautious, but he doesn’t seem scared.  _ “... You really meant what you said, didn't you? When you said you loved me?” _

Wonshik nods but Hongbin can't see him. “Yeah, I did. I don't say that kind of stuff lightly.” He sounds defensive to himself but Hongbin doesn't retaliate negatively.

_ “Neither do I. I feel awkward saying it. Even to my brother.” _ He chuckles.  _ “But I do. It’s hard to express, sometimes. So please don't think badly of me.” _

“I don’t think that's possible,” Wonshik offers softly, knowing the smile is evident in his voice. “I do miss you, though. I guess I got used to talking shit all the time. Now I have to work and it’s wearing me out.”

Hongbin snorts.  _ “You're the one making us coin.” _

“Yeah, ‘cause you're my trophy wife.”

_ “Someone has to laugh at your jokes.” _

Wonshik scoffs, rapping his knuckles on the metal of the rooftop of his hotel. “You don't even do that!” 

It’s cool out here, now that the LA sun has disappeared but it’s still warm enough for Wonshik to only be in a thin shirt and shorts. Hongbin laughs softly and Wonshik smiles despite himself, instantly relaxed by the sound. 

It’s such a weird feeling to comprehend, missing someone. Wonshik has been in a few relationships and he had feelings for a girl for three damn years in high school but somehow, none of his experiences compare to anything with Hongbin. It’s the earliest he's ever admitted he's loved someone and he did it on accident because his brain just didn't rationalise that process until he said it. But Hongbin wasn't upset and said it  _ back _ . Wonshik usually has to wait a little before his partners say it in return; not that it’s a big deal, some people aren't ready when he is and that's okay.

But the last person he said _ I love you  _ to dumped him three days later because she didn't feel the same way and had been looking for an opening to let him go already. Wonshik hasn't had a serious relationship since then, not out of fear, but because he had been too caught up in his work to give his time to someone again. That, and he wasn't in the mood to get hurt during a crucial moment in his career.

And then Hongbin happened in a fantastic spiral and Wonshik didn't think he’d fall so quickly but he did it and it’s embarrassing that Hongbin calling him an idiot in that warm tone makes him swoon. He’ll believe anything that Hongbin tells him so long as he says it like that.

_ “You really should sleep,”  _ Hongbin says again, bringing him back to the present.  _ “There's too much on your mind. I can tell.” _

Wonshik lets out a breath. “Yeah, I guess you're right.”

The two of them pause before Hongbin laughs softly and God, Wonshik would give anything to just come home now and see him.  _ “Do you want me to stay on the phone?” _

“Yes,” he breathes instantly, turning around from the railing to head back to his room. “I'd really like that. Thank you.”

_ “You don't have to thank me. Just come home soon, okay?” _

“I promise.”

***

He's never called Wonshik this many times in the time that they've known each other but when Wonshik can, he calls instead of texting. He never explains why and it feels cheesy and gross for Hongbin to admit but he thinks it’s because Wonshik misses hearing his voice. What's worse is that Hongbin misses his voice, too.

It’s usually late for Wonshik when he calls and one of the last times that they call while he’s in America ends with him falling asleep. Hongbin eats dinner while on call with him if the timing is right and catches himself asking if Wonshik wants anything with pink cheeks. He forgets that Wonshik isn't just in his apartment a few suburbs over.

But it’s eight in the evening for Hongbin when they call, when Wonshik is back in his hotel room and alone for the reminder of the night. Sometimes he’ll just mess around and video call while he's taking off his makeup or getting changed, just so he has an excuse to see Hongbin’s face, which he’s already admitted.

“Go to sleep,” Hongbin says, every time and Wonshik hums, his face already in his pillow but his phone propped up by his hand.

“I will,” he answers slowly, his eyes closed. Hongbin feels like a teenager when he screenshots the view.

“What did you do today?” 

Wonshik inhales through his nose and shifts to prop himself up a little. He needs to be awake to answer so he opens his eyes and promptly yawns. “We finished filming.” He rubs his eye, his lips pouty. “It went later than we thought, but it’s done now. It’s a lot of back and forth to see what looks good so it feels like we got nothing done the whole time. I guess I only remember saying no a bunch of times.”

Hongbin smiles when Wonshik does, sweet between them. “It’s over now, though,” he adds. “So you can rest for a little while.”

Wonshik hums again. “I just want to be home, honestly. I don't mind travelling and doing work over here but… I don't know, it’s just a different experience.”

“I get that.” Hongbin leans on his hand as he looks at Wonshik. “Like when you're a kid and you go overseas or something and come back. It’s a great time on holiday but nothing compares to coming home when you finally get off the plane.”

Wonshik nods, smiling. He goes to reply but is interrupted by a yawn. He shakes his head and apologises but Hongbin excuses him. “Sorry. But yeah, I agree. That's the same as when I get back home. Especially after seventeen hours on a damn plane.”

Wonshik gets comfortable again, closing his eyes. He's silent for a while as Hongbin clicks around on his computer, eyes elsewhere but he hears Wonshik loud and clear when he whispers, “Can you sing something for me?”

Hongbin pauses, looking at the screen. Wonshik peaks an eye open and smiles sleepily so Hongbin sighs, unable to decline. He tries to think for a moment about what to sing, something he can just half heartedly sing quietly for Wonshik to fall asleep to and he decides on a Park Hyoshin song that he sometimes plays for his stream called Goodbye.

Wonshik laughs once when he starts, closing his eyes again and Hongbin sighs as he starts to sing softly, Wonshik occasionally humming in return. It’s slow, a calming melody if not a little sad but Wonshik doesn't complain. Both of them are feeling a little somber tonight, it seems.

“Sing one of mine,” Wonshik requests once he's finished and Hongbin tries to think of what he could possibly sing. 

“I don't rap,” he answers, frowning.

“Who cares?” Wonshik whispers. “I sing sometimes… Maybe… Uh. Look up Badbye.”

“Surprised you can still remember your own song titles,” Hongbin snarks, but does what he's told.

“Surprised you're not… fuckin’ hopelessly in love with me, I don't fuckin’ know.”

“Yikes,” Hongbin laughs, glancing at the screen. “That was rough.” Wonshik has his hand over his eyes, probably to block the glare of the light from his bedside. “But you wrote this?”

“No, it was a collaboration.” Wonshik lets out a breath. “The other singer is Jaehwan-hyung. Ken. Whatever. We did it as a special. For the-”

“Company,” Hongbin finishes, saving Wonshik the energy. He reads the titles and settles on an official recording, flicking through the lyrics for a few moments, humming under his breath. He gets the final chorus down quickly and he turns the volume down a little so he can sing it properly for Wonshik. His cheeks are hot but Wonshik smiles to himself, turning to the camera to watch Hongbin as he sings, reading the lyrics as he does. He messes up one of the lines from glancing at Wonshik and getting flustered but he smiles when Wonshik does.

“You’re pretty,” Wonshik mumbles. He’s falling asleep so Hongbin just hums, agreeing with him.

“So are you. Classically handsome.”

Wonshik laughs softly. “I have a deep voice. But so do you. But you’re… beautiful.”

Hongbin rolls his eyes, fond. “Thank you. Go to sleep.”

“I do love you. A lot.”

“I know.”

“I’ll say it. Every time.”

“Thank you.”

Wonshik sniffs, opening his eyes just to blink them closed again. He’s asleep a few moments later, snoring quietly (or at least quietly for Hongbin’s speakers) and Hongbin leaves the call running in case he wakes up again and wonders what happened. He mutes himself so Wonshik doesn’t have to wake up to him playing Apex or something.

Wonshik doesn’t wake up for a long time. But he does when Hongbin is packing up and getting ready for bed. He shifts and Hongbin hears it from where his home lays on the bathroom sink and he lifts it as he’s brushing his teeth.

Wonshik blinks, looking around like he doesn’t know where he is and Hongbin unmutes himself to say hello. Wonshik glances at him and nods, yawning. “Good evening,” he says smartly and Hongbin smiles around his toothbrush.

He finishes up quickly before greeting him back and getting into bed. Wonshik falls asleep again before Hongbin, it being early morning for him, around ten o’clock. It’s late for Hongbin, closer to sunrise than to midnight and Wonshik whispers that he loves him again so Hongbin says it back and mutes himself. He closes his eyes and falling asleep, trying to imagine that Wonshik is here with him, next to him and not thousands of miles away.

  
  


***

“When I get back, let’s do something.”

_ “You have a comeback.” _

They’ve been on call for a few hours now, it being late for Wonshik once again. It seems to be the only time that suits them both but it won’t be for long. Wonshik will be home soon and this journey can end for the two of them. “Yeah, but it’s not an actual one. Like, it is, but not the whole music show thing.”

Hongbin doesn’t reply for a few moments, completely silent. But he hums, not giving a straight answer. He likes to do that a lot, when he needs time to think things over so Wonshik doesn’t mind all that much. 

Wonshik waits for a moment before laughing to himself. “You don’t want to?”

Hongbin makes a noise of complaint, picking up his phone.  _ “No, it’s more so that I don’t want you to come back from a work trip only to leave again and get stuck. I don’t want you to be stressed.” _

Wonshik smiles, leaning back where he sits. He looks out the window, scratching his jaw as he thinks. “Well, I wouldn’t mind. I’m sure I would be okay. I’m not saying we go as soon as I get back, but I want to do something with you.”

_ “What, run away and never come back?” _

“I mean, you said it, not me.”

Hongbin laughs softly. Wonshik just knows he’s shaking his head but he’s onboard. He does sigh, though, and Wonshik sits in the silence, closing his eyes to take it in. “I come home tomorrow.”

_ “You do.” _ Hongbin seems happy. _ “What’s the game plan? I could pick you up?” _

“No, I don’t want you driving,” Wonshik says halfway through a yawn. “I don’t come back late, though. I leave early morning here, so I’ll be back around night time for you.”

_ “I’m streaming tomorrow.”  _ Hongbin clicks around on his computer for a few moments.  _ “But you’re welcome to come over. You can sleep while I stream, if you want to.” _

“So long as you join me.” Wonshik grins when Hongbin snorts at the comment. “Do we have a deal?”

Hongbin scoffs, and Wonshik can  _ see _ him rolling his eyes like he normally does. _ “Yeah, I’ll let you have that one. God, you’re awful.” _

Wonshik scratches his face, smiling to himself. “You love me though.”

Hongbin clears his throat, typing into his computer. He’s probably playing a game. He can’t do anything about that one.  _ “Mm, can’t wait to see you. Then I can finally tell you how much I hate America.” _

“Everyone loves a personal vendetta, don’t they?”

Hongbin laughs once and Wonshik can hear the smirk in his voice.  _ “They better.” _ Well, go to know that cocky Hongbin does something good for him. He’ll have to do something about it tomorrow. God, this trip has been fun, but he seriously can’t wait to get home.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Wonshik whispers, feeling the night already getting to him. He needs to sleep, because sleeping on planes always makes his everything hurt so he tries to avoid relying on it. But Hongbin agrees with him, not being the one to tell him for once.

_ “I’ll see you tomorrow,”  _ Hongbin echoes, the smile evident in his voice.  _ “Let me know and I’ll come get you. Even if I’m streaming. Okay?” _

Okay,” Wonshik agrees easily. “Love you.”

_ “Love you, too. Goodnight, Wonshik.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello nice to see you again ^^ i;m sorry the updates are so slow at the moment, i've been quiet busy. but i hope you like this chapter! i'll be keeping this slow and steady and i don't think there will be too much drama hoenstly. i hope you guys enjoy this chapter <3


	8. Chapter 8

Hongbin still wears the turtleneck for his stream when Wonshik comes home. 

He gets a personal text from Wonshik to update him on where he is and what time his flights are. Wonshik tries to translate the timezones but he does it awfully so Hongbin just tells him what time it will be for him when he gets home, which is about ten thirty in the evening. 

Hongbin is streaming and it’s doing a good job of distracting him. He's not nervous, he told Wonshik where the spare key was for a reason, so he could see him tonight, but he's jittery, a little distracted. He wants to see him and he wants to  _ hold _ him so he hopes his stream won't mind if he leaves a little early when Wonshik arrives.

Ten thirty is coming closer than he thought it would and Hongbin absentmindedly checks Wonshik’s instagram story in the lobby break of his game. All it has is a picture of around the time Wonshik last texted him, the simple word of  _ home _ there. Hongbin smiles and his game starts up suddenly, making him squeak which makes his chat laugh at him.

“Distracted,” he says simply when someone asks and he laughs at the random replies of encouragement. 

It’s halfway through a game that his door jingles and Hongbin immediately closes the game, frowning. His chat asks him what's wrong, because he suddenly turns to his bedroom door. He doesn’t say anything to explain himself, just stares at his door and waits for it to open.

“Hey?” he calls out, knowing it’s Wonshik but if it’s not then he’s literally getting robbed, live for two thousand people. And that’s hilarious, in his eyes.

_ “Hey,” _ Wonshik returns, opening his bedroom door slowly, peeking his head through. He glances at Hongbin’s computer and pauses shyly, putting his duffle bag down on Hongbin’s floor.

“Oh.” Wonshik steps over and takes Hongbin’s hand in a little  _ friendly manly  _ handshake. Hongbin grins up at him and Wonshik’s face is off camera, only his hand in Hongbin’s still visible but his smile is sweet and tired, ready to get to sleep in a real bed. He’s probably exhausted from his flights and Hongbin can’t blame him.

“Go sleep,” Hongbin says quietly and Wonshik nods, waving to the stream quickly. It’s not hard to tell that he collapses into Hongbin’s bed but his chat just coos a little, some of them wishing Wonshik a goodnight as well as excitement for his next album.

“Yeah, we’re friends,” Hongbin confirms with a grin when someone asks why Wonshik is so comfortable with him. “He's annoying but whatever.”

“Fuck you,” Wonshik mumbles before realising and smacking a hand over his mouth. Hongbin glances at the chat but no one seemed to hear that so he laughs, shaking his head.

He doesn't last much longer, maybe an hour or so, ending his stream early because he needs to be a good host to Wonshik. A few people dig at him playfully but most wish him luck and a good night’s rest on the couch after he mentions how kind he's being to Wonshik, like a true gentlemen.

“You're ridiculous,” Wonshik says as soon as the stream is offline, watching him stretch. “You can sleep on the couch if you want to.”

“Yeah, but it won't get me away from your snoring,” Hongbin retorts, collapsing on top of Wonshik with a smile. “So I’ll just sleep next to the source and kill you in your sleep.”

“You can't get rid of me.” Wonshik’s voice is quiet, drifting off so Hongbin kisses him softly and lays with him, ready to fall asleep now that Wonshik is here. He usually stays up, messing around just to waste time but Wonshik settles in with his arm around Hongbin’s shoulders and keeps him close and Hongbin falls asleep not long after Wonshik, even though he snores like a freight train.

  
  


***

With Wonshik’s arrival home, it turns lazy between the both of them. Hongbin falls asleep on Wonshik’s chest on the couch, holding him close and Wonshik checks his phone as he snoozes, leaving kisses on the crown of his head every once and awhile. Everything is calm between them, nothing to disturb them for the time being. The jetlag is slowly wearing off Wonshik and they’re both glad for it when he can sleep a full night without waking up randomly.

There is a deadline of when this will come to an end, the man made serenity between them. Wonshik needs to go back to work and release his music video and promote with his company. Hongbin needs to stream and has a few conventions coming up that he’s been invited to. He’s been offered a few partnerships and he has to make a decision on whether he should accept them or wait a little longer.

Soon, they’ll be busy again and Hongbin doesn’t know how much longer he has with this peacefulness between them. It’s not like he’ll die if he doesn’t see Wonshik, but it will still hurt a little. He should call Sanghyuk again. He should ask Gongchan out for a drink. Wonshik will be busy but so will Hongbin so maybe it won’t be too hard to move through the masses of time itself until they’re at peace again.

“You wanna go out?” Wonshik asks when he rises groggily and he nods, looking around. Wonshik hands him his glasses from the coffee table and he slips them on with the help of his boyfriend when he almost stabs himself in the eye with one of the arms.

“I’ll let you wake up for a bit,” Wonshik chuckles, kissing him sweetly. Hongbin barely responds, letting himself be kissed as he sits up, Wonshik’s legs parting to make more room for him.

He hears a camera shutter go off as he rubs his eye and glares at Wonshik, disgusted. “You couldn’t wait?” he asks, his voice deep from the lack of use and Wonshik grins sheepishly.

“You look cute.”

“You’re annoying,” Hongbin scoffs. “I’ll break your phone.”

“Come on,” Wonshik whines, sitting up and holding Hongbin around the waist. “Don’t be like that. You look soft. Especially in my hoodie, which I haven’t even commented on yet.”

“You shouldn’t have,” Hongbin mutters, fixing his glasses and tugging on the collar of the hoodie to stop it from choking him accidentally. “It’s mine now.”

“It still smells like me,” Wonshik retorts, stuffing his nose into Hongbin’s shoulder. “Well, my cologne.”

Hongbin snorts to himself before meeting Wonshik’s eyes, smug in his coming words. “Your musk.”

Wonshik blanks at him for a moment before scowling, dropping back down onto the couch and letting Hongbin go. “You’re fucked. Like, actually fucked. Don’t ever refer to my musk again.”

“Don’t fans go crazy for that shit?” Hongbin stands up and stretches, cracking his back in the process. Wonshik uses all his strength to land a slap on his ass, throwing his fists up when Hongbin whirls around and threatens to punch him. They stare at each other, rage and mock rage battling until Wonshik backs into a wide smile and Hongbin forgets why he was angry in the first place.

“Come to the gym with me,” Wonshik calls later when Hongbin is in the bathroom washing his face. Hongbin glances at him in the mirror, finding him leaning against the door frame, casual and attractive. 

Hongbin lifts his eyebrow. “I work out,” he defends but Wonshik shakes his head, laughing.

“I know, but you have a flat ass.”

“Don’t talk about my ass as if it’s not in the room with us.”

“Dude, it’s not.”

“ _ Dude, _ it is.”

“Sorry,  _ babe _ , but your ass is flat.” Wonshik shrugs, his hands in his pockets and Hongbin hates how much the simple act of confidence affects him. Wonshik’s confidence is smug and surprisingly sexy and Hongbin feels like deleting himself from the world. Error 404, Lee Hongbin not found.

“Can we stop talking about my ass?” Hongbin asks, grabbing a towel to pat his face dry and Wonshik makes a weird face, averting his eyes.

“Maybe if it wasn’t flat,” he mutters and gets a foot up his own ass for his troubles. 

Hongbin shakes his head as he sorts through his clothes, trying to find something nice to wear. He pauses for a while, staring at his wardrobe without a shirt on before Wonshik stands up from his bed and picks his outfit for him.

“I’m not going out with you while you wear a stained white t-shirt,” he mutters, pulling out nicer style button ups and holding them against Hongbin’s chest as he thinks. 

“It’s spicy sauce,” Hongbin says quietly, smiling when Wonshik rolls his eyes, sorting through his clothes rank for some more options. Hongbin has a lot of clothes, some of them quite nice but he never goes out in anything fancy. He rarely goes out drinking and he catches up with Gongchan in simple bars, places where he doesn’t have to wear dress shoes and manly cologne.

Wonshik settles on a striped turtleneck that Hongbin forgot he had, a long knee length coat and skinny jeans that Hongbin only wears when he can be bothered. He refuses to wear the shoes Wonshik picks out because they’re boots and they’re heeled. Hongbin will settle for his vans, thank you. Wonshik looks up and down once he’s finished and Hongbin spins for him, giving him an unimpressed face.

“Yeah, it’ll do,” Wonshik comments and Hongbin grabs him by his belt loops before he can leave, meeting his eyes fiercely. He rocks a little backwards, not anticipating Wonshik to come forward that quickly but their noses are a hair apart and Hongbin smirks.

“It’s nice,” Wonshik corrects and Hongbin raises his eyebrows, pleased with the answer. He presses a kiss to Wonshik’s mouth, once, twice before pulling away, grabbing his keys and wallet. 

Wonshik sneaks in as many kisses as he can in the elevator because there’s things they can’t do in public and Hongbin basks in it. If he was watching a couple like this, he’d probably vomit but Wonshik pressing kisses to his jaw just makes him grin as he watches their reflection in the door and Wonshik pulls away before the reach the lobby with a lingering kiss on his lips, making Hongbin chase him for a moment.

“You’re lucky the camera doesn’t work in that elevator,” Hongbin says as they cross the lobby, calling an uber. “Imagine the scandal.”

Wonshik hums, watching the street. “Who is kissing infamous Kongbini?”

“Not for me, dumbass.”

“What’s mine is yours, love.”

Hongbin hates that he laughs and Wonshik smiles at him, touching a hand to his waist as he spies his phone. It’s comfortable and Hongbin leans a little into Wonshik’s chest, an excuse to be closer to him while he has the chance.

Dinner isn’t anything much. Wonshik finds a quiet restaurant, one with special rooms for privacy. It feels more like a family meal at home and Hongbin laughs at Wonshik when he tries to shove too much rice into his mouth. Wonshik smiles around the rice, his earrings dangling and Hongbin is a little in love with being in love with Wonshik. He’s stupid and he’d drop everything to make someone smile and Hongbin loves him for it.

Hongbin doesn’t think of himself as pessimistic, but he’s not the most positive person. He’s laid back but that can lead quickly to a depression that he hasn’t quite figured out how to get out of. But Wonshik is hardworking (to a fault) and ambitious. He always searches for the best in people and he thinks with his heart. Hongbin calls him a fool more than he calls him any pet names but Wonshik’s clear innocence and love is something he cherishes.

“No, it’s mine,” Wonshik snaps when Hongbin goes for the last dumpling and Hongbin snorts, finding that he likes Wonshik’s stubbornness just as much.

Wonshik’s phone vibrates on the tabletop and he glances at it, not making any move to touch it but Hongbin frowns at what he thinks is himself as his phone background. He takes Wonshik’s phone and sighs, while the CEO just grins at him. He doesn’t bother to snatch his phone back even though Hongbin knows his password and could change the background.

It’s the photo from earlier, of Hongbin struggling to wake himself up with his glasses skewed across his face. He can’t help the butterflies he feels at the sight of being Wonshik’s background, at the feeling he receives when he thinks about how Wonshik will see that photo when he checks his phone during the day. It gives him pride and makes him smile when he thinks about how Wonshik will rush to explain himself if he’s asked about it. Hongbin can’t wait for that one.

After dinner, they stay up together, talking quietly and kissing when they want to. They do nothing more but exist with each other, comfortable and serene. Wonshik whispers stupid lines into Hongbin’s ear and all he can do is laugh. They grin at each other and Hongbin tells him he loves him against his lips and Wonshik’s heartbeat is a physical answer in reply from the way it speeds up at those words.

“I’ll cheer you on for your comeback,” Hongbin says later, when his face is tucked into Wonshik’s neck and their breathing is beginning to even out. “Do you still want to run away?”

Wonshik hums, tightening his grasp around Hongbin’s shoulders. “Yeah,” he returns in the same tone. “I’ll let you know. We can escape for a little while.”

Hongbin smiles and presses a kiss to Wonshik’s neck. “Okay.”

  
  


***

It feels like schedule after schedule but Wonshik is glad to return back to the life of Ravi. He films a lot of personal things for his company’s silly vlogs, just messing around with his colleagues and artists, having fun with the editing. He’s proud that he’s able to be free in this, especially when one of his artists flips off his camera and they all dissolve into laughter about it. That would be a scandal in the idol world. Wonshik likes this better.

Promoting is different this time around, no music shows for him to perform on but he scores a few radio broadcasts and television calls. It’s nice that he still has a presence, even though people were cautious of him leaving his long time label. He has fun, messing around with old friends and stylists in the industry and talking about his experiences with people who are pleased to listen to him.

And how could he forget about Taekwoon. Even Jaehwan sends him a message and he’s on his doorstep that same night to drink with him and giggle like an idiot until he falls asleep with his head in Jaehwan’s lap.

It’s nice to return to the life of Ravi, because it means he reconnects with everyone he knows. All the people who have watched him grow up and become who Ravi truly is are still his friends and while he’s been busy, he truly missed the times he used to have to talk shit with his labelmates like a couple of gossiping old ladies. Those people especially being Jaehwan, Taekwoon and Hakyeon.

“Welcome back to the real world,” Hakyeon mumbles around his mouthful of food as they all sit on the floor of the dance studio. Taekwoon was already inside, undoubtedly annoying Hakyeon and distracting him as he practised until his dancers all left because Taekwoon is very persistent when he wants to be. Wonshik met Jaehwan in the hallway and after getting a lot of love from him, decided to join forces and date crash the old married couple of Jellyfish.

“I hate you,” Taekwoon hisses at Wonshik who just pops a piece of fried chicken in his mouth and shrugs. Hakyeon doesn’t look too bothered by their intrusion. Probably because Wonshik brought them all food.

“Shut up and eat your broccoli,” Hakyeon says, crossing his legs. Taekwoon pouts, Hakyeon grins and all is well.

“How goes your everything?” Jaehwan asks Wonshik, a smile on his face as he flits through his fried rice. Hakyeon hums in agreement, eager to know while Taekwoon sulks.

“Good,” Wonshik answers simply. “It’s good to be back. Different ‘cause I’m not promoting like I did with Tuxedo, but it’s nice to be back in the feeling of comeback season.”

They nod along and Jaehwan smiles at him, nudging him with his elbow. Wonshik can’t hide the flush on his ears but he ducks his head underneath the encouragement, proud of himself, too. It’s been a long time since he and Hakyeon have caught up and the dancer has been everywhere, promoting with different groups and even busking a few times.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask about that,” Wonshik blurts out when Hakyeon mentions that he busked last week in Hongdae. The dancer looks at him, tilting his head in confusion and Wonshik really didn’t think this through. “Uh, I was interested in where would be best just to play music?”

“You want to busk?” Jaehwan frowns, leaning back on his hand. “Isn’t that… I don’t know, like, kind of bad? For company image or whatever?”

Wonshik shakes his head, laughing softly. He’s glad Jaehwan has his head on his shoulders about this kind of thing but he’s a little bit off the fairway on this. “No, it’s not for me.”

“Well,” Hakyeon says, cracking his knuckles, “you can just rent a space for a few hours and do it wherever. If you’re not dancing then you should probably get somewhere that doesn’t compete with that crowd. Will you sing or rap or… whatever?”

Wonshik gives him a quizzical look but Hakyeon doesn’t take the weirdly explained comment back. “Yeah, might sing or something. But mostly focused on an instrument.”

“Is this about that boy?” Taekwoon adds quietly and Wonshik glares at him. Jaehwan’s eyes widen and the floodgates of questions unloaded as Hakyeon raises his eyebrows, surprised but he doesn’t pester. Jaehwan, however, does.

“Who?!” he very near squeals and within milliseconds, Wonshik’s back is pressed to the floor and Jaehwan is on top of him, shaking him like he’s trying to wake him from a coma. “What’s his name? Why don’t I know about this boy? Does he work here or is he one of your artists?”

“Thanks, hyung,” Wonshik grunts as Jaehwan rattles him by his shirt. Taekwoon doesn’t look fazed by any part of the ordeal, or the fact that Jaehwan has spat on him multiple times. Normally this attention from Jaehwan would make him giddy (Jaehwan is and always will be his one that got away but not with all the creepy fixations that phrase carries. That, and they never dated. Wonshik just crushes on all his friends, everyone knows that) but it just makes him exhausted and he deadweights himself so that Jaehwan will let him go.

“His name is Hongbin,” Wonshik mumbles into the dead silent room and Jaehwan gets off him, only to slap his shoulder when he sits up. “And he’s my boyfriend.”

“Oh, did you make that conclusion yourself?” Taekwoon asks, snobby.

Wonshik lifts an eyebrow at him, giving him a shit eating smile. “I did, actually. Have you told Hakyeon you love him without sucking his-?” Jaehwan slams a hand over his mouth with a gasp and Taekwoon just about hisses at him.

“ _ Kim Wonshik, _ ” Hakyeon hisses, glaring at him. Wonshik mocks him in a higher pitched voice, childish and Jaehwan tries to hide his snort by faking a sneeze. Everyone knows it’s fake and Taekwoon kicks Wonshik in the side, making him yelp and collapse on the floor dramatically.

Hakyeon sighs, smiling as he shakes his head. Taekwoon looks at him, asking for help but Hakyeon just shrugs at him and presses a kiss to his cheek. Taekwoon doesn’t say anything more, his cheeks pinking and he pulls his legs close to himself, muttering to himself.

They pack up and Hakyeon calls them an uber, yawning as he waits outside the company building. Jaehwan tucks himself into Wonshik’s neck, keeping close to him to take his warmth. He whines so Wonshik pulls him closer and he’s in the middle seat when the uber arrives, Hakyeon in the front. Jaehwan cuddles into him and Taekwoon watches out the window as they all eventually part ways for the night.

Wonshik’s phone goes off and Jaehwan spies his background, tapping the screen in reference to his background. “That’s sweet,” he says, both his arms wrapped around Wonshik’s. “Hongbin, his name is? Does he make you happy?”

“Yeah, he makes me really happy,” Wonshik whispers and catches Hakyeon’s smile when he turns his head. 

Wonshik is awake for a while after they separate. He contemplates calling Hongbin but he’s streaming, so Wonshik tunes into it like old times and finds himself smiling like a fool. His facecam is on and he’s focused, eyes wider than usual. His attention is like a laser and he’s talking to himself as he plays, quickly switching between his weapons and grinning when he gets the most amount of kills.

Wonshik sends him a text as he sets himself up for bed, one that reads,  _ Hey, about to sleep. You’re doing well at your stream. Love you _ .

Hongbin glances to the side of his desk on stream, where he usually keeps his phone and smiles slowly at what Wonshik hopes is his text. It’s a waiting room for his game and Hongbin replies within seconds.

_ Sleep well. Love you too. Tell me about your work when you get a chance, I want to listen. _

_ Will do. Talk soon _

Wonshik locks his phone to Hongbin spinning slowly in his chair as he waits for his game to start up again, his phone flashing his lockscreen once and Wonshik turns it off to finally get some rest.

  
  


***

  
  


_ “Meet your friends?” _

Wonshik purses his lips, shrugging to himself like this isn’t that big of a deal. Well, he doesn’t think it is, but Hongbin might. “Yeah. Taekwoon-hyung already knew about you, I guess. And I told my other two hyungs from Jellyfish last week.”

Hongbin doesn’t give him a reply for a few seconds, thinking to himself. Wonshik has to check that he’s actually still on call but he replies.  _ “Okay.” _

Wonshik expected more of a fight so he stutters for a response. “Uh, okay? That was easy, I guess.”

Hongbin snorts.  _ “Did you expect me to freak out and dump you?” _

“Well, I should hope you  _ wouldn’t _ ,” Wonshik retorts, puffing his cheeks out when Hongbin laughs suddenly, soft. “Is it really okay?”

_ “Yeah, I don’t mind. It might be awkward.” _

“No, it probably won’t,” Wonshik chuckles, rubbing his chin. “I’m the youngest in my friend group. We all just tease each other, I’m sure you’ll fit in quick.”

Hongbin agrees, saying that he’ll take any opportunity to make fun of Wonshik even though that’s not entirely what he meant but at least he’s on board. They haven’t been able to speak to each other a lot lately and have opted to call whenever they can and Wonshik likes the nights like this, when he can tell Hongbin how he’s been and what he’s been doing for his promotions instead of announcing it on whatever social media and hoping Hongbin sees it. 

He likes to have conversations and it makes Wonshik miss Hongbin more when he messages and has to go and Hongbin replies later, just missing the chance to talk. It’s nice to send Hongbin updates when he can but he likes it more when they can catch up in real time and not whenever either one of them is free to read their messages.

Hongbin has been trying to find a studio that he can rent out to do his streams and he tells Wonshik the details of it. He needs a team of sorts and that way, he can run his Youtube channel a little better with more consistent uploads instead of recording his streams and uploading them as whole hour videos. He’s found a few people online that he’s interested in spending more time with and Wonshik tells him to go for it if he thinks it will be a good investment.

_ “I hope it works out the way I want it to,”  _ Hongbin says quietly, a little hopeful and Wonshik smiles softly.

“It will, because you’re doing it.”

_ “You’re cheesy.” _

“Yeah, a little.” Wonshik sniffs, checking the time and he hates to but he should go to bed. Hongbin should too but they both know that he won’t, not for a while. But he offers to stay on the phone with Wonshik until he falls asleep. It’s domestic and a little bit too cheesy, even for Wonshik’s tastes but it makes him feel safe, like Hongbin is really with him when reality is so much harsher than their little world together.

“We can get away soon,” Wonshik mumbles, when he’s lying on his side, his phone on loudspeaker. “Where do you want to go?”

_ “Where do you want to go?”  _ Hongbin evades.

“Anywhere you want to.”

He grins when Hongbin gives a huff in reply.  _ “Well, overseas or local? Local would be better because I don’t want to spend a lot all at once trying to get flights to Japan or something.” _

“My Japanese isn’t good,” Wonshik admits, grateful for the suggestion of local. “I don’t know. Don’t say Jeju.”

_ “What do you have against Jeju?” _

“I’ve been there so many times.”

_ “I haven’t. But if you really want to get away, we could go to Gwangju? Or Busan. Or Changwon?” _

“My hyung is from Changwon…” Wonshik slurs, yawning for a moment. “That might be really nice. I want… calm.”

_ “Okay. I’ll look some things up and see what I like and let you know.”  _ Hongbin chuckles to him, humming softly. Wonshik almost falls asleep right then and there with that soft sound.  _ “Go to sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” _

“Okay.” Wonshik sighs, closing his eyes finally. “I’ll message you. I love you.”

_ “I love you, too.”  _ Hongbin snorts, letting out an awkward sigh but Wonshik is glad that he says it in return, even if he hates it a little.  _ “Goodnight. I’ll stay on for a little while.” _

Wonshik doesn’t reply, already falling asleep and he hums in his sleep, leaving Hongbin to his late night devices as usual as he hopes he’ll dream of something nice. Preferably Hongbin and food. That’d be nice.

  
  


***

Meeting Wonshik’s friends makes him want to vomit.

Hongbin doesn’t get nervous easily. Sure, he has the tendency to overthink and stress himself out sometimes but he’s usually level headed and calm when it comes to big projects. So long as he can plan and adapt to possible outcomes, he’ll get along with anyone if he wants to.

It’s not that Wonshik’s friends aren’t nice people. They  _ are _ , because why the hell else would Wonshik be friends with them? But Hongbin has no idea who any of them are besides their stage personas. He’s mostly scared of Hakyeon, since Wonshik has made him out to be an all seeing god but respected and Hongbin feels his stomach churn uncomfortably at the description.

“Seriously, don’t worry,” Wonshik says when they’re in the car, heading to Jaehwan’s -  _ Ken’s _ \- place for dinner. “They’ll love you. How could they not?”

“Yeah,” Hongbin mumbles, squeezing Wonshik’s hand that’s on his thigh. “How could they not…”

Wonshik senses his discomfort but doesn’t comment, leaving it alone for now. Hongbin feels like there’s a black hole in his stomach. Wonshik treats his friends like family; is this his roundabout way of introducing Hongbin to his parents? He’s called Hakyeon his mother before as a joke… And Taekwoon apparently works well with kids. What the fuck? Hongbin is spiralling. Is it too late to ask Wonshik to pull over so he can heave his guts onto the pavement?

This is the first time in almost three weeks that he and Wonshik have been able to see each other. Wonshik had a free night and decided to do this now and Hongbin agreed. After this little meetup, Wonshik is staying over and Hongbin can finally get some sleep without using up all his phone credit. Not that he minds. He just likes Wonshik better next to him than through a phone speaker. Especially after his trip to America. God, Hongbin does not want to relive that again.

“Look at me,” Wonshik says when they’re parked in Jaehwan’s apartment complex carpark. They’re underground and there’s nothing to catch them out on anything and Wonshik knows this, taking Hongbin’s hands in his own. “Come on, it’s fine, I promise. What are you nervous about?”

Hongbin takes a breath, quickly shoving his glasses up his nose and holding Wonshik’s fingers tightly. He tries to find the words but he can’t, growing frustrated in himself but Wonshik’s hand on his cheeks stops him from cursing himself out excessively.

“I’m scared,” he suddenly admits and Wonshik looks surprised, like this isn’t obvious. But Hongbin supposes that being nervous and  _ scared _ are two different things. “You… They love you, like family. What if they don’t like me? I’m not in this world, I don’t really understand-”

“Bin, that’s why I  _ like _ you,” Wonshik urges, giving him a small smile. “You don’t have to understand half the shit I complain about but you listen to me. If they don’t like you, then that’s their issue. I love you, and that’s that.”

“Well, obviously, but… They’re family?” Hongbin’s statement comes out awkward and Wonshik chuckles, cupping his face. It’s a little weird in the car with the console between them but Wonshik leans forward, pressing his forehead against Hongbin’s, comforting and secure.

“They are,” Wonshik admits softly. “And I know they’ll love you. Hakyeon-hyung can’t resist babying anyone and he’s going to love you, I promise. Jaehwan, too. Taekwoon’s a little weird but you get used to it.”

“Not helpful,” Hongbin whispers but relaxes when Wonshik presses a chaste kiss to his lips. 

“Trust me,” he whispers and Hongbin nods, drawing away to finally step out of the car. Wonshik doesn’t seem to care when he holds out his hand, even though the cameras are definitely rolling in the lobby. Jaehwan’s apartment building is expensive, nothing like Hongbin’s dodgy one and there’s most likely someone watching but he supposes there’s something innocent about them holding hands, nothing that would strictly damage Wonshik’s image or Hongbin’s.

Wonshik doesn’t say anything more to him, squeezing his hand in silence as he opens the door and someone is all over Wonshik the moment he walks in, startling Hongbin. He drops his hand so Wonshik can catch the man that jumps into his arms and Hongbin recognises him as Ken, meaning he’s Jaehwan.

“I thought you ditched!” Jaehwan exclaims, cuddling into Wonshik and Hongbin feels a foreign pang in his stomach that is definitely not nerves.

But Jaehwan draws away and latches onto Hongbin suddenly and he almost falls on his ass. Jaehwan is a full grown man and Hongbin is quick to hold him around the waist, patting his back awkwardly. Wonshik doesn’t help him, instead just grins at him and Hongbin manages a smile for Jaehwan when he pulls away and cups his cheeks.

“Oh, you’re about as cute as I figured you’d be,” he says, smiling ear to ear. “I only saw Wonshik’s phone screen. You’re a real looker!”

Hongbin just laughs, too stunned to act humble or shy and Wonshik is smug from where he’s standing, pleased with the turn of events.

“I’m Jaehwan,” he says in a quieter tone, offering his hand. “Ken. But call me Jaehwan. We don’t talk about work here.”

“Hongbin,” he answers, taking Jaehwan’s hand firmly. Wonshik rolls his eyes, muttering that work is seriously all they ever talk about because Jaehwan complains too much. Jaehwan presses a finger to his lips, wrapping an arm around Hongbin’s shoulders to pull him into the living room. At least Jaehwan seems to like him.

“Hyungs, that’s Hongbin, my boyfriend,” Wonshik introduces quickly to two men, one of which is Leo, making the other one the infamous Hakyeon. “Hongbin, Taekwoon and Hakyeon-hyung. Leo and N.”

Taekwoon stands up to shake Hongbin’s hand while Hakyeon just waves, smiling sweetly. It’s not a big deal, no one else is nervous and Hongbin lets out a breath as he shakes Taekwoon’s hand, commenting that it’s nice to finally meet him. Taekwoon looks a little sharp but his face is soft and welcoming, especially when Hakyeon feeds him a piece of beef from their assortment of takeout on the floor. 

Jaehwan throws himself to the floor quickly and returns to his food, handing Wonshik and Hongbin plates and tells them to dig in, his cheeks already well on their way to being full.

“What do you do for work?” Hakyeon asks after a while, his gaze innocent and Hongbin glances at Wonshik but his boyfriend doesn’t direct him. He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so shy about his profession but he swallows his pride and tells Hakyeon.

“I stream online, and work with gaming companies and such.” Hakyeon smiles, nodding along, letting him talk. “It’s nice. I work from home but I stream a lot, so my schedules can be a little bit hectic.”

“Is it an everyday thing?” Hakyeon returns, interested.

“Three times a week,” Hongbin answers, smiling. “Or, whenever I want to do an extra one. But I usually stream all night so I attract a lot of international viewers overnight.”

“You must be pretty good then.” Hakyeon sounds strangely proud and Wonshik takes that as his opportunity to jump in and brag about how well Hongbin does in toruments that mean absolutely nothing to the three of them, Wonshik included but he still talks Hongbin up and shows him off like he understands half the terms he’s saying.

_ He’s actually doing a good job _ , Hongbin notes when Wonshik uses  _ noscope _ correctly and it makes him proud in the weirdest way. Wonshik watching his streams is one thing, but him actually paying attention to what he does and the games he plays is somehow sweeter, even if it seems a little tacky. They don’t share the hobby, Hongbin’s profession, but Wonshik can still talk about him and make it sound boastful.

“Jaehwanie sucks at Mario Kart,” Taekwoon says, the first thing he’s said all night and Jaehwan chokes on his drink, his hand flying up to catch what doesn’t make it into his mouth.

“I got better!” he defends but Taekwoon grimaces, looking like he just swallowed a lemon.

“Then let’s see,” Hongbin challenges, surprising himself. Wonshik laughs, ducking his head to his chest and Jaehwan’s nostrils flare, his eyes wide.

“Let’s see!”

Hakyeon ends up cuddling a sore loser of a Jaehwan while Hongbin plays against Taekwoon, beating him for the third time. Wonshik decides to help him out and they get pretty close to winning, switching between each other but Hongbin takes the lead at the last second, like he was waiting for the perfect moment.

“You’re a cheater,” Jaehwan whines as the controller gets handed to Hakyeon for his fair go. “He’s a cheater! Hyung, don’t play with him. Protect your honour.”

“I have to protect yours, since you went and lost six times in a row,” Hakyeon retorts, squinting at the controller as he tries to get the commands right. He gets them down quickly and Hongbin starts the race, his tongue between his lips in concentration.

Wonshik sits behind him halfway through, pulling him into his lap so he can rest his chin on his shoulder. Taekwoon blinks at them and Hongbin knows Wonshik is grinning like a fool in his ear but he’s way too focused because Hakyeon is  _ in front of him _ . How is he so good at Princess Peach?

“Wonshik,” Hakyeon calls, his own eyes focused on the screen. “Call him something dirty. Maybe he’ll fuck up.”

“You’re the one winning, you clown,” Hongbin snaps back, unashamed in his competitiveness. “Wonshik, if you call me a whore, I will crush your dick.”

“That was not what I was going to call you, but I’ll remember that.” Wonshik doesn’t say anything dirty in his ear and Hakyeon wins, landing Hongbin in second and he collapses back into Wonshik’s chest, disappointed. He can’t be mad, not when it was such a close match and his first loss of the night. It brings him back down to earth but Jaehwan parades Hakyeon’s win like it’s his own.

“Fair go,” Wonshik says, circling his arms around Hongbin’s waist. 

Hongbin chuckles, licking his lips. He takes a deep breath and Wonshik kisses his cheek when no one can see, away from their eyes. Not that it matters. Taekwoon is getting himself a drink while Hakyeon and Jaehwan jump around and scream about nothing. Well, Jaehwan screams. Hakyeon just indulges him.

“Feeling okay?” Wonshik asks softly and Hongbin nods, smiling at him.

“I like them,” he admits. Wonshik’s grin almost splits his face in two. “They’re good.”

“When they want to be.”

There’s an easy atmosphere that they create around themselves. No one minds and no one is focused on anything out of the ordinary. Taekwoon can ease himself into Hakyeon’s side and hold him close while Hakyeon talks about something one of his dancers did in his class yesterday. Jaehwan can lay his head on Wonshik’s thigh, not moving even when Wonshik kisses Hongbin’s cheek when he sits down after grabbing a drink from Jaehwan’s fridge. They’re all friends having a relaxing night together, basking in each other’s energy and enjoying what they have right now. There’s no pressing worries and Hongbin loves it.

He lands himself with Jaehwan’s number by the end of the night and a place in a group chat that Jaehwan created. He adds Hakyeon and Taekwoon’s phone numbers and immediately mutes the conversation once he’s in Wonshik’s car. They’re nice people and he’ll unmute it later, but he definitely has other plans when he kisses Wonshik in his elevator, glad that the cameras don’t fucking work because he wouldn’t have been able to get to his apartment without  _ something _ .

“Okay-” Wonshik says against his lips when Hongbin manages to unlock his door without pulling away from him. “And this is for?”

“Do I need a reason?” This was a lot more fun when they’re weren’t talking and Wonshik apparently agrees with him, shrugging and kissing him, his hands on his jaw. Hongbin loses all shame when his hands wander and Wonshik suddenly snorts, turning his head to properly laugh.

“What?” Hongbin says, breathless. He’s laughing too because he can never help himself when he’s around Wonshik’s infectious energy.

Wonshik lets his giggles die down, smoothing his hands over Hongbin’s shoulders to distract them. “Isn't it that you always want what you don’t have?”

Hongbin frowns before he realises and tries to pull away from Wonshik, mockingly annoyed. Wonshik pulls him back and kisses him firmly, smiling against his lips. “I’m sorry,” he whispers but they both know he’s quite far from it.

“Complain about my ass again and I’ll leave you to yourself tonight.”

“Not a complaint.” Wonshik grins at him, his eyes alight in the low light of the night that makes it through Hongbin’s windows. “Just an observation. I guess love really does trump all.”

“Yeah,” Hongbin mutters against his lips. “Keep going and your right hand is about to become your boyfriend for the night.”

“Love you,” Wonshik manages, grasping at straws. Hongbin presses a kiss to his jaw and returns it quietly, hiding his smile in Wonshik’s shoulder when his boyfriend laughs quietly, proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello ^^ enjoy pure fluff


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello, happy new year starlights <3

When Wonshik finally decides he wants to go to Changwon, he plans everything and doesn't tell Hongbin. It’s unsurprising; Wonshik usually forgets to actually articulate what he's thinking to people so Hongbin doesn't think much of it. So long as they have somewhere to stay and food, he couldn't care less about what they do for their little getaway.

Is running away with your boyfriend a normal thing to do? Well, they're not actually running away, just escaping the city for a little while. But Hongbin can't help but think of this as a somewhat big deal, even though it’s not. They've been dating for a few months now, already said I love you and told their friends about each other. That's pretty serious already, right?

_ Come downstairs. First floor car park,  _ Wonshik texts him and Hongbin collects his things slowly. God, why is he acting like he's never going to see this place again? He's not being  _ kidnapped _ .

When he does eventually make it downstairs, he pauses in the garage for a moment before his face drops at the car Wonshik has managed to acquire. 

“It’s like you want to get robbed,” Hongbin deadpans as Wonshik leans against the hood of a fucking lambogini. “Is that what you want? I can rob you if you want.” He eyes the polished vehicle and laughs dryly. "Seriously. Any straight guy would lose their mind at this rig."

“You’d be robbing Jaehwan,” Wonshik grins, opening the door for Hongbin like the true gentlemen he isn't. “He let me borrow his car.”

“You do realise that you don't have to impress me anymore, right?” Hongbin says as Wonshik takes his duffle bag from him. “That ship sailed a while ago and I’m still dating you.”

“Can't I treat you nice without you thinking it’s weird?” Wonshik swings himself into the driver’s seat and Hongbin is glad that he doesn't mind driving them around because Hongbin seriously doubts he’ll ever get over his fear of driving if this was his car. He’d be too afraid to break it.

“This is nice enough,” Hongbin says quietly, watching Wonshik confidently pull out of the garage and onto the street. “Going away with you.”

“Good, because I’m going to spoil you and you're going to enjoy it,” Wonshik replies, letting go of the gearstick to rest his hand on Hongbin’s thigh like he always does when he drives. Hongbin watches his hand for a moment before placing his own over it, lacing his fingers through Wonshik’s comfortably. 

Wonshik smiles, eyes on the road and drives, even when Hongbin goes silent and fiddles with his phone to play some music for them to bask in. They don’t speak much and Hongbin doesn’t ask where exactly they’re going. Wonshik didn’t tell him much aside from the fact that everything has been booked and taken care of. He paid the accommodation and Hongbin has been pestering him about paying him back.

“Believe me, it’s fine,” Wonshik says when he brings it up in the car, smiling. His cheeks bunch up a little underneath his sunglasses. The sun is beginning to set and it bathes Wonshik in a golden light, making his skin glow. He looks ethereal and gorgeous. Hongbin is almost mad he can’t kiss him.

“I don’t want to leech off you,” Hongbin says quietly, playing with Wonshik’s fingers that he has access to. “Just because you can afford it doesn’t mean you should spend it all on me. You already bought me a microphone… and all those dinners.”

Wonshik chuckles to himself, squeezing his hand. “Trust me, it’s okay. Maybe buy me dinner tonight.”

“I’m buying food for this whole trip,” Hongbin replies, definite. Wonshik doesn’t reply, just raises his eyebrows and lets Hongbin take that win. They don’t need to have a serious fight about it, it’s just money and it doesn’t matter all that much. Hongbin can make it up to Wonshik in a lot of ways aside from paying him back.

“Tell me what you want and I’ll order it.” Hongbin unlocks his phone, avoiding Wonshik’s offer of using his phone because that will just make him pay for it since his account is connected to his ordering app. Hongbin squints at him and Wonshik smiles, unabashed at how shamelessly he just tried to trick him.

“Maybe Japanese would be good? I’m kind of in the mood for seafood, actually.”

“Then I’ll order it when we get there. Or do you want to go out to eat?”

Wonshik shrugs. “If you want to go out, we can go out, but we have all week.”

“Let’s stay in tonight, then.”

The drive passes relatively quickly, the four hours seemingly disappearing into nothing. When they get to the hotel, Hongbin glares at Wonshik upon seeing how  _ expensive _ this is. It’s a lot nicer than a hotel that Hongbin would have ever picked out and Wonshik grins at him, swinging Jaehwan’s keys around his finger. Private parking too, that Wonshik most definitely paid extra for. 

Hongbin takes a breath, pulling himself out of the car and swinging his duffle bag over his shoulder. Wonshik pulls out his own bag from the backseat and locks up the car, pocketing the keys. He swings an arm over Hongbin’s shoulder as they walk into the lobby and Wonshik pulls out a mask from his pocket, pulling it up to cover his face. 

They check in, Hongbin hanging back at the elevators before Wonshik nods to him, calling for it. They’re not alone in the elevator, but Wonshik’s arm still stays over his shoulder and Hongbin holds onto his wrist, dragging him out of the elevator when they reach the sixth floor. 

The room is what you’d expect: massive as hell and Hongbin swallows. Wonshik throws himself onto the bed immediately (which is king sized, keep in mind) and grins at Hongbin, shoving his hands behind his head and relaxing into the obnoxious amount of pillows. The bathroom is spacious, there’s a television and a mini bar. 

“Stop overthinking,” Wonshik calls, beckoning him to the bed and he wraps his arms and legs around Hongbin’s body, letting them both collapse onto the bed together. There’s no hope of Hongbin standing up unless he wants to take Wonshik with him so he accepts his fate. Wonshik is quite comfortable so he’s not too fussed.

“Thank you,” Hongbin says instead of anything else. Wonshik won’t take his money so he can at least be grateful for it in return, letting him know that he really appreciates it. “Let’s have a good time together.”

“For a long time,” Wonshik replies, smile evident in his voice. “Let’s order some food and see how we go. I want to check out the gym.”

Hongbin grunts in simple agreement. Of course Wonshik would want to check out the gym. But he can do that while Hongbin waits for the food to come up. He’s allowed to sit up and he orders food on top of Wonshik’s chest, with the CEO’s legs still wrapped around his waist. It’s barely comfortable but neither of them complain or try to move, literally wrapped up in each other. Wonshik doesn’t end up leaving, too content to keep himself close to Hongbin. But when their carrier rings Hongbin, he’s up and slipping Hongbin’s slides on to go receive their feast.

They eat in mostly silence, sometimes feeding each other since their orders are different. Hongbin doesn’t eat much seafood like this so he’s curious and Wonshik is too nice to refuse him much of anything. Their night is comforting, a little slow after the long drive but Hongbin reads while Wonshik drags himself to the upstairs gym with a kiss goodbye. 

Hongbin takes a breath once he’s gone, stilling his finger in his book to keep the page. He closes his eyes for a few moments, reveling in the fact that he’s literally in Changwon in a way too expensive hotel with his boyfriend. Even just saying boyfriend gives him the chills, he’s never done anything like this before but Wonshik could ask him to jump off a cliff and he’d probably ask how fast he wants him to run to get a headstart.

_ Is that crazy?  _ he thinks timidly, a little scared of his feelings but as weird as that might be for him to confess, he has quite a strong feeling that Wonshik is quite similar. Well, he hopes his thoughts are right but then again, he doesn’t find himself having much self-doubt over that.

He’s staring at the wall, he knows, but his thoughts run wild at the worst times and he can’t help it. Hongbin from last year was terrified to let himself like anyone and frankly didn’t have time for dating. Hongbin from last year didn’t speak to his brother. Hongbin from last year didn;t know who Ravi was and now present Hongbin is dating him. What the fuck?

“Hongbin,” Wonshik’s voice says and he blinks, looking up at him with wide eyes. Wonshik raises his eyebrows at him, concerned and Hongbin looks around, a little spaced out.

“I thought you went to see the gym?” he asks and Wonshik smiles softly, bending down to his eye level. “Did you forget something?”

“No, I’ve been gone for an hour.” Wonshik runs his fingers through Hongbin’s bangs and they come back without hesitation, soft and silky. Wonshik smiles at him. “Thinking a little bit, huh?”

Hongbin nods, licking his lips. Had it really been that long? He didn’t really get that far in his thoughts, though… “A little. Are we moving too fast?” he blurts and Wonshik blinks at him, surprised. But it wasn’t the reply he really wanted, not when Wonshik’s eyes cloud over with  _ something _ and Hongbin realises that with a drop in his stomach that it’s fear.

“That’s not what I meant,” Hongbin says quickly, taking Wonshik’s hand to reassure him. “I meant, like… I was just thinking about everything, how we met and stuff. Like, last year I didn’t even know who you were. Hell, nine months ago I didn’t know you.”

“I didn’t know you either,” Wonshik says quietly. “It’s not different for me because I’m famous or whatever the fuck.”

“No, it’s not that.” Hongbin smiles at him, squeezing his hand. “We became friends in… What, April? And it’s November now.”

“Well, to be fair, we used to see each other almost every day and I was basically living at your place on my free days.”

“And you met my brother when we first started dating.” Hongbin can’t help but grin at that and Wonshik smiles too, his eyes lighting up a little. “I guess I was just thinking about how quickly everything fell into place? Not that it’s going fast, because it doesn’t feel that way… But how much time has passed, I suppose.”

Wonshik pulls him up from his chair after moving his book, hand still in his. “But it’s okay, right? Nothing is rushed?”

Hongbin meets his eyes, the fear still present and kisses Wonshik softly, his hand on his cheek. He hopes it conveys that no, Wonshik could never pressure him, that this is exactly what he wants and needs, exactly what he wants for a long time. If Wonshik wants him, then he’ll have Hongbin without a second thought. There’s no way he could ever tell him that but Wonshik kisses him back with the same amount of gentleness, his shoulders releasing their tension immediately. Hongbin thinks he can tell what he means for now.

“Come with me,” Wonshik whispers against his mouth and Hongbin nods, letting Wonshik tug him along. He doesn’t even have to convince Hongbin; he just follows him and ends up in the pool area, Wonshik still wearing his slippers. 

“I’m not going in,” Hongbin says quickly but that’s not enough for Wonshik.

“You’re going in,” he says and Hongbin struggles, he really does, but Wonshik falls in with his hand grasping Hongbin’s wrist and that’s game over for them.

It’s hard to swim with his shirt on and Wonshik takes his off as well, slapping it onto the tiles and Hongbin shakes his head at him, letting Wonshik wrap his arms around his neck and pull him closer.

“If you pull me any further, I’m going to drown you,” Hongbin breathes, trying to keep his feet on the floor of the pool as Wonshik leans back, wrapping his legs around his waist. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” Wonshik laughs, his eyes catching the pale lighting of the pool. There’s no one around, it’s quite close to one in the morning and Wonshik pulls away to dunk his head under water to push it out of his face. Hongbin meets him when he comes back up and kisses him when Wonshik asks, earning a smile from him. 

Wonshik swims away from him and Hongbin stays on the stairs of the pool, sitting on his hands. Wonshik stays by himself for a little while but Hongbin joins him later. Their clothes are full of water, their hair dripping into their eyes but it’s not a bother to them, not when Hongbin is on the ledge of the pool a while later, Wonshik swimming up to him and settling between his legs. He leans his arms on Hongbin’s thighs and he rakes his long wet hair back, giving him a small smile.

“Thank you for coming with me,” Wonshik say quietly, his eyes full of stars. “I thought you might have said no. I’m glad you didn’t.”

“I’ll go anywhere with you,” Hongbin says honestly, surprising himself. He blinks, his cheeks flushing immediately but his embarrassment is completely worth the smile that Wonshik gives him. It gives him new confidence and even though he hates to say it sometimes, he wants to say it now, wants to say it first. “I love you.”

Wonshik licks his lips to try and hide his smile but it’s obvious how happy he is. “I love you.” He pokes his tongue in his cheek, glances away before nonchalantly saying, “Hey, do you think you’ll get married?”

“What the fuck?” Hongbin spits, laughing and Wonshik laughs too, apologising softly for his sudden comment.

“I’ve just been thinking, I guess,” he admits. “Taekwoon-hyung was talking about it so it’s just in my head. Like, when exactly is the right age to get married?”

“Not until you’re at least thirty,” Hongbin says, definite. “Don’t you want to really build up your career and find someone that you really connect with or something? If you get married too young, you might regret it.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why I asked the romantic of our generation about marriage,” Wonshik deadpans, letting Hongbin kiss his jaw when he lifts himself up. “I hope Taekwoon-hyung will get married. His dream is to be a dad. Like, not even being a singer. He just wants kids, honestly.”

Hongbin sniffs, thinking to himself. “I don’t know if I’d want kids. And what’s this talk about marriage? Are you going to propose to me?”

“You dare me to?” Wonshik fires back, raising his eyebrows. “‘Cause I’ll do it.”

Hongbin pulls away, taking Wonshik with him into the pool again and shakes his head. “You’re a dumbass. Ask me in a few years and we’ll see how it goes.” Wonshik rolls his eyes and neither of them comment on the way that it makes them feel to have Hongbin say that. A future together sounds pretty damn good, honestly. 

Hongbin ducks under the water before Wonshik can say anything, his hand still in his and Wonshik follows. Hongbin’s hair flows out, as does Wonshik’s and Hongbin pulls him forward by his hand, their weights skewed in the suspension. Wonshik follows, he always does and Hongbin kisses him where no one can see, smiling against his lips. It feels like a dream with Wonshik and that used to scare him more than anything but it’s their own little world and he hopes Wonshik finds the same comfort in him.

Hongbin is the first to come up for air because he doesn’t have the training that Wonshik does in breathing control but it’s not like Wonshik leaves him with much room to recover when he’s above the water again and kissing him breathless.

"Upstairs?" Hongbin asks and Wonshik grins against his lips, mumbling a  _ yes sir _ , tightening his grip on Hongbin's hips.

  
  


***

  
  


Wonshik likes his accessories. He can pull off anything, it seems and Hongbin likes the feeling of his rings when Wonshik holds his hands. It’s cooling on his skin and Wonshik always-  _ always _ \- has rings on or a necklace. 

Hongbin has been shopping with Wonshik a few times but him shopping for accessories is a whole other thing. He doesn’t speak, silently asking for Hongbin’s opinion as the store attendants wait for his verdict. 

“It’s nice,” Hongbin shrugs, looking at a gold ring. It has some engravings, simple patterns and it’s bigger than a normal ring but Hongbin really doesn’t see much in it that he finds appealing. He doesn’t wear accessories and he very rarely wears a watch. But there’s a ring in the case that he points to, asking to see it.

It’s a little expensive but Hongbin likes it more than the other. It’s silver, three rings in a spiral of each other and it fits nicely on Wonshik’s middle finger. Hongbin smiles at it, telling the attendant that they’re ready to go with this one and she takes it from Wonshik to put it into a box and pack it for them.

“I make one comment about getting married,” Wonshik mumbles, his cheeks a little pink but Hongbin smiles at him.

“You’re weird when you shop,” he tells him, leaning lightly on the glass cabinet. “You didn’t talk that whole time. You wouldn’t have picked something if I didn’t say anything.” Wonshik opens his mouth but Hongbin shoves his hand against his mouth. “I’m paying for it.”

“It’s not even a-” Wonshik tries again but Hongbin raises his eyebrows in warning and he immediately shuts up. There’s no debate in this and Hongbin takes the bag from the attendant when she returns, paying quickly and bidding her farewell with a smile. 

It’s back at the hotel room, the night before they leave that Hongbin lets Wonshik slip the ring onto his finger in the bathroom as they get ready to leave. Hongbin booked them a table at a random restaurant down the street and Wonshik meets him in the hallway, holding his face and making Hongbin look at him with wide eyes. The CEO just smiles at him and presses a kiss to his lips and Hongbin can feel the ring against his cheek, cooling and surprisingly comforting.

“Let’s go,” he whispers and Hongbin snorts, pushing him out the door with a shake of his head. “Is this a promise ring or something?”

“Yeah, it’s to return the amount of times you donated to my stream just to talk to me,” Hongbin deadpans, leaning against the wall of the elevator when the doors open. Wonshik nudges him with his shoulder, grinning like a fool even though he’s the one well on his way to bankruptcy if he keeps giving Hongbin money and Hongbin sighs, unable to fight the exasperated smile on his face.

Wonshik needs to drive home the next day and he doesn’t plan on being hungover for that so he doesn’t drink. Hongbin has a few just to feel buzzed and he can’t stop smiling to himself. He hums to whatever Wonshik says and laughs when Wonshik realises he’s not really listening.

"If our honeymoon isn't as nice as this, someone's getting sued," Hongbin says suddenly and he cringes at his words.

"Buy me dinner first," Wonshik laughs, fiddling with the ring on his finger, gazing with fondness. "Ah, that's what you're doing right now, isn't it?"

Hongbin laughs suddenly, turning it into a snort when a lady glares at him. He nods, reaching out to hold Wonshik's hand for a moment before pulling away to grasp his drink, raising it to his lips. "Cheers to Changwon."

Wonshik rolls his eyes and his ring glitters on the glass of water he lifts to toast to Hongbin's. He smiles when the glasses clink together. "Cheers to Changwon."

When Hongbin lays down for their last night, Wonshik makes sure to leave him something to remember. There's marks on his neck and thighs by the time Wonshik comes back up to kiss him, a bitter taste on his tongue that Hongbin laughs at, sticking his tongue out in disgust. Wonshik doesn't seem bothered by it, not when Hongbin's chest has yet to have his attention. But Hongbin does right back to him, leaving a hickey right under his jaw that will be a bitch to cover. It makes him proud to see it and in the morning, when Wonshik puts all his jewelry back on, the mark is dark and beautiful against his bronzed skin.

His boyfriend glances at himself in the mirror before slipping his rings back on, leaving Hongbin's last and Hongbin holds him from behind, around his waist when he slips it on, grinning at him before kissing the tops of his shoulders, admiring the muscles.

"Thank you," Hongbin whispers and Wonshik squeezes his hand, smiling. 

"Love you."

Hongbin hides his smile in Wonshik's shoulder and finally thinks he's happy.

  
  


***

Coming back from Changwon feels unreal. Hongbin sleeps the whole way and adjusting back to life in Seoul feels like a fever dream. He goes back to streaming on schedule, asking Wonshik to keep his adventures  _ below _ his collar so he doesn't have to wear turtlenecks in the middle of spring.

Speaking of the seasons, winter is on the rise and with it, the new year is coming. It’s odd to think about what has changed in the last few months alone. Wonshik coming into his life created a snowball effect and Hongbin likes how they work together. His friends are funny too and accepting of them. 

“What’s your schedule?” Hongbin asks the same night they come back, in Wonshik’s apartment. He isn’t sure if Wonshik has any plans of a comeback soon and Hongbin needs to know so he can mentally prepare himself for a whiny and clingy Wonshik that he likes so much. 

“Not until the new year,” Wonshik says before sighing. “Actually, I have a few concerts with my company. But it’s only November now, so it’ll just be preparations for now.”

Hongbin nods and takes his mug from Wonshik when he brings it to him, a steaming hot serve of simple black tea. It’s too late for coffee even though they came home in the early afternoon. Hongbin muted his phone when he stepped in and Wonshik soon followed even though he probably needs to be contacted quite a lot to keep things in order, what with being a CEO and all that.

“Why are you asking?” Wonshik says quietly as he sits down, crossing his legs elegantly. It’s almost annoying how perfect he is, and how it just makes Hongbin fall for him more.

“So I can know when to avoid you and your grabby hands,” Hongbin smiles innocently, hissing when Wonshik pinches him. But his hand smoothes over Hongbin’s thigh and it’s comfortable, like a moment frozen in time between them. Tomorrow isn’t in an hour’s time, not when they have this between them.

“Put something on,” Hongbin asks quietly, drawing his legs close to himself. “I’ll stay here tonight.”

Wonshik doesn’t say anything but his smile says a thousand words. As does his touch when he puts on a random movie he downloaded years ago. Hongbin doesn’t recognise it but he doesn’t have to. Wonshik’s head in his lap is better than anything else in this world.

If you had told Hongbin at the start of the year he’d been sitting in someone else’s apartment with their head in his lap after coming home from something akin to a honeymoon, he would have laughed and probably punched you. But now that it’s here, that Wonshik is in his arms, asleep with his head tucked under Hongbin’s chin, it’s almost unbelievable. Hongbin rarely dates but that all went out the window when Wonshik showed up.

And now, quite frankly, he’s in love. Which is scary in itself because Hongbin doesn’t just fall in love. He doesn’t catch feelings easily and hasn’t had a girlfriend since middle school, let alone a  _ boyfriend _ . Difficult to comprehend but not impossible and he doesn’t want it to be a distant reality that he can’t live, not when Wonshik is everything he could have hoped for. Somewhere, somehow, they found each other and Hongbin buries his nose in Wonshik’s hair, keeping his close as his thoughts create a tornado of memories and feelings in his mind.

“I love you,” Hongbin whispers and he smiles when Wonshik shifts in his sleep, cuddling into Hongbin further and everything is perfect in this moment.

  
  


***

Once back home, they must go back to work.

Wonshik tries not to fall off the grid when his workload piles up. His productivity kicks back into gear and it becomes a cycle of waking up, going to work, eating in the studio, going to the gym and sleeping again. The life of Ravi overcomes him and he tries not to let it get to him but it’s hard, when it takes up all his time.

But he calls Hongbin when he can, texts him when he’s going to bed. Usually, he’s streaming and Wonshik has watched him stream while at the gym, walking on the treadmill for some easy cardio as his boyfriend squeals in reply to a frustrating game. It’s disgusting because it makes him fall for him even more, his stupid antics making Wonshik smile and chuckle.

Taekwoon visits him in the studio sometimes as they try to scrape something together for a comeback they haven’t been confirmed for but it’s fun to spend some time with him, after being so busy with their own lives for so long.

“How is Hongbin?” Taekwoon asks softly, such a parallel to their first conversation about Hongbin. But he means well, Taekwoon has always meant well when it comes to asking personal things. Half the time, he feels like a father to Wonshik more than a best friend but it’s assuming.

“He’s good,” Wonshik answers, smiling to himself at just the mere mention of his boyfriend. When did he become so domestic? Should he be concerned? “I love him, hyung.”

“Changwon was good, then,” Taekwoon chuckles, rubbing Wonshik’s shoulder. “I’m glad. It’s good to see you growing up.”

“You sound like my dad.” Wonshik tries to blow it off as he clicks around on his computer but Taekwoon smacks his neck and frowns at him, offended. He tries to grab the back of Wonshik’s neck but Wonshik is a lot stronger than him so he doesn’t get very far.

Working together is just like old times but Wonshik can recognise when Taekwoon starts to get peeved. He doesn’t feel like fighting tonight so he pulls Taekwoon out of the booth after a few hours, letting him sit down and rest for a little bit while he messes with what they have on his computer.

“It’s your birthday soon,” Wonshik says after a while, breaking the silence between them. “What are we doing?”

“‘We’?” Taekwoon echoes, looking up from his phone at him. “Do you want to spend it with me?”

Wonshik snorts and glances over his shoulder at him, a smirk on his face. “I didn’t say that.” He gets a smack to the back of his head for that comment but he shrugs it off, shaking out of his hair. “I’d like to. Do you want to do anything?”

“Dinner at mine,” Taekwoon answers immediately. He’s been thinking about it, obviously, and it makes Wonshik smile. Taekwoon doesn’t mind partying and such but he loves to spend time with people without the drinking and the festivities. It’s his twenty-ninth and it’s not only Wonshik who thinks he’s getting a little too old to be spending all night partying only to come home and not remember anything. Not that there’s an age limit on that. Well, maybe there should be but that’s none of Wonshik’s business.

“Hakyeon-hyung can cook for you,” Wonshik laughs, not bothering to offer his help. Taekwoon and Hakyeon are the only ones in his friend group that know how to cook so there’s no point in Wonshik trying to assist in the kitchen when he’ll just be told to back off.

Taekwoon smiles, happy with the suggestion and Wonshik is happy to see that. Taekwoon can be easy to please when he doesn’t want to be difficult and one of the things that allows him to be content is other people cooking for him.

“Okay,” Wonshik says, clearing his throat. “I’ll plan your birthday party for you.”

Taekwoon nods, running his fingers through Wonshik’s mullet. It’s soothing for a few moments until Wonshik makes a weird noise in his throat and pulls away, shaking away Taekwoon’s hand. It’ll be nice to spend time with him and Taekwoon says yes to Wonshik inviting Hongbin, making him smile. Taekwoon taps his cheek when he does, effectively embarrassing him and Wonshik shakes his head at him.

They finish up and Wonshik decides to skip the gym tonight. He’s tired and Hongbin isn’t streaming so it’s easy to call and talk until Wonshik decides to go to bed. It’s late but Hongbin won’t sleep for a while soon, even if it’s nearing four in the morning.

_ “Full album or just a mini? Or a single?”  _ Hongbin asks when Wonshik mentions being with Taekwoon in the studio.  _ “Do you guys have to work through Christmas?” _

“Sometimes,” Wonshik replies, washing his face quickly. “I won’t if I don’t want to. You know, being your own boss has its perks.”

_ “Haha, you’re  _ so _ funny _ ,” Hongbin retorts but Wonshik can hear the chuckle in his voice.  _ “What’s on for November aside from what you said?” _

“Taekwoon-hyung’s birthday.” Wonshik dries his face and immediately gets into bed, plugging his earphones into his phone to keep the call running. “Do you want to come? He said it was okay. It’s just dinner at his place.”

Hongbin hums, sounding soft. Wonshik closes his eyes to the sound.  _ “Yeah, that’d be nice. But I want to see you before then. Changwon was nice, but I stupidly miss you.” _

“Mm, so stupid,” Wonshik mumbles, smiling dumbly to himself. “I might fall asleep, sorry.”

_ “It’s okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, anyways. But I’ll stay on the line for you, if you want?” _

“Yeah,” Wonshik whispers, yawning loudly. “I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

_ “Love you, Ravi-ssi.” _

“Don’t act cute.”

_ “Fine by me.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im so so so sorry this took so long and there's not a lot, i'm sure people were expecting more.   
i had a bit of a rough end of year when it came to the holidays and i was struggling to write comfortably so i decided to not push myself, or else i wouldn't have been happy with the result. but i have been progressively working on this fic as well as my detective au as time went on and i have an update to give this time.  
i want to finish this fic before i go back to university, so please bare with me. if you have been with this story for this long, i am so grateful to you. i hope that you have a fantastic year and i hope to see you then :)

**Author's Note:**

> hey pls tell me what you think of this im sorry if updates are slow but i really want to work hard on this so i hope you enjoy it so far!! feedback is really appreciated <3


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